An Alderaanian Love Story 2
by Jaina Durron
Summary: Finally together and their relationship out in the open, Han and Leia have tied the knot and Leia has discovered the truth to her parentage. What happens now and how will our Big Three react to these new changes? What's in store for them now? Sequel to An Alderaanian Love Story
1. Chapter 1

**A.N**. Anyone been really excited for this? I've been. ; )

* * *

The next blast nearly knocked her off her feet, but Leia braced herself against the nearest tree, her rifle tucked tightly under her arm. Cautiously, she peered around, adjusting her rifle to the ready. The scene was an absolute mess and it was starting to remind Leia of battling angry cantina patrons. She quickly shook the memory away and reminded herself, this isn't a cantina fight, anymore, Leia. This is real and it's live. You have to stay focused. Another shot fired past her and Leia quickly responded with her own, bracing herself against the tree again. She fired until the responsive shooter stopped and Leia knew she'd gotten him. She darted for a new hiding spot and rolled her landing just behind one of the bunkers.

Leia Organa Solo was on Fedje with a team of Rebels who had been tasked with infiltrating an Imperial base and taking down their bunkers. It had been rumored that one of the bunkers stored information vital to the Rebellion, but Leia felt like General Madine and Mon Mothma had been over-using those words lately.

Ending her perfect and elegant roll, Leia found Luke there with the droid R2-D2, both working feverishly on unlocking the bunker's door.

"So." She sat down beside him and quickly looked behind them for any threats. "How're you doing?"

"I think I like it in my cockpit more," he quickly answered, his voice almost sounding afraid.

"What?" Leia smiled, joking with him. "Versus the freedom of space? And don't you like running missions with me and Han?"

Luke shook his head, pointing to a different tool on Artoo as he suggested to the droid that he try a new method. "Don't get me wrong. I love running on missions with you and Han. It's just . . . this is your guys' space and mine is in the tightly confined living space of an X-Wing's cockpit. That's all. I feel more confident flying than running around. It's almost like I can hear Old Ben's voice in my head, insisting I use the Force to do everything."

"You know he doesn't expect that from either of us," Leia tried to assure him, standing up to grab an Imperial and twist his arm back. She dropped her rifle, keeping it under her foot, and pulled out a smaller blaster to touch to the stormtrooper's chin. She let him drop and stepped forward to deal with more of the bucketheads. "It hasn't even been that long since they told us. They shouldn't expect that much from us. They don't, Luke."

"I know. It's just . . . Never mind. I don't know."

Leia shoved off another stormtrooper and fired several more bolts, taking out a few of them as they approached the bunker. "Well, I know. Now, I also know you're trying very hard over there, but you could you possibly try even harder and hurry up?"

* * *

"Chewie, watch out!" Han shouted, squatted at the wookiee's side while he fired at the onslaught of coming stormtroopers. The wookiee jumped as a shot hit his own weapon and it erupted into sparks. Growling angrily, he dropped his bowcaster and swept aside several of the Imperial soldiers. Han continued firing until the flood of stormtroopers slowed to a minimum. At which point, Han rushed for the Millennium Falcon and beckoned Chewie to follow. They hurried to the cockpit and prepared to make a mad run out of their hiding spot.

While over half of their strike team had gone to check out the bunkers they were to infiltrate, Han had stayed behind with the rest, waiting for news from Leia about the bunkers. All had been silent and calm until a sudden flood of stormtroopers had come rushing into the nice cave Han had found them to rest in and, without warning, had opened fire to alert the Rebels of their arrival. Han still had yet to receive word from Leia on their status, but he figured if the Imperials had realized they were here in the cave, they'd probably found Leia and the others, too.

Han sighed, plopping down into his seat beside Chewie. "Alright, buddy. Let's get out of here and check on Leia and the kid." In all honesty, Han wasn't too concerned about Leia. He knew she could handle herself. It was the kid, her brother, that worried Han. He was practically a newbie to life, but Han did have to admire the kid's seemingly natural skill in a cockpit. Han and Leia had taken a brief two-week honeymoon before rejoining Luke and the two Jedi on Yavin IV, the current base of the Rebellion. With no experience in anything, the Generals had decided to play around with Luke, throw things at him and see what he did best. The kid could hardly shoot a blaster or fare well in a fight, but, ironically, he'd fit in the cockpit well when Generals Madine and Rieekan were about to give up and had dumped the poor kid at Commander Wedge Antilles's feet. Biggs Darklighter had just stood there, laughing as he snickered to the others, "Told you the kid could fly!"

As soon as Luke and the others had landed, Madine had just sighed, handing Luke's Rebellion identichip to Antilles. "He's all yours, Commander," he'd said, walking off in amazement. Even Han had been impressed by Luke's maneuvers and skills. They'd pitted him against Darklighter for a comparison and then the bets had started. Rumor had it the kid was going to be the next big thing in the Rebellion. Han just laughed when they said that. They had no idea. The kid and Leia.

Han was genuinely surprised at how well the two were taking things. He knew that Leia had been struggling ever since she'd come to the realization that Anakin Skywalker went by Vader these days. She hadn't acted out like Han had predicted she would, which was good. However, he could see fear lurking just behind her eyes and it made Han's heart ache to watch it swim there. He figured she was trying to focus on the good. For her, that was everything she knew about her biological mother. The woman had been a senator like Leia; a queen before that even. Leia had taken that and turned it into her main focus on the subject, absorbing the irony of it and giving herself a new role model.

As for the other twin, Luke had been thrilled at the prospect of his life going straight from zero to hero. The whole Jedi thing had baffled him, but he'd been eager to start his training and had subscribed himself to the whole thing. As far as the Force went, Leia seemed hesitant, fearful. She showed no interest for it, but assured Jedi Olin and Kenobi that she understood the situation. Han supposed that was good, too because he didn't understand.

Han activated the comm unit on the Falcon's control board and switched to Leia's frequency. "Sweetheart, it's me. How're you doin' down there?"

"Well, the Imperials found us," his wife's voice came back.

"Same. Is your team about ready to get going?"

"We've already lost a few. Let's get going now."

"Alright. Meet me at Point 5-9-0 and we'll race out of here."

"Copy that, General," Leia said with love and relief in her voice. The comm connection clicked off and Han reached for the Falcon's controls to bring his ship back around and land just behind the bunker field. He and Chewie met the rest of the strike team outside and called out their other own half to help ward off the stormtroopers and head out. In a blur of blasters shooting, the Imperials fell and the rest of the strike team hurried back to the Corellian freighter, Leia and Luke the last two heading back in.

"Got them all?" Han asked, accepting a quick kiss from Leia as she hurried on board.

"Yep," Leia nodded. "Just barely."

Luke was quick to put on a scorning look and he pointed at Leia's back. "But I got them!"

"Yep," Leia agreed, slipping down the corridor. "Just barely."

"We still need that information," Han said, turning back to the subject in a serious manner.

"And we have it," Leia assured him, reaching into her pocket for a flimsi sheet. She fell into her husband's chair in the pilot's place and keyed the pattern into the general computer. "By the way, we're going to need to wipe the computers again once I gain the access and override the Imperial pass code."

"Then, maybe we should wait." Han rushed over and Leia laughed, handing him the flimsi. "We need to bring that straight to Mothma and Madine." Then, she muttered as she got up from Han's seat, "And out of here before the Imperials start following us."

"Agreed," Han said, dropping into his seat beside Chewie. He flicked a few switches and the Falcon came to life with lights and groans of proof that the rust bucket still worked well enough. Luke sat behind Chewie, at Leia's side. The cockpit passengers, buckling in, Chewie and Han took off.

* * *

"About time I get my star pilot back!" Wedge Antilles cheered as he came walking down the corridor. Leia, Luke, and Han turned to watch him approach and Luke smiled. Wedge clapped the young man on the back. "Tell your friends I don't like it when they steal you from me. I could have used you the other day! Our squadron had a nasty run-in with some loyal Imps. Probably weren't even soldiers. Still, they were causing us some trouble."

"Weren't you and the guys supposed to be making a run to Thyferra for bacta?"

Wedge took a step back and nodded. "Yeah. We were. We only got half the delivery, but I was hoping you could help us with the rest. We've missed you, Luke."

"Sure. Of course."

"I get that you're new and all," Wedge slung his arm back across Luke's shoulders and he glanced Han and Leia's way. "But, let me assure you, the ground forces aren't as cool as they want you to think. And they're definitely not as cool as us pilots. Even if Leia is one of our bosses. It's okay to ditch them."

Luke chuckled, catching Leia and Han's smirks. "That's alright, Wedge. They're not too bad."

"Whatever you say," Wedge said, waving goodbye and striding back down the corridor.

"Not too bad," Han grumbled as he and Leia came back to his side. "Come on, kid. You're already trading us in for your fancy new pilot buddies?"

Luke shook his head, ignoring Han's joking question. He sat down against the cool, duracrete wall and tried stifling a yawn. "As soon as we're done giving our report to the admiral and Mon Mothma, I'm headed straight back for the bed in my quarters. I'm tired."

Han nodded in agreement, sliding down the wall to sit with Leia. "Same. It's been a long week. Hopefully, Madine will get the idea that we aren't the only people here and use the other guys."

Leia's lips twisted into a tired grin and she asked, "What other guys?"

Han shook his head. He took Leia's hand in his and just held it there. "How does bed sound? I don't think I can stay up tonight."

"Bed sounds wonderful," Leia smiled, resting her head in Han's lap. "I think I might just fall asleep thinking about it."

Just then, a door a few feet down the hall opened and General Carlist Rieekan peeked his head out to wave to the three younger people. "We're ready for you guys, now."

All three of them quickly got up, straightened themselves out and stood tall as they entered the conference room to speak with the Rebel leaders. Standing around a wide, dark table were Mon Mothma, Admiral Ackbar, and Generals Rieekan and Madine. "Princess Leia," Mon Mothma began her greetings. "General Solo and . . . Skywalker."

"One of these days," Luke broke in. "I'm going to get myself some kind of title."

Mothma ignored the young man and spoke formally to them. "I already received the report you, Princess Leia, sent in. We are very pleased with this work; all the work the three of you have been doing lately. However, I'm afraid we must send you back out again."

"But we just got back," Luke was quick to object. Leia raised a hand just high enough for Luke to notice and he immediately stepped back. "Sorry," he muttered.

"As I was saying, we have another mission we're going to be sending you out on. It is considered to be of utmost importance and will be kept under the Rebel Alliance's highest level of security and confidentiality. This information and these plans are to be kept even from you three until further notice."

"Wait a second," Han jumped straight to his doubts, leaning closer to the Rebellion leader. "If this mission is so important, why aren't you telling us now what this trip is for? Why are you telling us now if you can't even tell us what it is?"

"General, consider yourself lucky. We are telling this to you now that you may prepare before leaving-"

"I guess I was just thinking it would be nice to know what to prepare for."

Leia stifled an irritated sigh, biting back any comment she had in mind. She still had so much to teach the smuggler and the farmboy about diplomatics and courtesy.

"The three of you will be told as soon as you are all boarded on a freighter and far enough from this Rebel base. Everything will be explained then, but we mustn't speak a word otherwise. You three are to keep this confidential, even the mere information that you are being assigned to this trip. Is that clear?"

"Of course, Mon Mothma," Leia grabbed Han and turned back for the door. "We'll await further instruction. Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

"I'd almost rather not know," Han said as soon as he and Leia got back to their quarters. He fell onto their bed, taking Leia down with him. Leia turned in his arms and smiled at him. "You should be more patient. The other leaders are finally warming up to you. It might help you even more if you calm yourself and listen a little more once in a while." She combed back his hair with her fingers.

"But aren't you just a little curious about this? Aren't you just a little bit suspicious?"

"I guess. It's like Mothma said, we just have to wait and see what's up. Do you not have the patience to wait that long-"

"Like you're one to talk. No offense, sweetheart, but you're the most patient of people, either."

"True, but I'm better than you."

"What do you think's even going on?"

Leia fell silent, thinking on it. Relaxing in Han's arms, she ran over all the possibilities she could think of. "I'm not sure. All I know is it doesn't sound good. The fact that they're so concerned with keeping it confidential . . . it puts me on edge. I don't know what to think. I just want to have a break so we can relax. Han, we've been married for just under a year. We have spent the majority of our marriage on missions for the Alliance. With my brother. A year ago, I didn't know I had a brother. I just want to have some time to ourselves." Leia suddenly smiled, crawling so she was leaning over Han's body. "Then, maybe we could get started on that family we've been talking about having."

Han smiled and pulled Leia's legs over his, pulling her head down so he could kiss her. Leia slipped a leg between his and deepened their kiss, lending all her passion to the moment. Han responded by flipping over so he was leaning over Leia. He leaned back down for another kiss, one hand reaching for the buttons of Leia's shirt.

"Hey, have you guys seen my commlink because-oh!"

Leia screeched, falling off the side of the bed and Han's arms gave out and he awkwardly leaned on his side, staring the intruder down. From where he stood in the doorway, Luke went red. He turned away for a moment. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize . . ."

"Clearly," Han muttered. Leia quickly stood, redoing her last button. "What do you need, Luke?" she patiently asked, crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry," Luke glanced back at his sister, the red finally fading from his cheeks.

"What do you need?" Leia asked again, Luke only shook his head, reaching for the door handle to pull it shut as he left. "No, Luke. What is it?" Leia held the door open and waited for an answer. He looked away a second time and shook his head. "Nothing. I'm so-"

"Luke, come on. Just spit it out."

Looking helpless, he shrugged, but began to answer. "I feel like I'm intruding. Well, obviously I am. I mean . . . I feel like I'm in your guys' way just being around."

Leia immediately shook her head and tried to assure him. "No, it's fine. You're fine! I think it's just the family thing again. Don't worry about it, Luke."

"I know you're lying, Leia. I know because I feel awkward, too."

"Luke, really, it's fine."

"And I'm sure Han feels the same," Luke said, sarcastically. His shirt suddenly shed, Han came to stand behind Leia. He said to her, "You know, the kid brings up a good point." Leia shook her head and shoved him back. "Do we need to talk about this?" Leia asked, softening her voice.

Han leaned back over her shoulder and asked, "I thought we were busy talking?"

"Han, I really don't need that kind of commentary right now."

Luke sighed again and began to turn. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'm leaving, now."

For a moment, Leia watched him stalk down the hall. Her insides filling with guilt, she called out to him, "And just where are you going to go all by yourself?"

Luke turned back, offering a light shrug and smile. "I'll probably just bother Old Ben instead."

Leia nodded, unfolding her arms. She went to her and Han's closet, pulled out a small bag, and hurried after Luke. "Then, I'm coming with you."

Sighing in defeat, Han only asked her before she left, "What about our plans?"

"Later. I promise."

"What if there isn't a later?"

Leia froze. She stood before Han, so close their toes touched eachother's. Leia raised a hand and brought it up to brush against Han's bare chest. Her eyes found his and her voice, mellifluous, muttered, "There will be a later."

Leia stepped out with Luke, walking a ways down the hall, away from her and Han's quarters. She hurried to catch up with him. Sighing noisily, Luke turned his head for a quick moment to acknowledge her. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I thought it was obvious. I'm going with you."

"Leia, you know what I mean and that wasn't it."

"Maybe." She stopped and pulled his arm so he turned back and stopped with her. She looked him in the eye and told him, "Look, Luke, I get that this is difficult and weird. It is for both of us, but I'm willing to do what it takes to figure this out and help you become more comfortable, too."

"And what about Han?" Luke pointed back down the hall. "You already have your life figured out. You have Han and the Rebellion. The last thing you need is some new brother forcing himself into the middle of everything."

"Luke, I'm not going to leave you to deal with this yourself. This is my family, too. We're going to figure this out together. You're my brother and you're a part of me and Han's family, too. We're not just going to ditch each other just because it sometimes gets awkward. It's going to be hard, but I'm not going to give up like that."

Then, neither sibling spoke another word for a long time. Leia held Luke's gaze until he cracked and an audible sigh escaped his mouth. "Then, how do I help make this less awkward for you and Han?"

Leia considered.

"I have a suggestion," Luke said.

"Please tell me."

"You guys could lock the door first."

"I will take that into deep consideration. Do you think you could knock first, too?"

"Eh . . . I guess so. How about this. I won't bother you guys at all. When we come back from whatever we're doing together and you and Han go do your own thing, I won't bother you guys unless it's an emergency."

"What if you forget your keys again? Or your commlink?"

Luke smiled and offered a flippant shrug. "I'll sleep outside the door to my quarters."

Smirking, Leia nodded, her arms coming up to cross themselves. "Sure, you will. If you forget your own keys or commlink in our quarters, I will give them back to you if you just ask. However, you should never lose your things in our quarters again."

Luke nodded. "I guess so."

Leia turned a corner and started down the next hall, asking him now, "We're good now?"

Luke nodded. "We're good."

* * *

Han was impressed. Of course, Leia seemed to have little trouble in impressing him, but still, he was impressed. He watched as she sat in place on the floor, her eyes closed and her mind deep in meditation. Her hands rested on her knees while several small and rocks floated around her. Their stance was unsteady, but Han was impressed enough to see them not touching the ground at all. They remained in the air, shaking a little, but remained hanging there above the ground as Leia held her concentration.

The two Jedi watched her, nodding their approval every few seconds and making quiet comments to each other. Leia maintained the rock's suspension for a few seconds longer until something snapped and the rocks came crashing down, one smaller one bouncing off of Leia's head. She grimaced, but Olin still nodded as he approached her. "You're doing well for having just started training," he assured her, picking up the rocks and setting them around in a circle again. "Really, Leia, that wasn't bad at all."

Leia looked to Obi-Wan and cocked a brow, reading an unspoken statement from his mind. "But not good enough?" she asked.

Obi-Wan sighed and began to explain. "Back before the Order had fallen, we didn't train anyone over the age of, about, five. Eight, nine, ten, you were too old and the Council would turn you away. We thought it was better to train them young rather than older when there was more risk . . ." He trailed off.

Walking over to the circle of stones to sit in the middle of them, Luke asked curiously, "Well, how old was our father when he started training?"

Obi-Wan sighed. He took a seat beside Han and told them, "I was traveling with my own master, Qui-Gon Jinn, when we met your father on Tatooine. He was just a young boy then. Nine. My master could sense how powerful in the Force he was and he was intent on having the opportunity to train him in the ways of the Force. However, when he brought Anakin to the Council, Masters Yoda, Windu, and the others didn't want to take the risk. Mind them, Master Jinn decided to train him anyway. It was shortly after that . . . that he died, my Master. His dying wish was for me to train Anakin for him. And I did." Obi-Wan looked back up to the Skywalker twins, the moment now heavy with foreshadowing and sorrow. He began again. "He was nine years old and the saddest little boy I'd ever met. He was afraid and he was sad from leaving his home and his mother back on Tatooine. It was all that he had ever known."

"Our grandmother," Leia spoke up. She approached the bench where Kenobi and Han sat and asked, "First, why did he live on Tatooine? And does our grandmother still live there?"

Kenobi and Olin traded a look, both knowing how long a story this was going to turn out to be. Olin approached and took over the hermit Jedi. "From what Master Kenobi has ever told me, she was a slave along with your father until Master Jinn freed Anakin. Then, years later, his mother died at the hands of Tusken Raiders. And I think that's all either of you need to know right now."

Leia released an audible sigh and turned back to Luke, the two of them sharing their own look. "You're both looking for stories," they heard Olin say, shaking his head. "That are for another time."

* * *

"It's going to have to wait, isn't it?" Han asked with a frown. Leia turned away from their bed, away from the travel pack she'd stuffing clothes in. She'd started when Han's voice had suddenly rumbled in its deep tones, jerking her from her focused organizing. She looked up to see him looking back to her, his hands holding up a plain white onesie. Glimpsing at the small baby clothing article, she tilted her head and sighed. Slowly, she set down a blouse she'd been folding to fit in her travel case and reached for Han's hands with her own. "I know," she said softly, her voice full of sadness and guilt. "Hopefully, it won't be too much longer, though. Just this mission-"

"And how do you know we'll have enough time after this mission?" Han dropped the onesie and his arms quickly wrapped themselves around her waist. "Leia, what if something happens to one of us and we don't make it back?"

"Don't talk like that," Leia shook her head, her own hands snaking up Han's sides to tangle themselves in his hair. "It'll happen. We just have to have a little patience. We'll get the time. We just have to wait for the right time to come."

Han sighed in defeat and his head slumped, his forehead now resting against hers. "I'm sorry," he muttered into her long, rich hair. Slowly, she shook her head. "Don't be. You know how badly I want this, too. I want it just as bad as you do."

Han picked her up in his arms so their faces were level, Leia sitting in his hands like they were a seat. "I don't want to wait for it."

"I don't either, but you and I both know now isn't the time for a little one. Here's us, running around the galaxy, trying to shape it into a better place. Baby's going to have to wait until this galaxy is looking a little nicer." Han's arms immediately tightened their hold around Leia's waist and she leaned in for a long, slow kiss. "One day," she told him. "One day, we're going to start our own family and the wait will have been completely worth it."

"You think?"

"I know. You just wait, flyboy."

Gently, Han let Leia slide out of his hold and he set her down on the bed. He folded the onesie and out it back in the drawer they kept it in, slowly closing the drawer, holding his frustration in. Turning back to Leia, he told her, "I'm ready to go on this mission of Mothma's. Whatever it is. Let's go! Let's get it done with. Then, we'll come back here." He lied down with Leia. "And get started on our family."

"We've talked about it over and over." She kissed him sweetly on his forehead. "It's going to happen. Relax, Han. It can't be too long now."

Despite Leia's assurances, Han still looked doubtful. Leia wouldn't admit that she felt much the same. Though it was just under a year since they'd first married, it hadn't taken long at all for the two to agree that they wanted a family of their own. And soon. At first, the whole prospect had been exciting, something of an adventure Han and Leia were anxious to take on. Over the months, though, the excitement had died down only to be replaced with a tiring anxiety of wondering how long it would be until the right time came. Clearly, Han was down on his patience with waiting. Leia knew she had to keep her head clear. She couldn't lose patience, too. Not both of them. Then, they'd both go crazy. Truth be told, she wanted it now . . . more than ever. Perhaps, more than even Han did.

There was one time, a few months ago, when they'd almost done it. They'd been trying, making use of what had been a long break of peace and they'd been eager to take advantage of it. However, it hadn't happened that month and the next month had come with an Imperial attack on Thyferra, wiping out a huge supply of bacta the Alliance had desperately needed. Now, they were back to where they'd started, no closer than they had been to start with.

Leia pulled Han down to the bed with her, folding his strong arms around her petite body. "I know how you feel," she assured him, speaking in soft tones. "You have to have faith that we'll figure this out. I do. I know we will."

"I know, Leia. It's just . . ."

"I think we're both running low on patience. We can talk more about this later. Right now, I think we'd better finish packing. I have a feeling it won't be long before High Command sends us on our merry way."

* * *

Enveloped in the silence of his private quarters, Luke Skywalker faced the inevitable truth: he was an awkward third wheel. Never had it been intentional (When was it ever?), but his only friends he had here just also happened to be his newly-found sister and her newly-wedded-to husband. Yeah, nothing that screams 'this'll be awkward' about that! Luke thought, sighing to himself. In his hands, he played with a toy model X-Wing, its S-Foils stretched out as though in a battle and ready to attack. Luke had gotten this toy for his fifth life day by his aunt and uncle; a gift from his own father, Aunt Beru ad once said when Owen wasn't around. Since he was little, Luke had always lied down on his bed, playing with the toy, making it fly loops around his head. He'd pretend that he was in the cockpit, leading his own squadron to victory in battle against the Empire. Now, remembering all those carefree memories of a child, Luke chuckled. It had always been a dream, a fantasy that, even at such a young age, Luke had understood wasn't reality. But, suddenly, he was closer to that reality. He was working for the Rebel Alliance, impressing the other experienced pilots and gaining a reputation. "The Kid Who Could Fly", Han liked to remark. Life was an adventure, but some of it seemed too insane to be true. The pilot part was what Luke had always had in mind when he used to dream. Not becoming a Jedi to overthrow Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine. Regular boys from nothing-of-a-planet Tatooine didn't just go on to become the hope of the galaxy. Honestly, it scared Luke a little. And when Leia, who was supposed to be his partner in this, shared little interest in harnessing the power of the Force . . . was Luke just expected to do this on his own?

With one last sigh of stress and thrill of the excitement all at once, Luke set the toy down, grabbed his lightsaber instead, and made his way down to Old Ben's quarters. He supposed he had a lot of work to do.


	3. Chapter 3

To all of you who didn't follow me to Wattpad: I FINALLY HAVE A DEVICE AGAIN! I missed you all soo much! While I've been away from here, the rest of us have been having some fun . . .

* * *

 _"Princess!"_ Her commlink buzzed and Leia moaned, slowly untangling herself from the bed sheets and getting up. She quickly snatched the communications device from the nightstand, cleared her throat, and answered, "Yes, Mon? Leia, here." From behind her, slowly waking with her, Han reached out with two arms and pulled Leia back, holding her to him. Tossing him a regretful smile, Leia gently pushed him back and got up to dress. She held the comm between her shoulder and ear and waited through Mothma's explanation, meanwhile snatching a white shirt and pants from her drawer. "Princess, I trust you're already up, yes? Eaten, dressed, ready to go? Your transport ship has arrived and High Command is ready to send your team off."

Suddenly alert, Leia froze, her hand going back to hold the comm. "Now? _Today?_ "  
"Excuse me, Princess, but is there something wrong with that?"  
"No, of course not," Leia quickly assured Mothma. "I just wasn't expecting this so soon."  
"We told you three to be ready. Well, you'd better be ready. It's time to go."  
"Alright. Of course, I'm sorry, Mon. We're on our way to High Command." And with that, Leia hung up, tossed the device aside, and quickly slid the shirt on. Both arms in, she fell onto the bed, shimmying her pants on while she insisted to Han, "Get up! We have to go!"  
"What time is it?" Han growled, sitting up to see Leia already half-dressed.  
"Time to go," Leia repeated, tossing him a pair of pants and a shirt. "Mothma just called. She said out transport ship is here to pick us up."  
Han obeyed, putting one leg into his pants at a time. Then, he found his boots, slipped them on, and buttoned up his shirt. He grabbed a vest and waited for Leia while she haphazardly braided her hair. "Why don't you grab a few rations," Leia suggested, her fingers hurrying through her locks of hair. "Mothma is expecting we've already eaten and everything."  
Han sighed out of exasperation and grabbed a couple breakfast bars from a cabinet. He brought them with him to their closet and stuffed them into one of their travel bags, tossing them over his shoulder. He found Leia by the door, ready to leave, pulling one last boot on. She unlocked the door and asked, "Ready to go?"  
"Sure. Is the kid ready?"  
Leia's eyes went wide and she immediately burst out the door, muttering a Corellian curse out the side of her mouth. They hurried down the hall and Leia pounded on Luke's door, shouting at him. "Luke! Luke, come out! We have to go! Luke, hurry up! Mothma is expecting us right now!" She sighed, turning away from the door while she waited. "This is insane," she told Han who only smiled back. After a few more seconds, she turned back and resumed pounding on the door. "Luke, seriously! Hurry! Up!"  
"What in Alderaan's good name are you doing?" a softer voice asked.  
Leia and Han turned to look the other way down the hall to see Wedge staring at them. "We're waiting for Lu-"  
"Well, I can tell that. He and Chewie are already in Command. Sheesh, lovers."  
Leia rolled her eyes and raced back down the hall, headed for High Command.

When Leia and Han made it there, Mothma watched them enter with a glare painted on her usually delicate features. Quickly, though, she regained her composure and settled to reprimand them with words instead. "Running a bit late, I see? Well, the transport's waiting outside for you three. Your pilot is waiting outside his ship. It's an Imperial Dropship Transport."  
Crix Madine turned in his seat, one elbow settled on the table. He told them, "If anyone asks, it's carrying a supply of bacta, rations, ammunition to a base."  
"What base, though?" Leia asked, studying the schematics display as Admiral Ackbar pulled it up. "If we're feigning as Imperials, we should be able to name an actual base. We don't know of any bases."  
"There's a planet in the Outer Rim we highly suspect of being a base." General Rieekan told them this We haven't brought it up in meeting so we might use it as an excuse. We have a scout team near there keeping watch, but they'll be disembarking if we find out it's true. The planet is called Galpos II; it's a desolate world in the Abrion sector. If anyone starts watching you, go with it and we'll have our scout team help you out. Hopefully, we won't have too many problems, though."  
Ackbar took his turn to speak next. "Your pilot knows to bring you and he has been ordered not to tell you four. We are to remain in utmost secrecy about this mission. When you arrive at your destination, you will be given instructions and a detailed plan on what it is we need from you. Where you are going, several others already know about this mission. They will help you, but you must keep this under lock and key. Any questions?"  
Leia refrained from asking where they were going. She managed a nod and left with Han, Luke, and Chewie in tow.

* * *

A Rebel sympathizer from the planet Ryloth had been chosen to fly the small band of rebels to their mission. He was a red twi'lek with broad shoulders and a muscular build to the rest of his body. His face wore long scars, though, and Leia wondered what Imperials had done to him. He said little to them when they boarded. Just that his name was Kilo and he wasn't going to tell them anymore until they reached their destination. Then, he'd gone off to the cockpit, leaving the four rebels to deal out their own sleeping arrangements.  
This particular freighter being one Imperials more often used as transport for cargo, there was only one suitable sleeping space; a single bunk bed raised a few feet above the floor, complete with a ladder to get into the bed. It was quickly decided that Luke would get the bunk because it was too small for Chewie and Han and Leia couldn't squeeze together in the lone bunk either. The wookiee found a hammock he hung for himself near Luke's room while Han and Leia grabbed pillows and blankets and made their bed on the floor of the crew lounge.  
Han was already nestled in the mess of blankets, waiting for his wife. Leia was digging through their bags for pajama sweats before joining him. "Han?" she asked him over her shoulder. "What bag are our clothes in?"  
"Red one. I think."  
Leia zipped up one bag and opened the red one. She found her clothes buried underneath Han's. And under hers . . .  
"Kriff! Wait! I forgot something in-" Han quickly and suddenly got up and reached for the red bag, but stopped when he saw what Leia was holding.  
"Why did you bring it with?" she asked softly. From what Han could decipher in his wife's expression, she wasn't angry or disappointed. Just . . . concerned and slightly surprised.  
With a light sigh, Han took the onesie from her and put it back in the bag. "I don't know," Han tried explaining. "I know we've talked about it over and over again, but . . ."  
For a moment, Leia could only nod, unable to hold her husband's gaze. She didn't need him to finish the thought. She knew what he was leaving unsaid, what he was thinking. Leia knew and understood because she felt exactly the same. "We really need to figure something out, don't we?" she managed. Those were the only words she had at that moment. As she expected, Han agreed with a nod and terse words. "I really want to figure something out."  
Out of words, Leia stared at the floor, studying the cool gray color it was.  
"Look, sweetheart, I know what we've said about it before, but wouldn't it be nice to take a break? We'll take a year off. We'll live on Alderaan near your parents, have the baby there, have a while to enjoy it."  
"And then what? Just go straight back to war? Drop the baby off at the nearest orphanage? Han, if we're going to have a baby, we need time. We can't just take a break to have a baby. We can't just go back to war after that. If we're going to start a family, I don't want it to be our break. Han . . . Han, if we're going to have a family I want it to be our life."  
Han and Leia both finally met each other's gazes and the pain in Leia's was nearly enough to push Han off the deep end. When he looked in her eyes, he saw the same pain _he_ felt there, reflected in her deep, whirlpool brown eyes. Perhaps, that was the hardest part about this. They both wanted the same thing more than either partner had ever wanted anything before. And yet, too much stood in the way.  
Han's eyes burned with something that was not so much anger as it was frustration. Just like Leia, he'd run out of words to say and now the silence was left to swallow them whole.  
"Han," Leia muttered, quietly.  
"Leia." Han stared her in the eyes, hopeful.  
Leia shook her head. "Han."  
Han reached out for Leia and pulled her into his arms, leaving a trail of kisses along her jawline. "Leia, I want a baby."  
Gently, Leia shook her head and pushed herself out of Han's grasp. All she said was, "Not now."

* * *

Luke Skywalker couldn't sleep, but he could hardly say this was a rare occurrence lately. Too much had been going on and he could only seem to have daydreams of all his fantastical dreams coming true. However, dreams during his sleep were different. Sleep wouldn't let him in and have wonderful, peaceful dreams at the same time. He always had good dreams while he was awake. It was when he managed to fall asleep that the Force liked to occupy his brain with terrifying images and glimpses.  
Blood and lots if it. Blood spilling over, off the side of statues and pouring around columns, dripping and running down the stairs, staining the bodies of the dead. He heard their cries, their pleas for mercy, for help as they lay on the ground, in pools of their own blood, dying. But what was there for anyone to do? Everyone knew they wouldn't make it and still ambulances rushed around, medics wrapping wounds in tourniquets and spreading bacta over their injuries. No, there was no use. It was over for them. Then, it was all screams. At first, Luke thought these sounds were screeching while the bloody carcasses cried their pleas, but he soon realized that the screams were of the aftermath. Loved ones found their loved ones; they cried and screamed in horror at the scene. Then, there was a particular shriek that grabbed Luke's focus. Though Luke couldn't say he'd ever heard his sister scream before, he somehow knew it was hers that echoed in his mind, bouncing back and forth between the walls of his head, crying out in tortured agony, in agonized torture. He tried to calm her, reached out his arms to take her in, but she shoved him back, cursing him. Some kind of twisted darkness rushed over her, flowed from her and, quite honestly, it terrified Luke (Scratch that. It petrified him.), so he left her to her fury and shadows. Maybe Han would be able to help.  
And just like that, Luke managed to jerk himself from his reverie. _Everything is okay,_ he reminded himself, drawing his hands down his face. He gasped for breath and took them in as quickly as his lungs would allow. _You're on the transport ship headed for the mission with Han and Leia and Chewie. No one's hurt. Everybody is fine. It was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream._  
Luke shook off the remnants of his dream and sat back against the bed's headboard. He couldn't bear to fall back asleep. Not when he knew what awaited him. Giving up on sleep, he took out his datapad and checked for any new messages. He knew he could always count on Aunt Beru sending him at least one message a week. It had been a few days since he'd gotten a message from her and he hoped she'd sent another one since Luke had last checked. And, to his delight, there was. It was simple; a brief message constructed in what must have been a rush. _Of course,_ Luke thought. _It's harvesting season hack at the farm on_ _Tatooine. Aunt_ _Beru_ _is busy helping Uncle Owen . . . because I'm not there to help him anymore . . ._  
Luke's heart twisted with guilt at the thought of his elderly aunt and uncle working harvest season alone. There they were, stuck on Tatooine, working the harvest while here _he_ was, running top-secret missions for the Rebellion and undergoing training with old hermits to become a Jedi. He was going to be the hope of the galaxy, Kenobi and Olin always said. Well, Luke certainly didn't feel like that kind of here. Apparently, he had a lot of training to go.  
He quickly sent back a brief reply, explaining that he was hard at work running missions for the Alliance with Han and Leia and the other Rebellion pilots were impressed by his skill in an X-Wing and Old Ben seemed impressed by his skill with the Force. Although, he assured her that he missed her and Uncle Owen and that he wished he could be there helping them with the harvest. He ended his message with a line of loving goodbyes and sent it, biting back all his guilt. Maybe, one day, after he freed the galaxy of the Empire, Luke would be able to take his aunt and uncle off of Tatooine so they would never have to work another harvest again. But, at the same time, Luke couldn't imagine them wanting to ever leave. He still missed home on Tatooine.

He still had to adjust to this new home, to this new family. He had to get used to not having a definitive place to call home. Now, home was a word, a general group he was staying with. Home was the rebellion, whatever ship he was being transported on, whatever X-Wing Antilles let him fly. And family? Family was the members he shared quarters with. Family was all the pilots that hung out with him. Family was Han, his newest best friend. Family was Leia who was more like a friend than anything else. Luke could only explain Leia as his family like this: they were both little children and it was their first year of school. Leia was the one he wanted to be friends with, but she had her own interests. Luke understood that she was busy, not to mention married, and a new family and brother were the last things she wanted to deal with, but she was all the "actual" family Luke had.

With a weary sigh aimed at himself, Luke put his datapad away and slipped under the covers of his bed. He drifted off to sleep and dreamed of bleeding streets.

* * *

I know this was short, but I couldn't ruin the effect of this chapter. Hope everyone enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

When Leia woke up, she found herself sleeping with her back to Han. She sat up, careful not to wake her husband, surveying the simple scene. Han lay facing the other way, his shirt on again, the blankets pulled neatly around his sleeping form. Tears burned just behind her eyes, threatening to spill out and down her face.  
Carefully, she slipped out of the covers and padded out of the room and to a short hallway which led to Luke's room and a few of the cargo rooms. Bringing a blanket with her, wrapped around her shoulders, Leia stopped at the start of the dark hallway, surprised to see someone already sitting there. Alone and lying and in the darkness was Luke. She turned to leave him to his rest, but stopped when Luke spoke up. "No," he whispered in a gentle voice. "It's fine. I'm awake. What brings you down here?"  
Leia shook her head and came to sit beside him. He sat up with her. "Han and I had a . . . spat . . . last night."  
"That doesn't sound good."  
"It's hard. I understand, but at the same time . . . I wish he would just let it go. It isn't something I want to be fighting about."  
"Is this about the baby thing again?"

Leia turned her head to look at Luke who was staring back at her. His features, as always, were calm, thoughtful, sympathetic and showed he was listening. That small part of Luke's personality never failed to surprise Leia. She had never met anyone half as kind and caring as her brother. To answer his question, she nodded and his guess was confirmed. "How am I supposed to argue with him when I completely agree? What's even the point of staying level-headed if I'd so much rather give in to his points and just . . ." She shook her head and turned back to Luke. She said to him and asked, "I'm sorry. Why are you out here? Why aren't you sleeping in your room? In your nice, big, Imperial-grade bed?"

Luke offered his sister a flippant shrug and told her, "It's not even that comfortable." Leia laughed and Luke just smiled at her until she calmed. At which point, he began to explain. "I find myself missing home often. Whenever I read Aunt Beru's messages about the farm and her and Uncle Owen preparing for harvest, I feel guilty that I'm not there to help them. It's tough work!"  
"You know, Luke," Leia began, her voice soft and gentle and caring. "They want you here. Not there. They really care about you and they want you to have a better life than living on Tatooine as a moisture farmer. You shouldn't feel guilty at all. They know that this is where you belong, out in the dogfights with the rebellion, fighting for peace and freedom, right in the middle of it all. They know that and they want you to have the very best. You have to understand that this is what they want for you. They'll worry about themselves. You worry about yourself. I know what you mean, though. I miss Alderaan and Mama and Daddy. I miss Sabé and Memily and the smell of freshly watered flowers in the morning just outside my window and Memily's baked treats ready for breakfast, just sitting on the dining table, waiting for us. I miss all of it; the people, the places. All of it. But this is where we belong, Luke. This is the actual place we were born to. Not Alderaan, not Tatooine, but this fight. We're right where we're supposed to be with who we're supposed to be with. All we need is right here." She left her words at that and quickly left before Luke had the chance to tell her about his dreams. Though, Luke couldn't be sure he wanted to tell her about them. His mind was racing through its own sort of PTSD processing the images and scenes. He didn't want to put those thoughts into Leia's mind as well. She didn't deserve that. Besides, she had enough on her plate without adding the worry of _bleeding streets_ to it. She had her own life to worry about, her own problems and husband and child of question. She didn't need to babysit Luke's nightmares, too.

Luke peered at the digital chrono hanging on the wall in the hallway and decided that it was a fine time to grab some breakfast and sit down with a mug of caf. He found his way to the small kitchen just past the crew lounge where Han was still snoring and out like a tired nerf. Luke switched on the lights, but adjusted the settings so the lights were limited and dim in brightness. He had them on just high enough so he could see what he was doing. Finding the caf dispenser empty, he filled it with hot water and tossed in a few packets of instant imitation caf. He grabbed a couple berry ration bars from a cabinet and pulled a chair in front of the counter to watch the caf boil and darken in color as the beads of caf mix dissolved in the scorching water. He waited a couple minutes until it was finished and then proceeded to set the pot of fresh caf on a heat pad and waited for it to cool before pouring himself a cup. He sat in near silence, waiting. He was thankful that the crew lounge was so close to the kitchen because Han's snoring saved Luke from dwelling on his nightmares. He chuckled at Han and his noisy sleeping, checking the temperature of his caf. _Good enough,_ he thought after taking a glimpse and grabbed a mug to fill with the hot beverage. He stopped, an idea occurring to him. Quickly, he grabbed a second mug, filled it and reached out in the Force. It didn't take him long to find Leia. She was always very calm and, for the most part, serene. As she was, for the most part, now. When she approached the kitchen entry, Luke thrust out the mug and beamed, asking, "Care for a cup?"

Leia stopped in the entryway, crossing her arms and giving him a comical frown. "Done showing off yet?" she asked. Luke shrugged. "Maybe. But seriously. Want some? I just made it."

"Sure." Leia accepted the mug and sat down in the round table booth. She held it between two hands and carefully studied its contents. "You know, I can do weird things like that, too."

"I've never seen you do anything with the Force outside of training with Masters Olin and Kenobi."

"That doesn't mean I can't," Leia said pointedly. She set down her mug on the table and held a hand over its top. Luke watched for several seconds and nothing happened, but Leia kept her hand there, just hovering over the mug. However, to his astonishment, and Leia's pleasure, he gasped in surprise when he heard a sound like liquid sloshing against its mug. He looked over and watched as Leia's caf rippled in its cup, moving like a flowing body of water. "Fierfek!" he exclaimed before automatically hushing himself. "When did you learn to do that?"

Leia gave a little shrug, stopping her caf's movement and instead had it stirring itself. "I used to do this all the time when I was little. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. I never told my parents I could do this. I was afraid of what they would think. Eventually, I just kind of forgot."  
Luke sat down beside her, completely mesmerized by the caf's movement like a child watching a magician perform a simple magic trick. Then abruptly, its flow came to a stop. Luke looked to Leia. "I'm scared," she admitted, gulping. She dropped her hand in her lap, still staring at the cup as though she herself still couldn't believe it. "This isn't what I always imagined myself growing up to be. I shouldn't be trusted with a power like this. I don't know how it works."

"I don't either! That's what Olin and Old Ben are here for." Luke stopped there and waited for a response, waited to see if Leia even planned on giving one. When she didn't so much as acknowledge that he'd spoken, Luke took his hint to drop the subject. "Is there anything else you know how to do?"

Leia finally looked up to meet his gaze. She managed to hold her gaze steady as she truthfully answered, "Plenty. Just not anything I plan on showing you soon."

* * *

By the time Han had woken up and wandered over to the kitchen for breakfast, Luke had left Leia for the sanisteam. Left her to face Han. He came in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and then dropping his hands to see Leia standing in the kitchen. He sighed and averted his gaze. He'd run out of the courage to look her in the eyes.

"Oohhh!" their twi'lek chauffeur, Kilo, comically winced as he followed Han in. "Trouble in paradise, huh?"

"That's none of your business, Kilo," Han said gruffly. Leia leaned away from the cabinets so he could grab himself a breakfast ration. Han took his breakfast and made way for the crew lounge to eat in peace.

"Han, please don't do this," Leia quickly said before he could leave, escape her. She reached out an arm to grab him and pulled him back around.

"Don't do what?"

"You know what. Han, please stop. Can we please have a decent conversation about this without fighting? Just once?"

Han finally looked her in the eyes. "I don't know what you're waiting for me to say. I think we've said all we've wanted to. Cleared it up all last night, right?"

"I get that you don't want to wait and should know that I don't either! But do you really think it's a good idea to do this right now?"

"You just don't understand, do you?"

"Understand what? Since when do I not understand? I understand perfectly well! You're the one who isn't being realistic! Now! Is not! The time!" Low on patience, Leia hurried out, leaving Han with Kilo. Angrily, Han looked to the red-skinned twi'lek. "What are you looking at?" Kilo just smiled softly for a second. "My father always told me that it is never good to go to bed with an angry wife. Perhaps, you would like to take that into consideration?"

Han scowled at the man and walked off.

* * *

"Princess, General!" Kilo was calling from the cockpit. "And Farmboy!"

"You've got to be kidding me," Luke groaned, rising from his seat at the dejarik table. Leia and Han both smirked as they followed him out to the cockpit and Chewie joined them.

"Yes, Kilo?" Leia asked. The four of them had never been allowed to join him in the cockpit yet during their trip. Kilo didn't want them reading the captain's logs or going through the nav computer and trying to figure out where they were headed. Leia figured they must be nearing their destination. Whatever it may be.

"Approaching destination and near upon arrival," Kilo announced, one hand remaining on his ship's controls while the other reached out to his side to click a few keys on the nav computer. "I suggest you gather and repack your things. We should be landing sometime today."  
Leia gave an appropriate nod and ventured to ask, "May we ask and where we are headed and receive an answer yet?"

Kilo's eyes focused out the viewport, he shook his head and told her, "Not yet, Princess. Not. Yet."

* * *

Leia packed her bags in silence, every now and then risking a look over her shoulder. She couldn't bear the uncomfortable, angry silence that remained floating between them. She longed to break it down, throw herself in Han's arms and apologize if that was what it would take to stop this madness.

She tried turning her focus back to packing as she grabbed a load of her clothes and haphazardly stuffed them into a bag. She stopped, turn to look at Han who kept to himself as well, stuffing his own bag with his own clothes and few belongings.. Leia opened her mouth to say something to him, to apologize, perhaps, but her mind couldn't seem to find the right words. She racked her brain for a decent-sounding apology, but Leia wasn't sure that that was what Han needed to hear right now. No, he didn't need an apology. What he needed was an assurance which was merely all that Leia could give him in response to his own yearning which matched hers with equal fervor. So it was because Leia knew, no matter how horrible it hurt to admit if even just to herself, as long as she and Han were busy at work with the Rebellion, a child was completely out of the question. She settled for those word and opened her mouth to speak-  
The ship suddenly jerked- hard- and Leia gasped as she was thrown into the nearest wall. She tried to get back up, but found herself stuck as if nailed there. "Leia!" she heard Han scream and she craned her neck to look for him, her chest heaving. " _Leia!_ " he screamed again and she wanted to try and get up again, but the weight of gravity kept her pressed down in an uncomfortable position between the nook where the wall met the floor. She felt it as the transport ship landed with a sudden thud . . . and everything turned to darkness . . .

* * *

"Leia! Leia! Where are you?" Leia woke up to yelling and she immediately winced, her head pounding with a horrible headache, a hard pressing just behind her eyes. "Leia!" Again came the call and, at first, she couldn't place the voice, but process of elimination told her it was Luke. She started to get up, but something weighed on her, a large, heavy object, and she could hardly breathe with the hunk on her chest. "Luke?" she tried to answer back, but her voice sounded quiet and muffled even to her. "Luke!'" She sucked in a quick breath and yelled again. "I can't get up! I need help!"

"Leia!" That was Han's voice, loud, gruff, and concerned.  
"I think she's over there," she heard Luke say and the sound of bounding footsteps quickly neared and grew louder as her brother and husband approached.  
"Here. Help me lift this chunk." Then, slowly, the light made it back to her and she soon made out Han's face as he lifted the metal plating off of her. "Hey, sweetheart," he was quick to soothe, his voice laced over with worry as hard as he tried to hide it. "You okay?"  
"Yeah," she said and managed a nod, slowly sitting up with Luke's help. "What happened to the ship? Is Kilo alright?"  
Han shoved the metal plating that had been lying on top of Leia aside and helped her to her feet. He shook his head and guided her through the wreckage of their transport and outside. "Nah," he said. "But that's alright. I don't think Kilo was a friendly."  
"What do you mean?"  
Luke pointed to the cockpit and told her, "We think he might have been an Imperial spy. We looked into it a little and all that he was told about our mission was where to bring us. Well, he brought us there."  
"We think he was trying to cause more damage than just to us, but we got lucky."  
"Where are we supposed to be?"  
"We checked in with Rieekan and he said we're in the right place." Han took Leia by her shoulders and turned her so she was facing away from him, facing a range of gorgeous, ragged, purple mountains capped with pure, white snow. "Alderaan," Leia muttered. "We're on Alderaan."


	5. Chapter 5

Leia led Han, Luke, and Chewie on a hike downhill, slowly making way for the nearest town. Of course, this had been the first action; to figure out what had happened and why and then move on to focus on survival. Although, it hadn't taken Leia's mind long to remember what she had been going to say to Han before the ship had begun its rapid descent. Han had experienced a change in attitude toward her already since they'd crashed, but Leia couldn't go on any further without talking to him. What if she hadn't been able to talk to him again? What if one of them had died because of the crash . . . and their last words to each other had been exchanged out of anger. Leia was grateful beyond compare that that they both were still here and alive and she decided it couldn't wait a second more. She slowed herself down so Han would eventually catch up with her and when he did, she went straight to her words. "I just want to make sure you understand that I want this as bad as you do-"

"I know you do, sweetheart," Han nodded and took her hand in his. The notion reassured Leia that their fighting was over with. "I'm sorry if you thought I didn't think that because I know you do."  
"Hang on. Let me finish, flyboy. I really don't think that right now's the time. That's all. It can't be that long until we can finally have this. Just not now."  
With how well this short conversation had been going, Leia had been hoping for more of a response to that, but Han only nodded this time. Leia gave a little sigh, but fell silent, intertwining her fingers with Han's and continued walking.

"Do you know where we're at?" Luke asked as he trailed slightly behind. However, to Leia's surprise and pleasure, she realized he must have been trailing on purpose. She quickly flashed him a smile of gratitude before answering. "Honestly, I've never been up this high on Alderaan's mountains before. We're not that high, but . . . high enough that I don't know what places we're near. We'll have to wait until we reach the mountain's base. Then, I'll be able to tell you for sure. Just be grateful Kilo landed on one of the smallest mountain ranges."  
Luke gave a small nod as he took that in. "How much longer, do you think?"  
"Maybe a full day. Hopefully, a little less than that. I promise, it's not too far."  
"Better not be," Han said. "We lost all our rations in a small fire that started from the ship's crash."  
"Okay, but what do you think Kilo was trying to land on if he even brought us to Alderaan _to_ cause more damage?"  
"I'm not entirely sure that it would matter," Leia told them. "Alderaan is an ancient planet of rich history the Alderaanians treasure. We'd be hurt enough if even one of these ranges were somehow destroyed. But one might not understand that. Probably enemies of the Rebellion, but not working for the Empire. Otherwise, Kilo could have actually done damage. He could have been with a group that was targeting the palace or another Head House. There are a lot of people who don't like Alderaan's rising opposition to the Empire."  
"So, it was probably the work of some amateur terrorist group. Nice."  
"But somebody might be after my family," Leia muttered. "That's really not good."  
"Think that's why High Command sent us on a mission?" It was Luke who asked and Leia wanted to applaud his thinking.  
With a sigh, Han shook his head and responded. "I don't think so kid. Get sent on a mission to protect the Organas from a terrorist group and have the luck to have our transport taken over by the same group?"  
"No," Leia shook her head in agreement with Han. "We're here for something else. I don't think Mothma, Dodonna, or even Rieekan knows someone's after my parents. We have to figure out why we really were sent here."  
"Hopefully your parents will know," Han added. "Whatever it is that's going on, we need to figure it out and soon."

* * *

Leia had never slept so well before her wedding night with Han, the first time they'd slept together. The first time Leia had ever slept with a man. He always offered her comfort and kept her assured, but tonight was different and Leia's sleep was plagued with a terrifying, cold dread.  
She could hear screams of the injured and grieving as their cries echoed down the streets. Of where? Leia had no idea. She couldn't see what street or what place. She couldn't really see anything. She could only feel.  
Leia somehow knew that she was walking down this street, slowly, nearly paralyzed with fear. She could hardly stand watching as tragedy unfolded around her and she felt as though Tragedy were a gas and she was going to die slowly as it crept into her lungs and suffocated her. She could feel everyone's fear and pain as she passed. It washed over her like a scorching hot sanisteam. She found it hard to breathe in their midst. The metallic, iron stench of blood clogged her nose and it was nauseating to not only see (or, in Leia's case, somehow understand or know) that the streets were running with pools of blood, but to _smell_ it. Then, she stopped. Down the way was a person, another victim to the attack injured and dying of their wounds. But this wasn't just any person. No, not to Leia. Before she knew what she was doing, she ran and dove for the body, gathering up the person in her arms. Through the Force, she felt an overwhelming surge of love for the person and agony rush from herself and she held the dead body to her, screaming at whoever had done this. But who was it? Leia's outpouring of love turned to anger and devastation and she screamed and screamed and screamed, futilely trying to save her love. . . . Her love? Han?  
Leia woke up in an instant, gasping and swinging herself to sit bolt upright. She shuddered with fear, like a post traumatic reaction to her own vision. Could it still be considered a vision if she hadn't seen anything? It had all been feelings and emotions; streets flooding with desperation and an overwhelming sense of giving up. She could feel everyone's pain, their fear. Her own emotions, a rolling toil of fury and . . . and the loss of hope. Leia shook her head to clear her thoughts. Tears slid down her face and she let out silent sobs.  
"Leia?" Han's voice gently whispered as he sat up and his arms came to wrap around her waist. "Hey, sweetheart. Princess, you okay? What's wrong?"  
"Nothing," she answered, quickly wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "I'm fine."  
"No, you're crying. Did you have a bad dream?"  
Leia met her husband's soft, hazel-eyed gaze and she nodded, bringing up a hand to caress his stubble-covered cheek. "Yeah," she admitted. "It was just a nightmare, but it's fine. . . . It wasn't real."  
Han smiled softly at her and pulled her back down to sleep. "Good. Now, close your eyes and I'll scare all your nightmares away for you."  
Leia didn't say any more. She gave a little nod and rested her head on his chest while he quickly drifted back to sleep. Her silent crying persisted and she treasured the warm feeling of Han's body touching hers while she still could. _No!_ she silently screamed at herself, her fingers playing with the hair on Han's chest. _No, I'll never let anything happen to you, Han, I swear! You saved my life that day in_ _Jabba's_ _palace. You protected me from_ _Jabba_ _and the bounty hunters. I'll protect you, too. Whatever it is that attacked you. I won't let anything or anyone hurt you. I swear._ Leia lightly kissed his jaw and then closed her own eyes. _I love you,_ _flyboy._

* * *

It was in the following afternoon, after they three had been walking for some time, that they made it to the bottom of the mountainous area. It was partially flocked with tourists and Leia politely asked one guide for a ride to the nearest town. He took them all the way to Aldera, the three riding in the back of his company vehicle.  
"I apologize for the mess back there, Princess," the man sputtered to Leia.  
"It's fine." Leia glanced at his name badge and smiled. "Not a worry, Amable. Thank you for the ride."  
The guide stopped just outside the palace grounds and Leia led them to a door in the back where it would hopefully be less noticed that three dirty humans and a wookiee were entering the palace. They came through a small door that led straight into a training gym and Chewie had to bend to enter. "It feels almost nostalgic being here again," Han said with a smile, holding Leia's hand in his as they exchanged sappy smiles.  
Instead of responding with something of equally sweet value, Leia smirked and said, "And you still have yet to enter my parents' home through the main door. You have to stop sneaking in, Solo." Han smirked back at her and Luke swore his stomach was rolling.  
The men, human and wookiee alike, followed Leia across the gym and through the palace's backside until they came to a huge kitchen. A woman with dark, curly hair jumped at the sound of the door swinging open, but immediately relaxed when she turned to see them. " _ **Leia**_!" she gasped, tossing a large pot aside and she came running to sweet Leia into a fierce hug before Leia could even say 'hi' back.  
"Hi, Sabé!" Leia managed, squeezing back. Reluctantly, the older woman let go and she stepped back to look at Leia. "I can't believe you're here! We've missed you so much! Even _I_ keep forgetting that you're grown up and . . ." She trailed off, her gaze slowly switching to- "Han!"  
"Oh, no," Han muttered just before Sabé threw her arms around him in greeting. "About time you two pay a visit. And you too, Luke. Come on. Don't tell me you thought I didn't notice you hanging back there. _Come_ here."  
Luke gave a laugh as he had his turn hugging the Nabooan woman. Then, quickly and suddenly, she pushed him back and stared him down. "Goodness gracious," she muttered. "You look just like Anakin." She shook her head, grabbed a fistful of her skirt in one hand, and called out, "Mem! You won't believe who's here! Memily!"  
"Sabé," Leia spoke up and the woman immediately turned her attention back to the princess. "Are my parents home right now? We really need to talk to them."  
Sabé gave a knowing smile and nodded. "Oh, I know. High Command sent you all, huh? We didn't think we'd be as lucky that they'd send _you_ , Leiá. I know why you're all here. High Command sent you and I suppose they haven't told you a thing." Sabé held Leia's gaze and her smile quickly vanished. "Bail and Breha will explain."

* * *

"What difference will it make?" Breha's husband was saying to Raymus Antilles. "Our guards are not equipped to handle a scenario of this proportion. We don't have a military! And they're hardly guards by Coruscant's standards."  
"Sir," an advisor rushed in performed a quick bow to the viceroy and queen. "Viceroy and Queen Organa, I believe you have visitors."  
"This late?" Breha said. "Goodness, it's nearly dinner time."  
"My Queen," the advisor smiled and pointed back down the hall. "It's Princess Leia and . . ." He visibly winced. "And _Prince Han."_  
Say no more, smiles lit up the queen and viceroy's faces and they urged him to take them where the young couple was waiting. They were led down the palace's halls and corridors until they came to the dining room. Breha came to a halting stop. Seated at the head of the table in her usual spot was her Lelila. She quickly rose from her seat and Breha burst in delight. "Lelila!" She smiled and rushed into Breha's arms. "Mama," she said. They stayed like that for a long moment before Leia fell into Bail's arms and the two took their turn together.  
"What are you doing here?" Breha asked, still overcome by the pleasant surprise. She glanced past her daughter to see her son in-law there. And her daughter's brother and the wookiee friend. "All of you. Really, Lelila, how did you find the time?"  
"Actually, Mama, we were sent here. Unfortunately, this visit is . . . business related."  
Breha even felt it as her surprise flashed across her face and her thoughts were flooded with understanding. "High Command sent you three."  
"Rwaarggh!"  
"Excuse me. Four."  
Leia nodded and Han rose to come to her side. "Ma'am," he greeted her, sticking out a hand. Breha laughed shortly. She reached around him and hugged. "Please, just call me Mom. It's wonderful to see you again, Han."  
"Yes," Bail shook his head and smiled lightly. "Just wonderful." He looked again to Leia. "Please, dear, be honest. Did he hurt you?"  
Leia smiled and simply shook her head.  
Breha rolled her eyes at her husband and took Leia by the arm, bringing her through the door out the dining room. "Can't business wait just a little while? I'm starving!" She glanced at Leia and the weary and restless look to her eyes. "And I sense some necessary catch-up time."

* * *

Breha, Sabé, Memily, and Leia stayed in the kitchen for their own session of some good old-fashioned girl talk; Breha took out a ball of dough and laid it on the kitchen counter. She ripped it into four parts and handed each woman a piece.  
"So," Sabé beamed, taking her roll and kneading her knuckles into it. "What's up? How's the married life?"  
"Good," Leia said simply.  
"Well, then. Breha, is marriage really that horrible?" Sabé asked comically to Leia's dry response.  
"Something's wrong." Breha squinted at her, waiting for an explanation. "What happened?"  
"Nothing really happened. It's a reoccurring fight," Leia began to explain and Breha and Sabé both sat with her to listen. "It's about starting a family."  
"Are you pregnant?!" Sabé gasped and, to her growing disappointment, Leia shook her head.  
"Han wants to start now and I think we should wait until the war settles and we actually have the time to raise a family. And no matter what I tell him, I can't get him to understand why it's such a horrible idea to do it now."

* * *

"Be honest," Bail asked of his son in-law as soon as he'd shut the door to the private living room. He'd dragged Han, Luke, Chewie in with him. "What's wrong with you and Leia?"  
"Wrong?"  
"You heard me. Was it a fight?"  
Han eyed the man suspiciously and Baik chuckled. "I've been married for _years._ I know that kind of weariness when I see it." Bail waited for a count of eleven before Han released a heavy sigh and told him, "Leia and I both want to have a family. And soon. I don't know how much longer I can wait, but Leia doesn't want to do it right now because of the war."  
"She's right, you know," Bail told him quietly. His eyes stinging, Han responded with, "I know she is."

* * *

"You're right about it," Breha assured Leia. "Don't crack out of impatience. When you do finally get that family, you'll be glad you waited."  
"I know," Leia nodded, her gaze focused on the cool dough in her hands. She grabbed a serated knife and carved three long, diagonal slashes into the dough before putting it on the tray with Memily's and Sabé's. "It's just the patience thing like you said. I don't know how much longer I can wait."

* * *

"I know she's right. She's always right. I don't think it's a good idea. I _know_ it's a really bad idea. Having a baby in the middle of this war while we're busy fighting. I'm not that stupid. That's why I'm thinking of this like it's a choice. I can't wait, Bail. That's why I'd rather settle down somewhere peaceful, away from the fighting, and have the baby _now."_

* * *

"The one problem is," Memily frowned cautiously at Leia as she spoke. "How long will it be before things are more peaceful and your share of the fighting is over? And when is finally is peaceful, how long will it last?" She poured a box if noodles into a boiling pot of water and sat beside Leia to squeeze her hand. "I hate to break it to you, but Han has a point. Time is tricky and it is never willing to bend for anyone. What if the galaxy never sees peace? What if it takes years and generations more before we crush the Empire? There isn't always a perfect time for everything. Sometimes . . . you have to fit things into your schedule."

* * *

"That's the problem with Leia, isn't it?" Bail gave an easy smile and set a hand on Han's shoulder. "She's too focused on the war, too driven to even ever guess you'd be thinking about this problem like that. She can only see this one way. She's going to keep fighting this war. In her mind, she has to. If you want her to understand what you're thinking, you have to be blunt and tell her in simple, black and white words. You can't dance around it and wait for her to guess. You have to tell her yourself. And soon."

* * *

"That really scares me," Leia admitted, looking her mother dead in the eyes.  
Breha's features softened and she sat beside Leia to pull her into a hug. "I know it does, Lelila, but Han will be there right with you. You don't have to, either. We're just saying. Hey! Your father and I raised you during this war. Bail brought you home, flying back home while Palpatine was murdering the Jedi left and right, destroying the galaxy, the Old Republic, all in one night."  
"Mama, you raised me here. On Alderaan. Not on some rebellion base or unknown planet. Everything you gave me was consistent and steady and balanced. I had a steady home and I saw you and Daddy nearly every day. I always knew where my meals would be coming from. I always knew what I was going to do each day. Everything was . . ."

* * *

"Safe," Han muttered. "Consistent. She's right. Leia's completely right. It wouldn't make a difference. I know that Leia's right."  
"Ehh," Bail drawled, thinking on it. "It doesn't hurt to talk to her again."  
"B."  
Bail turned at the sound of his wife's sweet voice and she smiled at him. "Dinner is just about ready."  
She quickly left as Sabé called for her help setting the table and Bail flashed Han a quick look before following. "Soon," he said with a smile. "Soon is better."

* * *

Polite conversation lasted long enough before it came to a dry stop. They'd all caught up on the past several months and now, all that was left to discuss was the present. At which point, Breha sighed. "I suppose it's time for business isn't it?"


	6. Chapter 6

All four guests helped clean up the dinner and it wasn't long before they were done and business was to follow. Bail, Breha, Leia, Han, Luke, and Chewie all crowded into Bail's study where the viceroy brought up a display to show the others. Shining in the dark was the image of a large, spherical shape, dark gray with a crater in its northern hemisphere. "This," Bail told them, his voice grave and solemn. "Is why you're here."  
"What is that?" Han leaned forward, carefully examining the figure. "Is it a moon?"  
"No, I'm afraid not. It's a space station," Bail explained. "Thanks to a small rebel cell of Corellians, we found these off of the Imperials. They're plans to a battle station."  
"And what are they planning to do with that?"  
"We believe its crater is a weapon; a gigantic laser that can cause mass devastation, destroy buildings, cities-"  
Breha shook her head and told them bluntly, "That's putting its capabilities rather lightly. We believe it has the power and energy to destroy whole _worlds._ And there's nothing light about that. We reported these plans to High Command and they promised us a small team to help investigate and decide how to deal with this threat. Personally, I think our only option is to destroy it."  
"How would are we supposed to destroy something that huge?" Luke asked, peering a cautious look towards the projection. "Build our own superweapon?"  
Breha frowned slightly at that and she told him in a whisper, "We must never become like them. You can't fight dark with dark. Then, we're all the same. And that isn't just an Alderaanian proverb I'm spouting. This weapon, they are calling it the Death Star. Right there is proof that they have big plans for this station. This matter is not to be taken lightly."  
"Do you think the Empire has a specific target in mind?" Han asked, his palms pressed to the table. "If they're calling it the _Death_ Star, it sounds like they've already got plans for its use."  
Bail and Breha both released heavy sighs, sharing a look of dread before the viceroy was the one to respond. "The Emperor and his followers rule with fear. They like to make examples of the innocent and anyone who dares voice objection. We believe they may have the motive and reason to target _us._ We held a small meeting with Aryn and Bornan just the other week. We've begun the steady process of unleashing a full out rebellion against the Empire. Alderaan no longer supports its laws and ideals."  
Leia took this all in with a nod, her face ghastly white as she leaned heavily on the table. "We are now out there for ourselves. This is war."  
"Vader has begun tracking all of the leaders within the Imperial Senate. He has his troops keeping an eye out for anyone acting suspicious."  
"Vader also fears a more determined enemy," Breha spoke again. When Leia looked to her mother, she found worry and pain swimming in her dark irises. It frightened Leia. "Not that I know much about the Force, but he seems to understand that more is going on on a deeper level. When Palpatine first declared himself Emperor, he claimed the whole Jedi Order guilty of treason and released Order 66. All the Jedi in the galaxy were to be terminated. After that was finished, he set his stormtroopers out to do a clean sweep."  
"The 501st Legion," Han said. "They were pretty thorough."  
"Wait, Mama. Hang on. You think that Vader is worried about _us?"_ It was Leia who asked this as she indicated herself and Luke with a thumb. Suddenly, she felt the same fear she saw in her mother's eyes clawing at her own heart.  
"I think Vader knows there's a reason to be worried," Breha instead responded. "I don't see any way he could possibly know anything about the two of you. I don't think he knows who you are yet. Well, he can't possibly know who Luke is."  
"Not yet," Bail repeated. "He doesn't know. Yet."

* * *

Leia and Han unpacked their things in Leia's room upstairs and split her dresser down the middle with Han's things on one half of each drawer, Leia's on the other. Once they got settled in, Leia grabbed a small, wrapped up package from her last travel bag and said to Han, "I thought I'd go visit Aryn and Bornan while we're here. Then, I can give them their wedding present. Do you want to come with me?"  
"Sure," Han said, throwing his legs off the side of Leia's bed.  
"I wish we'd been able to go to Aryn and Bornan's wedding," Leia said as she tossed Han a boot and he quickly pulled it back on. "But, no! You had to go and sacrifice yourself to Jabba!"  
Han smirked at her and stood to approach her and kiss her. When he broke the short, sweet kiss, he hovered there a moment. "Are you not counting anymore?"  
Leia beamed up at him, her cheeks rosy with color. "I _was,_ but then came our wedding night and I lost count."  
Han's smile turned to one of pleasure- or, rather, pleasure at the memory. He held her close and hovered his mouth over her hair. "Tonight," he said to her as if asking. "We can lose count again?"  
"Han, my parents' bedroom is under mine on the main floor."  
"Then, I'm sure they'll understand."  
Leia rolled her eyes, carrying Aryn and Bornan's gift with her as she left the room. "Come on, flyboy. It's already getting late."

* * *

Aryn had, as is tradition for the nobles, moved into the smaller palace of the House Thul which she and Bornan were now head of as they were to be Alderaan's next leaders. Leia liked their home as it always felt so welcoming and warm (and Bornan's family was the nicest, friendliest bunch of people Leia had ever met). She and Han approached the door and she gave a good knock. It took only several seconds before they were answered with the sound of the lock jiggling. Soon enough, the door opened to show Aryn standing there, inviting them in with an urgent hand gesture. " _Leia_!" she squealed. "Come in! Come in! And you too, Han."  
She stepped back from the door to let them in. Leia and Han shuffled their feet on the mat beside the door and, when Leia back to face her friend, she gasped aloud. "Oh, Aryn! I heard from Bornan, but I didn't realize you were this far along!" Leia was staring down at Aryn's midsection which was sporting a large, rounded baby bump. She gave Leia a light laugh, one hand rising to affectionately stroke her belly. "Yes, only a couple months now and we're expecting a baby boy."  
"Oh, congratulations!" Leia cried and hugged the fellow Alderaanian princess.  
" **Aryn!"** a heavy call sounded from upstairs and footsteps soon followed, thumping against the near staircase. "You'd better not be up and about, love!"  
Aryn heavily sighed with a quick roll of her eyes and she reached out for Leia's arm. "Oh, heavenly day! I might as well be terminal! Help me to the living room, would you? Bornan wants me on bed rest and I don't even need it."  
Leia smiled and her and Han helped her quickly across the foyer and to the near living room and sofa.  
"Aryn!" Bornan called again, now running into the living room. He stopped to see Aryn resting on their couch and Han and Leia seating themselves just across from her. Aryn smiled at him. "Yes, love?"  
"Were you on the couch a minute ago?"  
Aryn held out a hand to gesture to her husband and she said to Leia and Han, "See what I mean? Do you hear him? You'd think I was dying!"  
"Do you hear her?" Bornan mocked her, saying to Leia, one hand on his forehead, pantomiming a headache as he pressed down. "You'd think it's a crime I love her."  
Han cast a ling suffering look to his own wife and said, "Tell me about it."  
Bornan's shoulders finally relaxed as he laughed and he sat down beside Aryn, his arm wrapping protectively and lovingly around her shoulders. "It's good to see you back home! I don't suppose the two of you are planning on a baby Solo anytime soon?"  
Han blew out a sigh while Leia noticeably shifted her gaze away. Bornan quickly took his cue and changed the subject, much to the Solos' relief. "So, what brings you over? And to Alderaan at that!"  
Leia drew her lips tight and shook her head. "Confidential," she said, nodding towards a few of House Thul's aides who stood nearby.  
"Ah, got it."  
"We thought we'd stop by and give you both your wedding gift from us." Leia held out the wrapped package to Bornan. "Thank you," he said. "But you already got us that frame."  
"I know. This is something more personal, though. A little gift from the Organa House to yours. My mother said her former house of Antilles gave my father and his family a gift once they had married. A gift from the former ruling house to the next."  
Bornan nodded and repeated himself, "Thank you. Say, Han, would you mind staying just a tad bit longer and helping me upstairs in the nursery? I can't figure the crib's instructions out."  
Han briefly looked to Leia and followed Bornan up the staircase. "Of course."  
With the husbands gone, Leia and Aryn were left in the living room with the few aides. "Caliska, Mina, Jehta," she said. "You're all dismissed. "Thank you, m'lady." Then, Aryn looked back to Leia and began to speak to her softly, gently. "Leia, I have known you for so long, almost as long as Bornan's known you. And maybe we're not as good friends, but it doesn't take a dummy to sense the tension around you and Han when Bornan mentioned the two of you raising a family."  
"There've been," Leia sighed, tucking her hair past one ear and averting her gaze for a moment. " . . . _disagreements_. Everyone's picking up on it, I'm starting to feel like the bad guy here."  
"What's wrong? Is Han against the idea?"  
"No. No, it's actually me that's not on board."  
"You, Leia? _You,_ of all people? You don't want a baby?"  
"Someone, arrest me already!"  
"Remember when we were little kids and we'd play House like every other little kid? You always insisted on being the mom and Princess Elsie would let you sit and hold Gram's little sister Frenéa. You loved it. And then came the marriage market and you told me that, maybe you weren't too excited about marrying Raal or Gram, but you said that you couldn't wait to become a mother one d-"  
"Yeah, I know. Sabé already reminded me of the all the dolls I used to feed every morning and night and burp like I'd seen Elsie do with Frenéa. And then there were our childhood days of House and I'd go around calling my favorite doll Jacen. I know. I've heard it about fifty times since we got here. Look, Aryn, I don't want to talk about it. It's been this stupid fight between me and Han since our wedding night and I don't know how much more of it I can handle."  
Aryn would have stepped back had she been standing. "I'm sorry, Leia," she said.  
Leia looked back to her friend and guilt immediately flooded her expression. "No, I'm sorry, Aryn. I . . ." Tears welled in her eyes and Aryn stood to help wipe them away. "Hey, stop it! _I'm_ supposed to be the hormonal one! I didn't realize the subject was that touchy."  
Leia hardly left a breath in-between Aryn's last word before she took the plunge and admitted, "You're right, Aryn. You're completely right. I have my reasons for being against having a baby right now even though I want to and I was staying strong, but then I come back home and here you are . . . ! With everything that I want. Hardly any worries," she began to count off. "The steady, determined home, the peace, the _baby_." She sighed, covering her face with her hands. "I really want a baby."  
"Okay, I don't know what's going on with you and this nonexistent baby, but you can be an aunt in the meantime. Until you figure it out, I mean. And, by the way, I hope you decide to raise a little one. I can't wait to sit back and watch a little child of yours and Han's wreak havoc across the galaxy." Aryn slowly made way for the staircase, smiling softly at Leia. "Relax, Leia. Just rest. Give it some time. Think about it. Whatever it takes. Just know that Bornan and I are always here to talk to."

* * *

Luke was still up when Han and Leia got back and settled into bed for the night. Sleep was currently very alluring, but Luke feared what came with it. He had decided he needed a distraction. He was up still, studying the schematics of the Death Star, surveying every curve and edge, trying to find a seemingly nonexistent weakness. His eyes seemed to be stuck on the indent which lined its whole perimeter, dividing the space station into two horizontal hemispheres. He enlarged the image and zoomed in on the inside work of the superweapon. He realized that the Alderaanian viceroy and queen were right to fear this new advance in the Empire's strategy. Luke couldn' find any possible weak points. Other than the main reactor itself . . .  
Luke had to admit that, even to himself, he sounded crazy, but he didn't have any other ideas. A direct shot would have to be made to hit the reactor and completely obliterate the station, but it wasn't a shot that could be made from a few feet away from the Death Star. No, it was too big for that. Someone would have to get up close to be sure that the shot made it. Someone would have to run _through_ the Death Star and die with it.

* * *

Luke got up the next morning to find that his sister was, once again, up even earlier. He came out of his guest room, depending on the presences of others to find his way to the dining room. Once he found his way, he saw Bail sitting at the table with his daughter and Sabé and Memily cooking breakfast behind the kitchen counter. Seeing Luke up, Sabé snatched a plate from the cabinet and slid a couple nerf sausage links straight out of the pan. Memily dished some eggs onto the plate and held it out to Luke. "Hotcakes, milk, and syrup are on the table," she said. Luke gratefully accepted the plate and thanked the cooks. He sat down beside Leia and reached for a hotcake. "You're up early," he noted aloud. "Again."  
Leia shrugged, grabbing another hotcake for herself and told Luke, "Han snores really loudly."  
The brother chuckled, his arm now going for the pitcher of nerf milk. He pulled it closer and Leia quickly leaned away, one hand going to cover her nose. "Is that smell the milk?!"  
"What? What's wrong with the milk?"  
Leia wrinkled her nose and pushed the pitcher away. "Don't you smell that? It smells disgusting!"  
Luke sniffed the pitcher and shook his head. "It smells perfectly fine, Leia!" He handed it to Bail who took a sniff for himself. He looked to Luke and shrugged. Leia frowned and quickly left the table, saying, "It smells nauseating!"  
Sabé came around the table with another heaping plate of hotcakes. "Leave some for the others!" She admonished as both Bail and Luke reached for second helpings. She slapped Luke's hand and sighed. Just what do you think you're doing? Did your aunt and uncle never feed you?"  
"Food on the farm can be a little, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? Bland, tasteless, mushy."  
"Hm," Bail paused before taking another bite of his hotcakes. "We didn't consider that before Obi-Wan brought you to Tatooine."  
Just then, Han came lumbering down the staircase, took a sniff, and smiled. "Smells good, whatever it is."  
"Breakfast," Breha smiled, entering from the other door. She was already showered and dressed unlike everyone else in the kitchen. "And we'd better finish quickly. Aryn, Bornan, and the other Houses are expecting us for a meeting. We've been meeting weekly since we agreed this was a state of emergency."  
The queen was clearly distressed, overcome by the stress of the impending danger. Luke felt worried _for he_ r. "I was up last night studying the Death Star's schematics," he quickly said in a rush of words. "I think I found a way to destroy it."


	7. Chapter 7

It was a bit overwhelming to be surrounded by so many royal people and Luke wondered if it still irked Han, too. After getting dressed for the day, the Organas' chauffeur Valden drove them to the House Thul royal palace. They were meeting with all the other royal Alderaanian houses including the Cortesses (Prince Gram's own family), Aryn and Bornan Thul and their parents, and Heeth, Raal, and the other Panteers. The Organas were led, by one of House Thul's servants, upstairs to a conference room where the others were already waiting. As only proper, Leia took Han to the front of their group to greet the other houses and Luke, being of the lower class, hung back and bowed to them. Leia was nice enough, though, to invite him to sit with her and Han. "As an equal," she'd said to the other nobles. "Luke Skywalker is an incredible asset to the Rebellion and he informs me that he has discovered a way to defeat the Empire's latest threat, the Death Star." Then, she turned a sharp look on him and Luke knew how horrible it would be if his plan was filled with holes or completely unrealistic all together. Leia sat down and nodded him on. Luke slowly rose to address the royal families. _Relax,_ he told himself. _These people need help. Keep a clear head, tell them what you need to say, talk it out. These are nice people. Just relax and talk._

"First, let me thank you all for receiving me. I understand what that means when I hold no rank. I want to help you all and I believe I have found a way to deal with the Emperor and Lord Vader's Death Star." _See? That wasn't so bad! By the way, nice job not wincing and tripping over Vader's name,_ Luke silently congratulated himself. _He's not your father._ _Anakin_ _Skywalker is._

Luke took out the projection of the superweapon and displayed it for the Alderaanians. "As you know, these are the schematics and plans for the Death Star, seemingly indestructible, but not quite. See the indent in the middle. That trench is the only way to the core of the weapon. Its core is its own main reactor. If we can set the main reactor off, we'll destroy the D-"

"That's impossible!" Princess Elsie Cortess snorted, glaring at the holo. "Running _into_ that weapon? They'll kill us!"

"Wait," Bail held up a hand to quiet Elsie. "Luke, how do you propose we do this?"

"Well, it only makes sense to fly in with X-Wings. If we take a squadron in to set off the main reactor while a fleet plays defense-"

"That's suicide!" This time, the objection came from Leia. "The squadron wouldn't make it. They'd have to be too close to the reactor when they set it off. Couldn't we just launch an attack on the Death Star?"

"That would cost the Rebellion too much of its resources," Bornan said, shaking his head. He sat between Aryn and his parents, holding Aryn's hand in his. "The station's build is too strong for a possible attack. We wouldn't stand a chance. We don't enough missiles, bombs, and other weapons to even try that."

"Say we did try carrying out Luke's idea," Han said, sitting back in his seat, staring thoughtfully at the Death Star. "Theoretically, couldn't we pull it off and survive if we had a fast enough ship? Hit the reactor and just go flying past. We wouldn't even stop to make the hit. Just keep going."

"General Solo," Prince Thieron frowned at the Corellian. He still carried a grudge against the man for 'ruining' his House's deal with the Organas and foiling Gram's proposal to Princess Leia. Although, Gram had apologized to Leia for what had happened and there were no hurt feelings among any of the princes who had proposed to Leia. However, their families felt differently. "I don't suppose you know of a ship that fast? To survive such an explosion?!"

* * *

So, this was Luke's idea, Leia thought as she considered every fine detail of the plan in her head. Like many of the other nobles, Leia could think of a few holes in her brother's plan, but she was still proud of him for the idea. She could tell that, despite how many issues Luke hadn't yet thought up ways to fix, he had still done his homework and put quite a bit of thought into his plan. If only it weren't so unlikely to work. Leia tried to think of any quick fixes that would help, but Bornan had a point. The Rebellion wasn't ready to face such a threat.

"Say we did try carrying out Luke's idea," Leia heard her husband respond as he sat back and considered. "Theoretically, couldn't we pull it off and survive if we had a fast enough ship? Hit the reactor and just go flying past. We wouldn't even stop to make the hit. Just keep going."

"General Solo," Prince Thieron gave him a frown and almost snorted at the mere idea. He and Han weren't exactly friends and it annoyed Leia that the elder noble couldn't hold back his disgust just for one meeting. "I don't suppose you know of a ship that fast? To survive such an explosion?!"

As soon as the words left Thieron's mouth, jumped off his tongue, Leia knew what Han had to be thinking. And she didn't like it. Still, she kept her patience, waiting for Han to respond, waiting to be wrong, so she hoped. A glint came to Han's eye and he flashed his famous grin at Thieron as he prepared to answer back. "I may know a ship," he began, his smile turning into a wide beam. Leia's insides turned to mush. Her heart fell to the floor and she wanted to scream at him before he could even explain to everyone else. "Her name's the _Millennium Falcon."_

 _"_ _ **No!"**_

Everyone around the table jumped at the sound of Leia's urgent yell, but, perhaps, she was most surprised by herself. A feeling that oddly resembled something like fear grabbed hold of her, holding her by her shoulders, forcing her to watch it all unfold. A sensation hit her, one so strong Leia could _see_ it. The image was too vivid and it overcame Leia. The blood. It was everywhere. The stench of death hung so heavily in the air, it stung Leia's eyes. Or, maybe that was the tears that were now falling unbidden down her face. The sensation of holding Han in her arms suddenly came and faded just as quickly and Leia used that fear as she tried to sway her husband.  
Alarmed, Han asked her, "What?"

"I said no," Leia repeated, her voice shaking. "You can't go. I won't let you."

"Leia, what else are-"

"No! Han, that's suicide!" she screamed at him, urgent, afraid, tormented by her vision. Why wouldn't he just listen to her and trust what she was telling him? "No ship is that fast! You can't go! You aren't going to leave me like that!"

"What?" Confused, Han frowned, but Thieron was quick to carry on with the conversation.

"Someone needs to set off that reactor. Is there any other way?" He looked to Luke.

The poor kid went white and he struggled to stutter off his answer. "Uh, um, not that I can see, no." He said it with regret, his heart heavy, his face pale, and his mouth dry with guilt. "That's the only way."

"And that's assuming we don't have to deal with a shield!" Thieron burst. Gram, Raal, Heeth, and Bornan all exchanged a long look as they took this in. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Bornan spoke up. "I understand the risk," he said, smoothing out his purple and gold jacket for the purpose of busying his worried hands. "And I understand how awful it would be to send a loved one to their death, but I also understand the needs of our people and we cannot hesitate to do what we must in these desperate times. We find ourselves faced with the ultimate dilemma: take this risk and potentially save our world. . . . Or await our destruction. And I will not sleep easy having so many deaths on my conscience. We must make the difficult decision and do what we can to save our home. We have no other choice. We must send someone in."

* * *

Han and Leia both looked to each other at the same moment and Han was startled to find himself staring into irises darker than he had ever seen on his wife. Her usually brown eyes were dark with what appeared to be grief, but he couldn't fathom why she would be feeling that. Today, she seemed almost moody, edgy, like her hands were gripping the sides of her chair in fear. Everything seemed to set her off and Han didn't know how to handle the bomb.

It was only when a little color came to her cheeks that Han realized how pale she'd gone as well. Her lips trembled and she slowly tore her gaze from him. Then, just as suddenly as she continuously went off today, Leia got up from her chair. "Excuse me," she quickly spit out, hurrying to leave. "I'm not feeling well."

Han looked to Luke, hoping for an answer, but the kid only shrugged before dismissing himself from the meeting as well and rushing off in the direction his sister had gone.

* * *

Luke took off at a run, following his Force instincts to find his sister. It wasn't long before he found himself standing in front of the door to the women's refresher. Luke gave a Corellian curse he'd learned from Han before opening the door and going in. He was quickly greeted by the sound of retching, vomit sloshing as it hit the 'fresher bowl's water. Luke bent over and cautiously peered under each stall, looking for Leia's black wedged shoes. He found them and stopped outside the stall. "Leia," he called to her. "Leia, are you okay, sis?"

"Luke, I'm fine. Just go back to the meeting. Please."

"You don't sound fine," Luke insisted, even interrupted by the sound of Leia gagging, then throwing up again. Luke took a small step back and held his hand out to the stall door. Using the Force, Luke imagined the lock on the other side of the door. He found it, mentally grasping it in his hand. Then, he gave it a good shake and the lock responded by jiggling until it unlocked with a click and Luke swung the door open to kneel behind Leia and hold her long, thick hair back.

After a while, Leia stopped vomiting and she fell back in her brother's arms, crying and shaking. Luke just held her, unsure of what to do. Unsure of what to say. Their recent brother-sister issues seemed to vanish as Leia showed no signs of discomfort with Luke holding her to him. He gently rubbed her back and rocked her, reaching keep into the Force and futilely truing to take some of Leia's emotional pain for her, but she wouldn't let him in. "I don't want him to leave," Leia cried and sobbed while Luke held her. "I don't want him to die."


	8. Chapter 8

**AN** : Since I'm finished writing this fanfic, would you rather I wait a few days as I put out the chapters or just give you the rest of this book right now?

* * *

The meeting ended early and the Houses rather awkwardly, one by one, said their goodbyes and filed out. The Organas and gang left last and Leia didn't talk to Han nor share eye contact the whole way home. She kept her gaze forward, ignoring Han, and, when Valden pulled the speeder up to the palace's entry way, Leia quickly got out. She was still pale with fear and more shaken than Han or the Organas had ever seen her. The dark mood was affecting the party's surrounding atmosphere and it took Sabé and Memily only a few seconds to gather that the meeting had not gone well. Bail hung up his robes by the door and Sabé, coming from the living room, asked him cautiously, "What happened? And what's wrong with Leia?"

Bail shrugged, helplessly, kicking off his shoes by the door. "Beats me," he said. Breha gave a sigh and told the Nabooan woman, "Something's wrong, but what I have no idea."

Luke and Han entered together after Breha. Han appeared frustrated with a tinge of worry. As for Luke, Sabé didn't need the Force to sense his distraught mood. Before she could even ask, both just frowned and shook their heads. She soon began to share their frustration and worry built inside her for her niece.

* * *

Leia had settled to stay lying on the floor of her and Han's bedroom. It had taken her a few minutes to realize her mistake in staying in her and _Han's_ room to be by herself, but, on the other hand, she wanted the comfort of having him there, knowing that he was still alive and there with her. Leia stayed where she was.  
She laid there for what might have been over an hour before the door opened. Hesitant footsteps entered and, soon, Leia opened her eyes to see Han leaning over her. "What's going on?" he asked, simply. Leia could only shrug lamely. Han helped her sit up and when Leia found herself staring into her husband's eyes, she marveled their green-brown swirl, but mostly green. They were only so green when he was worried. And Leia had hardly seen him worry about something other than herself. She raised a hand to graze his cheek, her fingers taking comfort in the light stubble that grew there. "I- I don't know," she tried to answer him as tears prickled from just behind her eyes. Finally, she broke down again and begged him, "Hold me!" Han reacted instantly, obeying her wish mostly because of instinct as his arms wrapped themselves around Leia's small frame, one arm around her waist, the other tight about her shoulders. He held her tight, close to himself, and it was just what Leia needed. She rested her head between his neck and shoulder and stayed there, assuring herself that he was okay. Han didn't say anything more. He just left her to her tears and wiped them for her, rocking her while she wept.

As if Han could hear what she was thinking, he said to her, "I'm here, Princess. I'm here and I'm never leaving."

* * *

No one else said anything to Leia after that. No one asked, no one prodded. Most had figured it would be safer to leave the rainy storm alone. Leia stayed silent the rest of the day, always following Han wherever he went, lingering just behind him throughout the day. The family spent the late afternoon in the living room watching Wynssa Starflare in his holodrama in which she played the daughter of a wealthy Grand Moff. In the last episode, her father was killed by a Rebel senator and the show's final scene portrayed his daughter gaining justice for his death as she cried tears of joy, standing over the senator's dead and ravaged body. Watching in horror, Han gave silent thanks that Leia had fallen asleep in his lap nearly an hour ago. _Stupid Imperial_ _holodramas,_ Bail kept muttering, but the holoscreen's guide was plagued with marathons of every Imperial program for Empire Day.

After an hour, Breha finally turned it off and everyone went off to bed. Han carried Leia to their room on the second floor. He kissed her lips delicately as he pulled pajama sweats onto her and tucked the blankets tightly around her lithe body. He crawled in beside her, but even the warmth and reassurance of his body there couldn't chase away her nightmares.

* * *

 _Fury controlled Leia and she let go of the body with one arm to reach towards her loved one's murderer. Her face screwed up and her heart consumed by despair, she unleashed the power that_ _Obi-Wan_ _and_ _Ferus_ _kept telling her she held. From somewhere deep within her, Leia took hold of all the darkness inside her and flung it at the attackers standing before her. She let them know exactly how she felt and killed them one by one._

* * *

"Rieekan, Mothma, and Dodonna are coming," Bail told Breha as she joined him in the kitchen the next morning.

Breha stopped by the counter, grabbing a cup of yogurt and stopping to stand there and smile lightly at him. "Why is it that I keep finding you up so early, lately? Suffering unrest, I suppose?"

"Aren't you worried?" Bail asked, taking her arm and pulling her over to sit with him.

"Of course I'm worried," Breha assured him, her expression suddenly growing dark and feartful. "More than I could ever let on. We have to be strong though, don't we? We have to stay strong, put on our bravest faces and keep Alderaan standing. How easy would it be for the Empire to defeat us if our people are terrified, shaken to the bone? I stay strong for Alderaan, B. It's our only hope."

Bail looked into his wife's glittering eyes and nodded. "You're right," he said. "Stay strong as you watch the storm approach. I don't know how you do it, my dove. Even I'm not that strong."

Breha shook her head and kissed her husband atop his head. "Yes, you are."

"Now, did they say anything else? Rieekan, Mothma, and Dodonna, I mean?"

"I was talking with Mon Mothma. I told her about Luke's idea and she's eager to plan an attack, assign roles."

Breha just answered back with a nod like she was only pretending to listen, but Bail knew she always listened. With the way her eyes were fixed forward, ahead, far ahead, at an unknown point, Bail figured his wife had other things on her mind. Such was the way she worked. Bail guessed her mind was still dwelling on their daughter. "Leia got really scared when Han suggested he'd make the run," Breha noted aloud.

Bail turned his head to hide his smile. _Boy, do I know you, my dove!_ He turned back to her and could only nod for a moment. Then, he went along with her. As he figured, Breha knew they'd have to talk about Leia's behavior, too. She was still their daughter. He brought them straight to the facts for her, saying, "Something's off about her, Breha. It's about more than her argument with Han and it's more than him volunteering to make the Death Star run, but I don't know what it _is."_

"I think we have to leave this to her and Han to figure out," Breha said softly, her eyes still dark with worry. "But Han is there for her. He'll figure out what's bothering her, whatever that may be. He knows how to get through to her."

The Alderaanian viceroy rubbed his temple with two fingers. "That still bothers me. We've hardly known our daughter's husband for a year."

Breha just flashed her husband a light smile, shaking her head. "And do you think either of us would have approved had we met him any sooner? B, you know he's looking out for her. Of course, I'm worried about Leia, but . . . but I know that she isn't so little anymore. Now, it's Han's turn to watch over her."

Bail groaned. His shoulders slumped and his head sank with them to hit the table. Breha chuckled now, her hands sliding up his arms and neck to hold the sides of his face. She left light kisses along his brow and comforted him as best she could. "We're going to figure this out," she insisted. "For Alderaan. We're going to get Alderaan through this."  
Bail finally looked up again, taking his wife into his arms and telling her, "You're going to have to get me through, first."

* * *

Sabé frowned slightly upon seeing Luke sitting in the smaller living room by himself, a bowl of Memily's frozen cream in his lap. His gaze was turned down, his eyes staring at the floor below him. Even when Sabé entered, Luke didn't move. "What's wrong with _you?_ " she asked.

Slowly, the young man looked to her and answered, "In the matter of a day, I have become the antihero."

Sabé just about turned back around, her exasperation quickly building. "No! Not you, too! What is with you guys? Fine. What's wrong with you, now?"

Luke hesitated for a moment, holding in a breath while Sabé waited, coming to his side to eat. "I wanted to do something that would make a difference," he began, struggling to elaborate at first. "I wanted to be a hero, too. I figured that if I found a way to destroy the Death Star I would have proved myself and I could be that hero."

"You did! You are! The rebellion is very grateful for what you learned-"

"And everyone else? The Houses aren't willing to sacrifice anyone; not that I blame them, of course. Leia's suddenly this ticking bomb, Han wants to make the run, and Leia isn't going to let that happen anytime soon. . . . Is it just me or has she not been acting much like herself lately?"

"No, it's not just you. Everyone's been noticing it." Sabé's gaze slowly slid away. She shook the thought away and turned back to comforting Luke. "You know, you really have done something good for the Rebellion. Luke, you very well may have saved Alderaan by making that discovery. Alderaan's citizens will never forget that. Now, you are a hero. You were always destined to be one."

"But that isn't good enough, is it? All I've done is point out the problem and tell them that the only way to fix it is the hard way-"

"Oh, Luke," Sabé smiled at him, pulling him into a hug. "You. Are just like your father. Always trying to be the hero. You represent all the good in your father. You and Leia both do. But don't put yourself down. Times are tough right now, but we'll figure it out. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be the hero to help us pull through." And she left it at that, a proud smile playing on her lips.

That night, sleep quickly overtook Luke, dragging him in, dragging him deep, deep, deep down. Sleep remained merciless as it took him down with purpose. Sleep had its own agenda and, as soon as it has Luke, the nightmares returned.

 _Like a flood, a sudden rush, the same scene of bleeding streets played Luke and he gasped aloud in his sleep, thrashing as he was taken with the current of blood. He drowned in it, thrashing his arms and legs as he fought the furious, red waves. It carried him down streets with all the other dead, lifeless, frail, bony bodies. It finally relented after some time, spitting Luke onto drier concrete. He coughed and hacked and gagged, clearing his senses of all the blood's effects. He wobbled himself up to a standing position and took a deep breath . . ._

 _Only to be invaded, body slammed down, beat and bruised to a pulp by the cries of his own sister. He saw her face, then; contorted in more pains than one, Luke's chest ached with the image of her. Her fury and hatred and anger so strong, Leia didn't even recognize him at first as he slowly approached. She was sitting on the ground with a body curled up in her arms and she held it closely, like she couldn't bear to part with whoever's soul had once occupied the now empty shell. In his dream, Luke couldn't see whose body it was, but he could almost_ feel _Leia's_ _great love for the person, her_ _outpoor_ _of grief at having lost this person. He decided to ignore the body, or at least try, while he worked to calm Leia, dragging her away from the scene while she screamed in protest and her eyes refused to leave the dead body alone. Luke got her to her feet and ran with her, hurrying away and calling for medical help, trying to get the body off both his and_ _Leia's_ _minds. He turned her around and ran with her, panting, breaths coming heavy, desperation taking over._ _Desperation. And the desperation took over._


	9. Chapter 9

"Please," her soft voice begged for the umpteenth time. Han let go of a long yet quiet sigh, his hand tracing its way back up her spine, the cloth of his wife's pajama shirt soft underneath his fingertips. He braced himself, dragging his eyes back to hers, forcing himself to look at her. She spoke to him again. "Han, promise me."

Now that he was at least looking on her, Han tried to see if it was possible to have this conversation while on autopilot. He'd try for the right words, but he wouldn't be focusing on them. That would hurt too much. "You know, somebody has to do it," he said simply. He chose a strand of hair and twirled it around his index finger, studying the magnificent chestnut color that it was. Her pain seemed to seep through the strand and into Han. He stifled another sigh.

"But why does it have to be you?" Leia cried, sitting up with Han. "Han, it can anyone. Anyone! Anyone in the Rebellion can fly any ship and do it instead. Why do you want to do it?! Why, Han? Why can't you just stay with me?"

Leia edged closer to him and Han quickly jumped off the bed, seeking shelter on the floor. Leia kneeled before him, remaining on the bed. Their gazes locked and Han was forced to see everything in Leia at that moment. Through her eyes. Those eyes, those eyes which he'd been dreaming about since they'd first met. Those eyes that Han had never been able to forget. He always loved to stare into them, wondering what he'd see, what colors, what dreams, what stories, what wonders. Now, though, when he looked into those deep, beautiful brown eyes, all he saw was pain. Pain and fear, those deep pools swam with them. It changed how the rest of Leia looked and she appeared so much smaller than she already was. Like a prisoner bound up by chains, Leia looked haunted. She looked like all the worlds that she'd let rest on her shoulders were finally weighing her down and pressure was becoming too unbearable. Han didn't like the sight. Leia was stronger than that. At least, the Leia _he_ knew was.

"Leia," he breathed her name, his hands planted firmly on the bed while he gained the courage to lean forward, their faces just a few mere centimeters apart. "What's wrong? I need you to talk to me. If you're hurting, I need you to talk to me and tell me what's wrong so I can help you. So . . . I'm going to ask you again . . . and I'm going to hope you'll help me and give me an answer. Leia. Leia, love, honey, sweetheart, Princess. Please tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's hurting you. Please."  
Leia remained still for a moment. Then, she swallowed and sat back. "I've been trying to tell you," she said, managing her composure. "And you don't seem to realize that I'm telling you. I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to leave me."

Expecting, and quite frankly hoping, Han waited. He didn't movmove, didn't speak. Just waited. He waited for a count of fifteen before his frustration mounted and he stepped back, blowing out a third sigh he hadn't even known he'd been holding. He hit the nightstand and nearly knocked over Leia's lamp. "Kriff, Leia! Kriff! Fierfek! All I ask is to know what's going on so I can help and you can't even-" he stopped himself. Leia's eyes had gone glassy and, as her throat constricted, Han realized she was battling tears. "I. Told. You," came her choked up reply. But the glare in her eyes told Han there was far more to it.

Han's gaze flicked to the patio and a thought was sparked in his head. Quickly, he took Leia's hand and dragged her out the window, bringing with him two ration bars. They sat down and Han handed her a ration. "See this?" he asked, his voice not daring to betray his excitement. "See where we're at? The patio outside your bedroom. Remember when I used to sneak up here and knock on the window? I'd sit here and wait for you, wait to see you and talk to you. This was always a safe place. The patio and your bedroom. We'd come here and we'd tell each other everything. You'd tell me what was bothering you, why you couldn't sleep. You'd sit here with me and tell me everything. You'd tell me every fine detail and you wouldn't leave anything out. So, tell me. Carry on the tradition and tell me, Leia. Tell me because I love you and I will do anything to make this better."

Leia stared back at him. "You mean that?"

Han beamed. "I do, Princess. I really do."

"Then, don't leave me. If you meant what you just said to me, you'll stay right by my side and never leave. You'll forget about even considering making the run to the Death Star and, fierfek, Han Solo! You will hold me and you will stay right there."

Han took her face in his hands and leaned forward so their noses touched. His thumbs worked like windshield wipers and wiped away Leia's tears. "Leia Organa Solo."

"Yes?"

"I have never wanted more to make a child with you than right now."

Leia fought a smile and Han laughed. He pulled her into his embrace she quickly melted there, her shape conforming to fit within his. "We're not starting on that now, too," she warned him.

"I know. We aren't going to start on that," he agreed. "I'm just saying."

Leia nooded her head against his chest and relaxed for a moment before deciding that he deserved a generous punch to the ribs. Han groaned, catching her fist in his just after the impact. "That hurt," he complained. Leia shook her head, finally content. "You deserved it," she informed him.

Han and Leia lay there a long moment before Han whispered into her hair, "I'll offer you a deal. You don't have to tell me right now. You can wait, but you have to tell me eventually. That being said . . . I won't go on the Death Star run if you don't want me to."

Leia quickly sat up in Han's arms, looking at him, looking to him for a confirmation. Han smiled softly at her, gently pulling her back into his arms to hold her close again and reassure her. "If you don't want me to leave to make the run, I won't. But that means you have to to tell me what's going on in here." He pushed a finger to Leia's temple.

"Eventually."

Han nodded. "Eventually is absolutely fine. Just preferably soon, please."

Leia didn't respond to that. Han would let her have her time, but he just hoped this would help things for now. Han couldn't stand the unease and discomfort that had been lingering between him and Leia since they'd started fighting about the whole baby thing and, to him, at least, the air already felt less suffocating and more clear. He breathed in its freshness, closing his eyes to relax.

"Han?"

"Yeah, Princess?"

"Why do we keep lying on the floor? The bed's a lot more comfortable."

Han's voice rumbled with a deep chuckle. His hand began to thread through her hair, running from the scalp to the ends lying lazily over her chest. "Should I carry you back to bed so we can lie down together?"

Leia smiled, giving a silent nod. Han scooped her up into his arms and carried her bridal style back to bed. He pulled the sheets over them and nestled back close to his wife. "Han," he heard her soft voice squeak.

"What is it?"

"I really love you, Han."

* * *

Luke was starting to wish that they'd stop putting him in these situations already. Situation being? Luke found himself, once again, crammed into a small room with lots of people who had lots of power. _Wow, it really doesn't take much to_ _out-credit_ _me, does it,_ he thought with a stifled sigh. Still, he managed to keep his composure while he stood and waited for his sister and the Organas to finish welcoming their guests. This time, it wasn't only the other Houses visiting, but also Generals Rieekan and Dodonna who had come from the rebel base on Yavin IV to discuss plans to attack the Death Star. Even the rest of the members of High Command were listening via holos and Luke could hardly bear another glance towards the way of Ackbar and Mothma's glittering blue forms. Remembering Sabé's kind words from just the other day, Luke reminded himself of all the good things. So far, his own revelation and ideas were the main plan Bail was guiding this operation with. His plan was the basis of how they would take down the Death Star. He was proud of that and he had the right to be.

The generals and Houses sat down and Bail began their meeting, running over the more general points for a fresh overview before hitting the finer points of their plan.  
"Right, so we're back to the suicide mission part of this plan," Thieron suddenly cut in through Bail's speech, his mouth turned up in a falsified, hardly jolly grin.

"No need to worry, though," Elsie said, resting a hand on his arm. "I believe we had a volunteer." Her glance turned to Han and Luke swore he _saw_ Leia's stomach dive. "Correct, Captain Solo?"

"It's 'general', Princess," Han told her. "And I've thought this over since our last meeting. I'm afraid I'm not too fond of the role any longer. I have a wife I want to get back to." Luke watched him look to his sister and the look they shared; it was enough to melt durasteel. Their hands held together, Luke felt the peace that passed between them. He couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Excuse me, _General,_ but you offered to perform a very dangerous role that no one else is willing to do, but is vital to this planet! Might I add, _General,"_ Elsie spat with clear disgust. "You are technically a prince to Alderaan. What a dishonor it is!"

* * *

It took all of Han's self-control to hold back a laugh. Han understood the needs of Alderaan. He understood the position of power he had gained in marrying Leia. He also understood that the title meant little to him, especially in comparison to his love for his wife. His wife who was sitting at his side right now. He wasn't just doing this for her. Han was doing it for them. "Okay, that's one title you can drop off my name. Look, I understand how bad this sounds and I'm sorry, but . . . wouldn't you think it's just as much of a dishonor for Alderaanians _not_ to volunteer as it is for me to change my mind? For personal reasons that aren't any of your concern, I can't." His grip on Leia's hand tightened. To his joy, he felt her squeeze back.

Han could see a protest forming on Thieron's tongue, hanging off the very tip, mid-launch when Rieekan interjected with a stern yet warm objection. "With all due respect, Prince Thieron, General Solo's decision is nothing we can help. We'll just have to find someone else to do the job. Oh, well. Now, let's continue, shall we? Viceroy?"

"Ah, yes. Thank you General Rieekan. I think it wise we cover the plan before we go about recruiting teams and special operatives. Don't you think our generous heroes will want to know what they're doing before they sign up? Now, thanks to the outstanding efforts of Luke- er-" Bail's brow furrowed. He looked to Rieekan who just merely nodded. Bail cleared his throat before continuing. "Thanks to the outstanding efforts of Commander Skywalker-" A glass dropped. At the same moment, Han and Leia's arms shot up and they cheered aloud, clapping too. "We have a way of defeating the Empire's latest threat to our peace. If, Dodonna, you'll pull up the Death Star plans. Thank you. Through a string of different rebel cells, we have obtained plans to this superweapon. Now, I only did so much studying of this space station, but I think Skywalker here knows what he's doing."

The viceroy gave the kid a nod. Beaming, Luke nodded back and took over. Thank you, Viceroy Organa. As I discovered and pointed out in our last meeting, we will have to set off the weapon's main reactor. Also, as I earlier proposed, we'll have to have a squadron of X-Wings flying in with whoever is getting the job done. Where you might think we'll just have them play offense, I thought we could hide our hit man in that squadron and have them going as defense. Then, the rest of the fleet is just keeping the uglies busy and distracted, making sure the pathway is open for the guys going in. I'm not going to lie. I've never been in battle before, but I'll do what I can. I know we can do this. We have to. Alderaan's fate is depending on it."

* * *

The meeting ended after a couple long hours. After which, Luke hardly had the patience to wait for all the guests to leave so he could speak with Leia's father, the current crown prince of Alderaan. As soon as he got his chance and the royal guests had drained out of the conference room, he waved to Bail and the man quickly had him in a fierce embrace. "Luke!" Bail laughed. "What can I do for you, boy?"

"I was just hoping we could talk about a few things. First being . . . you called me 'Commander'-"

"Of course, Skywalker," Bail agreed as though Luke shouldn't be surprised. "General Rieekan and I were hoping you'd be willing to lead this mission. At Dodonna's side, of course. I pulled all the strings I could, but the rest of High Command required this. I can't yet formally decree you Commander, but, perhaps, your work during this mission will be deserving." He winked.

"Willing?! You have to be kidding, Viceroy! Of course, I'm willing. The thing is, I was just thinking now, about the mission-"

"Just say it, Luke. Or, shall I say, Commander. Commander Skywalker. It's better to spit it out."

"Right. Okay, well, I was thinking I'd make the run to set off the main reactor."

Bail didn't respond at first. When he finally did, he didn't sound too thrilled about the idea. His brow slightly furrowed and his lips twisted down, he asked the younger man, "And how do you think Leia will feel about that?"

Luke's imminent sigh was inevitable. He held his forehead in one hand, explaining with a nervous laugh. "That's kind of why I thought I'd tell you first. Leia's going to freak out if she hears that I want to make the run. But I need to."

"So," Bail gave him a thoughtful nod, considering Luke's proposition. "Going for an anonymous hero theme, are we? And what if you don't make it out the other end of that Death Star? What if Leia has to mourn you?"

"And what if Leia has to mourn Han? Let's just be honest. If Leia's mourning me, all she's mourning over is the loss of complicated awkward feelings between herself and some kid who made a better friend than brother. And if Leia has to mourn Han? If she has to grieve over her own husband, her own protector and comforter and lover. If she loses Han, she loses the rest of her life with him. She loses the possibility of having that family that everyone knows they both want. They both lose everything. If no one else is going to go, if everyone else has too much to live for, then let it be me that dies. You know this is better."

A long silence followed. Luke had seen that coming. He'd planned this conversation in his head last night, spending hours practicing comebacks for whatever Bail would have to say. He even knew what the viceroy was going to say next. "Your life isn't expendable, Luke. You're worth so much more to everyone here than that. Even the Houses! They don't know what you can do. Leia values you higher than that. Can't be a brother to her? Fine! She needs a friend." Okay, maybe he hadn't predicted that. "If you die on her, she'll mourn just as hard, grieving over the loss of a caring and compassionate friend who sacrificed his life for hers, her husband's, and a whole planet. If you're going to go, then go, but at least plan on coming back. Please."

Luke looked away. "Is that all?"

Bail nodded. "What is all I have to say. If you've made up your mind, I'm sure Rieekan and Dodonna will be happy to talk with you and go over the details. Goodbye, Commander."

* * *

Leia hadn't felt so relieved in a long time and her happiness showed. She wouldn't leave Han's side and their hands were always in each other's. "We're okay again," she softly joked to her husband as they left the palace grounds to take a walk.

"No," Han insisted, starting them down the street. "We're always going to be okay."

"Have any idea where we're going, flyboy?" Han looked down to her and smiled. "Yeah, I do," he promised. He took her around a corner that started leading away from the busy part of the capital. "I may know a place. Trust me, Princess. You'll like it. No, you'll love it."

They made a stop at The Heart of Aldera, the bakery Han used to often visit so he could surprise Leia with picnics outside her window. They bought a basket of mixed goods, muffins, breads, cupcakes and even a bottle of wine to wash it down. Then, Han hailed a speeder and, flashing a smile to his wife, told the driver, "Peace Park, please." Leia smiled back.

The speeder brought them to the main "entrance" on the north side of the park. The weather so beautiful, the sun out and full, shining fiercely with the perfectly light breeze blowing across the way, the park was busy and swarming with visitors, tourists and natives alike. "Maybe we should go to a smaller park," Leia suggested, peering around the crowded benches.

"Hey, we know a special spot, remember?" Before Leia's mind could realize what Han was talking about, her husband was running with her, dashing through the crowd and beelining for some unknown destination. Leia had to laugh as he led her, weaving in and out of the visitors and bringing her to where bushes marked the perimeter. Or so one might think. Just behind the bushes lay a trail of light blue and orange flowers and, beyond that, a tunnel, a wall covered in flourishing red and white flowers, their green vines sown together around the tunnel wall. Han was right. They both knew a place, a quieter, more secluded place where they could have some quiet time together. Leia walked hand in hand with Han through the tunnel arbor until they came out the other side in a smaller clearing. And there was the miniature waterfall.  
Han set down their basket and Leia lied down beside the waterfall, close enough that her fingertips could reach the pool. "You know I love it here," she said simply.

"You know we got married here," Han added, lying down beside her.

Leia's smile turned bewitching as she flipped onto her side to look at Han. Han did the same so that their noses now touched. Her eyes sparkled, igniting Han's passion to a flame. "I know," she said. "You looked so handsome in your Corellian uniform."

"And you were so beautiful." Han's lips danced across Leia's, spreading the fire to her. Next, their arms joined the dance, Leia's weaving their way into Han's hair, Han's gathering her up to hold her closer. She was in his lap, completely absorbed in it all, her heart racing with the excitement, her mind caught in the ecstasy. Han fell back, causing them both to be lying on the ground again. Modesty hit Leia in a rush and she slowly, gently, pulled back. "Not now," she told him, shaking her head. Han dropped his head to rest against her chest. Leia told him again, pushing him back. "Han, not now. We're still outside."

"Fierfek, Leia!" Han muttered, lazily opening his eyes. "Then why did you even let me-"

Leia had snatched a muffin from the basket and rushed it to Han's lips, hushing him. He groaned, but opened his mouth and took a bite. He took the pastry from her and ripped off a piece to feed to Leia. His fingers brushed her lips and flicked it in. "Stop turning me on!" Leia swiftly landed a punch to Han's ribs and he fell against her, howling. "Drop another comment like that and you'll find yourself sleeping alone tonight," she made clear. "On the couch-"

"Let me guess. Downstairs?" Leia answered with a beaming smile. "Alright. No more, I promise."

"Good." Leia fed him another bite. "Now tell me something. You were looking around this clearing with a funny look in your eyes. What were you thinking?"

The smile seemed to almost entirely fade from Han's eyes, buy it remained, his spirits still soaring. "If I tell you, can we please both think of a child as something that we might one day have instead of as something we are currently fighting over?"

"Of course," came her soft-spoken reply.

"I was thinking about having a little kid to take here, share this special place with them, too. Teach them to walk in the bright green grass." Han suddenly stopped, his hands frozen where they sat on Leia's cheeks. "Now tell me what you're thinking. You have that look in your eye."

"I'm just trying to decide what you mean by 'they'. Like . . . 'they' as in a general pronoun rather than specify boy or girl or 'they' . . . as in . . . more than one child."

"Its plural form being children." Han laid a hand over Leia's abdomen. " _One day,"_ he stressed the seemingly simple words. "I want to have kids with you."

Leia's lashes fluttered as she held his gaze, their lips now lingering. Lying her hand over his, over her abdomen, Leia agreed. "One day, I do, too."


	10. Chapter 10

**AN** : Why have you all gone so quiet?! Please leave a review! I know I was gone a long time, but I'm back! Please don't stay so silent!

In hopes of picking up the pace again and maybe, I don't know, getting some more reviews, I've decided that Saturday will be my official update day. I'll try to keep that constant from now on, starting with this update.

Seriously, though. Please don't read without reviewing. I miss getting some feedback. Now would be a great time to start, especially since this is one of my favorite chapters!

As always, please enjoy this chapter.

P.S. thanks to Mako-clb and jeanmarie3 for all the encouraging and valuable feedback!

* * *

Leia wasn't sure what it was or where it was coming from, only that it was beckoning her to come, calling for her. She tried ignoring its calls, focusing on helping her mother with dinner. Breha had her busy chopping the vegetables for the dinner's entrée. Taking a yellow-orange, squarish vegetable in hand, Leia used her fingers to peel off the crinkly layers and tossed them down the nearest trash can. With her knife, she brought the tool down and julienned the whole thing. Her eyes started to burn with tears. Leia turned her face into her shoulder and tried wiping her eyes, but her tears persisted. Breha noticed the wet paths that came flowing down from her daughter's eyes and she laughed, wiping her hands on her apron before taking the knife and vegetable from her. "You've never had a problem before with the koshies," she laughed again. "I thought you were the one they couldn't get to." Leia didn't respond. She was still crying when Breha finally pointed out the door and told her, "Alright, honey. Go get some fresh air."

Leia left, but, instead of the door, she hurried up another staircase to the next floor.

Racing back to her room, the beckoning became stronger and Leia's heart lurched with need. Need? Even she didn't understand. Need for what?

She washed her hands, only partially convinced her tears were to blame on the vegetable. The tap turned off and with a towel in her hands, Leia slumped toward the sink, her heart pounding and racing in her chest. It soon became too overwhelming and she stumbled out of the 'fresher in search of whatever was calling to her. Her feet carried her while Leia still wondered where she was going. She came to a sudden stop at her bedside. Unexpectedly, she dropped to her knees and pulled one of her travel bags from under the bed. From it, she pulled out a small, soft, white item and found herself making way for the refresher once again. Leia stopped before the mirror and held the item up in front of herself. It was the onesie.

* * *

Leia had been gone for several minutes when Breha became worried. She didn't think it was the koshy's fault anymore. "Memily," she called to the Organa servant. "If you don't mind watching this," she pointed to the pot before her and only waited long enough to catch the servant's nod before rushing off.

Breha didn't know what was going on, but Leia had been through a storm of emotions since returning to Alderaan, acting on edge and rather touchy since returning home. The mother figured it was the fault of the whole mix of things, but Leia's agitation and distress seemed to be growing. And what was she to do? Breha felt utterly helpless watching her daughter get dragged down a pool of quicksand. She could hear her cries for help and see her struggle, but Breha couldn't find the stick to help pull her out.

Leia was the only child Breha had and, by the great maker, she would do anything she could for that girl. Well, Breha supposed she wasn't really a girl anymore. No, Leia was a woman, out in the world for herself, but who was going to stop Breha from being there for her daughter? She _dared_ anyone.

* * *

Her hands shook as her eyes and brain worked together to register what it was she was holding. Her breaths came shallow and she collapsed on the floor, her grip hardly strong enough to continue holding the baby clothing item yet she kept it clung to her chest as though her life depended on it. What was wrong with her? Han had pulled out the onesie plenty of times since they'd bought it. They'd talked about it often. So, why was it suddenly affecting her like this? What about it had her itching so badly? Of course, her and Han had just been discussing children the other day. To her relief, it had been more of a declaration than anything else. Of course Leia wanted to have kids. It wasn't like she'd said she wanted them _soon_. So, why was this simple little item bothering her to no end?

 _Need._

The word pulled at her again. It seized her heart and squeezed it, trying to make its desires clear. It squeezed and squeezed and squeezed until something clicked and Leia gave a little gasp. Immediately, she pushed her feet against the door, pushing herself from the mirror that hung there. She could hardly believe it, but Leia understood now. There she was, staring at her reflection in the mirror, wondering how she could let herself slip to the other side so easily. She'd sworn she wouldn't budge, she wouldn't fall. She'd sworn she would remain strong because it would be worth it in the end, but here she was and she couldn't say those words anymore.

 _Need._

What a strong word. Teachers always taught that everyone in the galaxy only needed three things: food, water and shelter. Now, sitting here, forced to face herself, Leia didn't believe that anymore. The line between want and need blurred and Leia swore now that it was with _need_ that her heart pounded and her chest ached and the black hole was growing bigger, ready to swallow her whole.

Slowly inhaling a huge, long breath, Leia calmed herself, starting a list. _I need food. I need water. I need shelter. I need love. I need_ _Alderaan. I need Mama and Daddy. I need Han. . . ._ Tears choked her, but Leia fought them aside, opening her eyes once more to go to war with herself. The onesie still clutched tight in her grasp, Leia rose on shaky legs and held it close. " _I need a baby._ "

It was becoming too much and that simple word now had control over Leia. She held the onesie over her stomach and frowned when she saw that the onesie was longer. "Wha-?" Then, a thought occurred to her and she sucked in a big breath, filling her belly with air. She huffed a sigh at the result. "I'm too skinny," she cursed herself, turning to examine herself with a side-view. She dipper her back in, puffed out her belly and tried guessing how big she might get carrying a child in there. She held her hand out in front of her and laughed a short, choked-off laugh at the image. "I'll look huge!" she marveled, expressing this concern in a whisper yell. She grimaced at the thought of how covered her belly would be with lines and zigzags of stretch marks. Her gaze wandered to the small closet in the refresher where towels were stored and Leia was surprised by her own childishness she laughed.

Residing herself to following through with her whole childish daydream, Leia sat down again, imagining herself stroking a large baby bump lovingly, one hand slipping behind herself to support her back just like Aryn had been. Leia wondered what it was like to feel a baby moving inside its mother's womb. The mere thought amazed Leia, left her in awe. To have a whole new life _inside of you . . ._ A near delirious smile graced her lips as the images hit her like a flood. She tried imagining what it felt like to have tiny feet kicking against her belly, what it sounded like when the doctor let you listen to the heartbeat. Leia imagined holding that baby after it was born, a little person with small everything, but would own the biggest part of her. Leia could almost feel these feelings. Not quite, for even she understood she would never know those feelings, that love, that joy, until she really, actually was with child.

Now, she knew how Han felt, why he yearned so for a child. She understood that yearning, that _need._ That word struck her mind again and Leia folded over, still holding the onesie close. _Need._ She wanted a baby so bad, she _needed it._ A girl, a boy, Leia hardly cared. Just as long as it was hers and Han's and she got to carry it.  
No. No, no. No, no, no! What was she thinking?! She couldn't do this to herself, set herself up for disappointment. No, she'd been right before. The idea, the whole thing, even _considering_ having a baby . . . _now?_ What on Coruscant was she thinking? No, the Rebellion needed her at her strongest. She had a war to fight. Now wasn't the time to get pregnant and raise a child. In the middle of war, while the battles raged on and the Imperials still had control? No, this had to be the worst time to even consider starting a family. What was Han _thinking?!_

The onesie's plain material was soft under her fingertips and even that soft touch was starting to feel suffocating. She reminded herself of Han's body lying dead in her arms, the rush of chaos and desperation and defeat clogging the atmosphere. This wasn't the time nor place to even _think_ about having a baby. No, she didn't need a baby, she firmly reminded herself, wiping her tears away on the onesie. She merely wanted a baby because no one _needs_ a baby. And still, Leia knew something in her thinking was wrong. She shook the thought aside and fought to compose herself. This wasn't herself. She needed to chill out, get a grip, and move on. This wasn't Han's victory. She wasn't about to let him get to her and make a rash decision because of it. She needed to keep a clear head, stay level and remain focused on the war. Then, when she'd fought all the battles and finally won, when peace finally found a way in and the Empire was left in ruins, when everyone had recovered and there were no more things to fix, then she would surrender to herself, to Han, and let this dream live. Literally. But, as she must always remember, now wasn't the time.  
"Leia?" she suddenly heard a voice call. She didn't want to get up, though. "Leia." Was that Mama? "Leia, honey, is everything alright?" What was wrong with herself? "Leia, are you okay? It's me, it's Mommy." How long had it been since she'd called her mother 'mommy'? What would her child call her? Mother? Mom? Mama? Mommy? To be honest, Leia favored 'mommy'. _And what will I call you? Baby, love, sweetheart, kiddo, darling, sweet pea, honey, little one, Mommy's little baby, Mommy's miracle, Mommy's angel?_

 _"Leia!"_ Her mother's voice sounded frightened as she burst in, running over to find her sitting in the refresher with the lights off. Leia looked up to her, her body feeling almost numb in a sense. Mama relaxed somewhat when she found her there, probably glad Leia wasn't dead or lying in a pool of blood. Her shoulders drooped, but her facial expression still screamed with worry. "Oh, honey, you're so pale. Your lips are white! Come on." She knelt down and started helping Leia up. "Let's get you in here." She helped her to the bed and pulled the covers and sheets over Leia's body, up to her chin. She tucked her in like she always used to when she was so much younger. _I'll tuck you in like this if you want me to. And I'll give you a kiss every night, but you don't have a choice when it comes to that one_. "There we go. Now, close your eyes."

"What about dinner?" Leia asked, flipping on to her side to look at her mother. Breha smiled and shook her head. "It's fine, sweetie. I have Memily and Sabé to help me. We're fine. I'll have Han bring you a plate later. If you can eat. You," she pointed her finger at Leia like a parent trying to be stern. "Worry about you. I was scared you were throwing up again. I'll leave you a pale before I go. Now close your eyes. Relax." She paused and Leia knew what was coming. _I'll sing this to you every night,_ she thought. _Because it's one of my greatest memories from growing up. My mama sang this lullaby to me_ every night _until I was "too old". She would rock me in her arms when I was a baby and she'd lie down with me and sing to me when I was a little girl. She sang it to me for years and I will sing it to you for years._ And then Leia listened to Breha croon that familiar lullaby.

 _The stars are in awe of you tonight_  
 _For you're my shining star_  
 _There is no greater pleasure_  
 _Than to have you in my arms_  
 _The sky rejoices_  
 _As it watches from afar_  
 _I bet you'll never believe_  
 _Just how precious you are_  
 _To me_

 _Hush, my dear_  
 _And go to sleep_  
 _Shut your eyes_  
 _And don't you weep_  
 _Lis'n_ _to me_  
 _'Cause this song will make you sleep_  
 _And I'll still be here,_  
 _Treasuring you_

 _I loved your first_  
 _Before you even were_  
 _Daddy knows_  
 _I still know when you stir_  
 _Your little hands, your little feet_  
 _That moment when our eyes meet_  
 _It's all these things_  
 _All it brings,_  
 _Oh, it fills my heart, overflowing_

 _Hush, my dear_  
 _And go to sleep_  
 _Shut your eyes_  
 _And don't you weep_  
 _Lis'n to me_  
 _'Cause this song will make you sleep_  
 _And I'll still be here,_  
 _Treasuring you_

How could her mother know what those words would do to her, what they meant to her? How was Breha to know that, with every word of the lullaby she sang, an empty hole in Leia nearly doubled in size? Leia tried to hold in her tears, but they escaped, all of them, and Breha rubbed her back for a minute before she dropped a soft kiss on Leia's temple. "I love you, Lelila," she whispered gently in her ear. "Now, get some rest." Then, she was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N**. I don't really like writing battle scenes. Especially after last chapter. I know these next two chapters are awful, but I need you to trust me. . . . Enjoy.

* * *

In the last week, Targeter had become something of a legend around the Rebellion base as well as Alderaan. Few knew Targeter's true identity, but what everyone did know was that he was the one who had heroically volunteered to destroy the Death Star. What all but Rieekan, Madine, Ackbar, and Mothma _didn't_ know was that Targeter was also Luke Skywalker. The public had built themselves an image of a handsome, ripped lad who had muscles to spare, a sharp yet dreamy gaze, and, as many of the female pilots liked to fancy, blonde hair that he frequently had to get out of his face with a slow whip of his head. Han would always tease Luke whenever Targeter came up. There was a particular pilot girl who had a mad crush on Targeter and her very own concept art had been found under her mattress. To her embarrassment, the pictures had gone viral, finding themselves posted _everywhere_ and Han would always jab that now Luke had competition. Luke would always just smile and allow himself a moment to admire the young pilot's work.

Many of the Rebellion's female members who had been taken with the latest craze over Targeter had decided that they needed to find out who he was. One by one, they'd sought out likely candidates, posing alluringly as they asked if they were Targeter. "I bet it's Antilles," a Caridan woman had claimed one day. She stood posted outside Antilles's hotel room, watching him file out with the rest of his squadron. Bringing up the rear, Luke watched on, completely unnoticed.

"Like Mustafar it's Antilles!" Mirax, a good friend of Wedge's, laughed.

The Caridan woman, red-haired and blue-eyed, started after the Corellian of question, purposefully making a show with her long, toned legs as she strutted his way. "Antilles, tell them," she insisted, tapping his shoulder to grab his attention. "You are Targeter, aren't you? Of course you are. How could you not? You're the greatest pilot in the Rebellion! Now, tell them, Antilles."

"Ha!" Wedge laughed shortly, cautiously stepping away from the woman. "To be honest, Carsa, I'm not and I have no idea who is. I promise I'll tell you if I find out, though."

Carsa had turned red as the Rebel Alliance seal on Wedge's helmet. Still watching from across the hall, a few of Wedge's friends Mirax and Iella couldn't even stifle their guffaws. Luke felt kind of bad for Carsa. Others had questioned Darklighter, Hobbie, even Janson. The only one to have even suggested Luke had been Han and that had been more a joke than anything.

Rogue Squadron had been having their own fun with it. Five hours into the craze, Janson had posted a contest for most obsessed and Likely Potential Future Lover of Targeter. The young, love-ensnared pilot Takessa had remained at the top of the leader board ever since her third drawing had leaked. Ripped with a thick and tight six pack, she'd drawn Targeter as a hot and sweaty hero returning to base after a long battle, a mini Death Star crushed in his right hand.

It was quite the pressure for Luke, having already established a reputation before even completing the act. He now had a legend to live up to. He'd been prepping for the battle nonstop, going over every fine detail with High Command until he knew the plan as well as the back of his hand. Rieekan had passed Luke's X-Wing along to Antilles to prep with all the best modifications they could, never letting slip that Targeter was the newbie of his squadron. Antilles had been considering it an honor and practically blew up when, overnight, Wes Janson and Derek "Hobbie" Klivian had decorated the craft's wings to look like some of Takessa's most famous portrayals of the hero. Upon seeing the sight, Bail had winced. "We need to clean that up," was all he said before going straight to Memily for the proper supplies.

The rush hadn't died by the time the day came. In fact, it seemed to have grown in the last few hours. It was as though everyone was desperate for some hope or something of a distraction. And Targeter made the perfect distraction. That day, on the third of the Tatooine month, while everyone was talking loudly, wondering who would be destroying the Death Star and saving Alderaan that afternoon, Targeter was prepped for flight just like every other pilot. Leia caught him before he left, catching him in a desperate hug before wishing him luck and leaving for her own post in High Command's makeshift control room. He waved goodbye and clambered into his X-Wing, checking in just like everyone else and taking off in formation with the rest of his squadron. He waited for Wedge to finish role call and practiced meditating, trying to calm his racing nerves.

"Alright, Skywalker," Antilles's voice said through the comm system. "Ready for your first dog fight?"

Luke laughed nervously for him, being sure to keep his panic attack internal. "I sure hope so," he said, running one last check over his systems. As his hands moved across the board, they shook with fear and anxiety. _Holy_ _tauntaun, what did I sign up for?! What was I thinking?!_

"Alright, listen up, Red Squadron!" came Luke's squadron leader. "This is the real deal. I need you all at your best, ready, aware, alert. Today isn't the day to go ignoring and blowing off orders, either. Listen, pay attention, work hard out there. Questions?"

 _Yeah, what am I doing?_

"Alright, boys. _It's_ _show time_."

* * *

"All squadrons checked in?" Bail asked, hurrying around the round table to join Mothma and Leia there. His daughter nodded, reading off the list as she watched over the display playing on the table of the Alliance's whole fleet. "Red, Gold, Green, and Orange are all checked in. Waiting for your command, General," she reported, now speaking to Madine through her comm headset.

"Thank you, Princess. Fleet ready on my command. Gold, Green, and Orange squadrons, prepare to approach enemy station at point 0-5-7 marked at starboard. Begin slow approach now."

Leia sat in her seat beside Han, her shoulders hunched in tension, but her right hand was threaded through his. He squeezed hers and when her gaze turned up to his, he offered her a smile. "It's going to be okay. They've got this." Leia nodded, trying to remain assured. Maybe it was just that Luke was flying in as protection for Targeter that worried Leia. His whole squadron would be going in, but she couldn't help worrying. Or, was it just the mission in general that had Leia wound up so tight, her body twitching with nervousness? She really hadn't been worried about the mission until a couple nights ago when the mood in High Command had suddenly turned serious and Leia realized this was really happening. Since she was young, Leia had been known to make herself physically sick with worry and it hadn't taken long into the mood switch for her stomach to pick up on the change. She'd thrown up again and barely managed to convince Han, Bail, and Rieekan that she was fine and well enough to stay and help. Still, Leia's body seemed to be overcome with the stress and she wished she'd gotten more sleep the night before as she found herself stifling a yawn while overseeing the fleet's progression towards the Death Star. "Everything's going to be okay," Han promised her again. She took comfort in his touch as he brought his hands up to her shoulders, massaging away the tension there. She managed a light smile and sat back, reaching one hand back to touch his arm. "Thank you."

"Don't worry. I got you, sweetheart," he said, working his hands down her back.

"Mmm. That feels really good. Go lower."

Han chuckled, but obeyed, his hands rolling down to her lower back. "Right there?"

"Perfect."

"Red Squadron," Madine's voice continued to drone. "Remain at the ready. On my command."

Leia leaned over the schematics again. The Death Star was now in view and Leia didn't doubt their own captains had realized that their enemy was near and were rushing about, yelling orders, and preparing their stations. _Darn,_ Leia allowed herself a small smile. _If only you were prepared like we are._

"Sir! The Death Star is on our boards."

"Red Squadron, begin approach. Targeter . . . stay safe."  
Leia took Han's hand and he squeezed. "It's going to be just fine."

* * *

"Red Squadron, begin approach," General Madine ordered in his monotone voice. Luke nodded, trying to push out all his doubts, fears, and negative energy. He reached for the Force for strength and tried to stay upbeat. He had to have faith in himself if he expected to do this. "Targeter . . . stay safe," he heard General Madine say to the whole fleet, but with a touch of worry that was reserved for him.

"Well, Reds. There's our command. Set course for the Death Star's equator and I'll meet you there. On my count, we're off. Three, two, one, _mark!"_

Luke shoved his throttle forward, launching himself the Death Star's way. Using his free hand, Luke wiped sweat from his forehead and took a deep breath. _You've got this, you've got this,_ he repeated inanely to himself like a prayer. Maybe it was a prayer, buy for what? His own safety? Alderaan's? Just for the mission to go as planned? Or was it for his mere sanity? Whatever it was, Luke prayed an extra prayer that his first one was working. He fought to keep his hands steady as he continued forward, nearing the indented perimeter of the Death Star- when, suddenly, Luke's field of vision was clouded by a swarm of TIE fighters. Luke gave a gasp, took another deep breath. _Here it is. This is the_ _real_ _thing._ He loaded his laser canon and aimed for an unfriendly that was diving by its nose for him. Luke pressed down hard on his trigger and sent a long string of laser fire the TIE's way. It erupted into oblivion and Luke moved on to his next target. The TIEs were all over him and he was glad when he saw an X-Wing sweeping in, successfully knocking a few TIEs off his tail.

"There. How's that for you?" Darklighter asked.

"Great, thanks, Biggs!"

Quickly though, more TIEs swooped in to replace the ones they'd just destroyed and Luke narrowly dodged a shot that had been flying for his tail. He brought his craft bouncing back up and squeezed between two more as they came diving for Luke. As he glided past, the unfortunate TIEs collided with each other and erupted into flames before dying away. Through his headset, Janson cheered him for his success. "Woohooo! Would you look at that? You got 'em, Skywalker!" Another unfriendly exploded beside him and Luke finally could relax. He'd found himself. He was in his element and the Death Star was his to take.

Luke punched his throttle again and sent himself launching through the thick mess, reaching for the space station. He pushed his X-Wing to its limits, hurtling through space at full speed while the enemy TIE fighters jumped on top of him, clouding his field and blocking his path. He was getting too close, they must have realized. Luke was getting too close to their weakness and that was a problem. They dove for him, surrounding him, ready to kill. They were everywhere. And Targeter didn't stand a chance.

* * *

Wedge Antilles was watching all this through his small viewport, wondering two things. What on Coruscant did Luke think he was doing way out there and so close already and how was Wedge going to save the kid?

He zeroed in on Luke's comm frequency and asked, "Luke, do you see any way out of there, any gaps?"

"I'm completely surrounded!" His voice came back urgent. "I need to keep going, Wedge!"

Wedge swore, still dodging his own chasers while trying futilely to reach Luke. Honestly, what was he doing out there? So close to the Death Star, did he think he was going to be some awesome hero and- . . . hero. _Hero._

As fast as he could, Wedge punched back to the general frequency and yelled an order to his squadron. "Janson, Hobbie, Bold, Darklighter! Get to Skywalker _**now**_! I don't care what you lose, just cover him! Help him get out!"

* * *

Leia's heart gave a lurch as she watched a swarm of unfriendlies suddenly crowd Luke. What had he been thinking, jumping ahead of his squadron like that? She shook her head and tried to stifle her panic. Over the comm, Antilles soon was frantically yelling orders to his squadron, his panic mounting with everyone else's. However, Leia couldn't ignore a twinge of confusion that plagued her as she still questioned her brother's tactics and, then, Antilles was all over Luke, having his whole squadron race out to save him. As glad as it made her, Leia knew that, especially in the middle of battle, Antilles shouldn't be favoring a pilot or risking all to keep him safe. She thought Antilles was professional enough to refrain from such instinct, but Antilles was now racing in for himself.

"General," another person from across the table shouted. "Antilles is defying ord-"

"Let him be," Viceroy Organa was quick to interject. "General, I suggest you drop Red squadron's orders. Antilles knows what he's doing." Madine nodded in agreement and Leia just about lost it her mind still working feverishly to figure out what was going on. She studied the display, noting her brother's position as closer to the Death Star than even the rest of his squadron.

Then, it clicked.

" _No!"_ she screamed, her hands twisting themselves into her hair. In sympathy with her sudden panic, Han's hands quickly moved to her hips and he sat closer to her, studying the display over her shoulder. "What's going on?" Leia's breath caught. Tears ran down her face as she managed an answer. "Luke is Targeter."

* * *

"Get out of there!" a hundred voices screamed through his headset. "Back up! Just get out of there! We can't lose you!" It was almost too much. Luke knew what he had to do. And with all of Red Squadron backing him up, he had all the help he needed. Luke took a steadying breath, asking Wedge, "Ready, Wedge?"  
He didn't miss the Corellian's own deep breath and it was at that moment that Luke took off his headset. "May the Force be with me," he said under his breath, kicking up his pace again as Janson and Darklighter managed to free up a small space. Luke zipped through it and raced for the Death Star's main reactor.

* * *

Leia was sure she was going to vomit again. She could feel it creeping up her throat when she quickly swallowed it down, her gaze intently watching the display board. She could hardly watch as her brother's X-Wing raced through the inside work of the Death Star. She could hardly watch, but she had to. The control room had gone silent and it was in the most anxious silence as they all waited for something to happen. Luke was far ahead of his enemies, everyone knew that the Death Star had met its end. It was the moment after that everyone was waiting for.

Would Targeter make it out the other side?

* * *

Chapter 12 is also posted


	12. Chapter 12

Luke found himself staring at black, empty space, surrounded by complete and utter silence. What happened, he wondered, that he was by himself, alone in space. Ahh. So this must be death, sitting in the last chair you sat in, swimming in silence, alone and lost to the world. The thought kind of freaked Luke out and he wondered if anything happened after this or if he was just free to roam the empty reaches of death now. He wondered who he'd meet.

It was while he considered that question that he thought he heard his comm board crackling with life. Curiously, Luke reached out a hand and his headset exploded with the joyous shouts and screams of everyone back at the temporary base on Alderaan as well as everyone else who had been flying with Luke.

"Yaahooo! That's the way to do it, kid!"

"You're alive. You're fine. You made it."

"That's definitely going down in history, Commander!"

So went all the voices in Luke's headset and he laughed out a breath of relief at the sound of everyone congratulating him. Had he really done it? Was this it? He'd really done it. This was really it. He allowed himself a moment of self-congratulatory and relief before once again taking hold of his controls, this time to rejoin his friends and celebrate. Though, he didn't let himself forget to prepare for a scolding, worse than any of Aunt Beru's, coming from his sister. He'd stand there, take it like a man, and then, when she was done, he'd hug her and remind her that everything was fine.

It didn't take him long to land back on Alderaan, though the ride was bumpy. As his X-Wing set down in Ducchi's Mechanics Shop, people hurried over and crowded around, but Luke quickly flagged a mechanic to point out a few of his craft's new injuries. He clambered out, carrying his helmet under his arm while he tried plowing through the crowd, standing on his toes in search of Leia and Han.

Cheers erupted around him, refusing to fade and Luke couldn't help the blush that lit up his face. The crowd fought to speak with him, calling for autographs, asking him how it felt when he destroyed the Death Star. "Honestly," he told one person. "It felt like death."

Soon, rushing to save him came Viceroy Organa, Antilles, and General Rieekan, clearing a path through the crowd to smuggle Luke out.

"Congratulations, Commander," Bail clapped him in the back and said. "You're a hero to the galaxy."

They took him back to the palace where the control room had been set up. It was there that Luke knew he'd have to face his sister. He felt her already. Relief battling anger, battling joy and exuberance and a million other emotions. She came running at him, tears streaking down her face, her prior worry evident. Luke ran for her, swept her into his arms and held her to let her know that he was okay, everything was okay and she needn't worry or stress. She'd been too stressed and worried lately. She didn't say anything for a while, just stayed caught in his embrace, crying into his shoulder. It was a long minute until Leia pushed herself back, holding Luke at arm's length while she ran a mother's inspection for injuries. "Why didn't you tell me?" she finally asked, her brow furrowed deeply.

Luke couldn't keep her gaze. He looked to his feet. "I didn't want you to freak out and worry so much. I saw how you flipped out when Han volunteered, but I knew I had to do this. You've been so stressed and . . . and a Kessel Run of emotions. I didn't want to give you more to worry about."

"And if you hadn't made it-"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Leia managed a smile, her arms crossing over her chest. "You sound like Han saying that. It's unnerving."

Luke chuckled before pulling her back into a tight hug. "We're okay?" he asked. Leia reached back an arm to pull Han in and nodded. "We're okay."

* * *

Of course, there was a huge party that followed. Alderaan's dance houses had never had such great business. Luke, Han, Leia, the rest of Red Squadron, and others had all gone to a particular dance house together where the music played loudly in celebration and many came over to personally thank Luke for his heroism. It was a certain rush, Luke thought, suddenly being such a hero in everyone's eyes. Everything was a lot to take in, but, heeding his brother in-law's advice, Luke enjoyed it, accepting a couple drinks, talking with those who came to thank him, and stealing a dance with a few girls. This was his big break, he figured. He was the hero, revered, girls were all over him. Maybe, his life was taking a huge turn now. No more third wheel issues, no more guilt, no more awkward brother-sister-family stuff to try and figure out. Tonight, everything felt natural. Everything felt good. Tonight, Luke was sure all was right in his life and things couldn't get better.

Luke was kindly refusing any more dances for a break when he looked just a little ways away where his sister was dancing with Han. The two were certainly a pair and Luke was relieved to see them both looking so at peace. They hadn't been able to find that peace lately. Caught in a slow dance, Han held Leia protectively in his arms and she just smiled at him. With the overwhelming joy they all seemed to be feeling, one might think it was the end. The end of what, you ask? The end of the story, of the war, of all things bad and all threats made to innocent people.

But this wasn't the end.

In fact, it was far from it.

* * *

 **AN** : Well, these last two chapters were definitely . . . underwhelming (not to mention poorly-written) considering Luke just blew up the Death Star. Certainly not the ending of _A_ _New_ _Hope_. I know, I know, but please. Just trust me. That's all I'm asking for. Just. Trust me.


	13. Chapter 13

It was official. Alderaan had sparked a rebellion. The effect seemed slow going, but reports were rolling in and it was just that many were hesitant to suddenly strike at the Empire who ruled over them with fear for so long. Although, the defeat of the Death Star did prove to lift a great many spirits as well as hope. And as few began to trust their instincts and part ways with the Emperor, more had gained the courage to follow suit. Reports had started coming from small places, small outpost planets like Carida and Bespin, but it was something. There had been one pretty big breakthrough rather quickly. A bacta shipping company on Thyferra had refused to deliver product to soldiers on Coruscant and they'd joined Alderaan in waging war. Nothing much had been said and even the holojournalists seemed too frightened to dare speak of the revolution that was sweeping the galaxy. The galaxy didn't need the holojournalists to tell them that something was going on. Like a chemical in the air, everyone just knew, had felt the sudden shift in things.

There were other changes taking place, too. Targeter was growing as a face to the Rebellion, a face that other planets could trust and were warming more people to joining the rebellion. Some of Takessa's artwork had been turned into recruiting posters, asking others to join Luke Skywalker in his fight. High Command was already discussing forming more defined squadrons and General Rieekan was pending the others for approval of Commanders Antilles and Skywalker starting their own squadron. Leia and Han were busy setting up backup and contingency plans for new bases, attacks, and even possible evacuations. They had a list of possible planets and resources they could use and the constant work was very tiring to Leia.

The members of High Command had already left Alderaan and were moving for their next base, expecting Luke, Han, Leia, and Chewie back soon. They were hoping to get some more rest in before they'd be flying to Barab I where they would also meet new allies: the barabels.

Leia was already packing her bags for the trip, working to get it done sooner than later. She'd folded up the onesie nicely and put it in one of her bags, right under her brush. She zipped the bag up and set it beside the rest near the door. Leia wasn't looking forward to leaving her home all over again, but she was excited to get back to training with Jedi Olin and Kenobi. Maybe some nice, long meditation would chase away her nightmares. And being back in the middle of the regular rebellion base buzz, Leia hoped it would keep her mind occupied just enough that the whole baby thing wouldn't bother her. She'd pack the onesie away in a drawer she'd never use and she wouldn't have to look at it again until it was time. And everything would be fine.

"Packing already?"

Leia turned at the sound of her mother's voice and smiled lightly. "Better sooner than later."

Breha shrugged, heaving a sigh. "I suppose. I guess I just don't like watching you leave." She wrapped her dark navy wrap tighter around her shoulders.

Leia's smile grew, grew sad, and she said no more before walking to the door to hug her mother. "You know I don't either," she said. "I love you and Daddy and I miss you both like crazy as soon as I leave."

Breha gently pushed Leia back to really look at her. She studied her daughter's beautiful face and told her, "It's something I can't get myself to understand. You're all grown up and you don't need me watching over you anymore."

"Well, I don't mind if you still do."

Breha just shrugged. "I keep looking around for a little girl, a tiny five-year-old girl. I'll call out her name. ' _Lelila_!', and then she'll come running down the staircase, her hair in these cute little pony tails, and she'll jump into my arms and I'll hold her close and . . ."

"And what, Mama?" Leia slipped her arms around Breha's waist and laid her head on her chest. With one hand, Breha stroked Leia's hair. "And tell her how much I love her. How much she matters to me. How glad I am that she came into my life so I could love her like my own-" Breha stopped herself mid-sentence, her brow furrowing while the rest of her face twisted with it to express deep concern. She brought a hand up to brush a curl of dark hair out of Leia's eyes. ". . . but I can't seem to find that little girl." Nodding toward the bed, she pulled her over to sit down and talk. "Leia, you've been acting so . . . so . . . so _different_ since you, Han, Luke, and Chewie got here. Something's wrong; I just know it. Now, I don't know what it is that's bothering you, but I know that this isn't you. Lelila, if something's wrong, you know you can always talk to me, honey."

Leia frowned. "Of course, Mama, but I'm fine. If I had anything to tell you, I would. Mom, I'm just fine. You don't need to worry."

"No. Something's wrong."

"And what makes you think that?"

"I don't know. You just seem so tired, weary, beat. You're not acting like your bright, usual self. You seem so down and deflated. Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes! Mama," Leia quickly went to assuring her. "I'm fine! I feel fine! I feel great! You don't need to worry about me."

Breha didn't appear satisfied, but she nodded anyway, carefully studying her daughter as though she was sure that, if she looked hard enough, she'd be able to find the problem and help Leia untangle the mess. After another moment, Breha took the dark curl of hair between her fingers again and smiled softly. "You know, you have your mother's hair. . . . What did I ever do to deserve you? I love you, Lelila. If you need to talk . . . I'm always here. I'm going out to pick up a few groceries. Comm me if you need anything."

Just as she left, Han came in and joined her in packing their bags. "Everything alright?" he asked.

"The next person who asks me that . . .!" Leia growled and she hurried out the room.

* * *

"It binds us all together. It surrounds us," Olin went on in leading Luke through his meditation. Maybe Luke wasn't a Jedi Knight quite yet, but Ferus and Obi-Wan's stress was blaring strong enough in the Force that Luke had picked up on it quickly. How could he be expected to focus on his meditation if how own Masters couldn't? Finally, Olin stopped his casually disguised pacing and huffed a sigh, asking Luke while his face bent with worry, "Where's Leia? Where did she go?" His voice sounded almost urgent in a way.

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. I think she said she was going to go visit a friend, but she didn't say anything more than that. Why?"

Master Kenobi was now walking around the room, his eyes closed, his expression fearful. "There is a great disturbance in the Force," he said simply.

"Much devastation," Olin agreed, his own expression growing troubled. "But, for now, just a bad feeling, an omen we should pay attention to."

Growing alarmed, Luke jumped to his feet to join the tense, worry party. "Well, what do you think is going to happen? What could be wrong? We just destroyed the Death Star!"

"And there is your mistake, young Skywalker," Olin frowned at him. "The Death Star was merely a product of the Empire's evil. True evil never rests. The source of our problems is still very much alive." His gaze flicked to the window. "And it is angry."

* * *

What Leia needed was to talk to someone who wasn't around her all the time and constantly worried for her. What Leia needed was to talk to a friend who would listen and give her advice. Despite the horrible reminder of part of her pain she would be provided with, Leia decided she needed to talk to Aryn.

When Leia approached the door to the Thul home and knocked, a servant answered to let her in. "Good afternoon, Princess Leia," she smiled warmly in greeting. "Prince Bornan has been strict on Princess Aryn's physical activity and asked she remain sitting while he's gone. I assured him I'd answer the door for her. Now, come in."

Leia shared the servant's smirk and nodded her thanks. She stepped inside and asked the small, round lady, "Where is the princess resting that I may see her?"

"She is in her bed chambers."

"Thank you." Leia ascended the staircase from the ground floor to the second and went just down the hall to where Aryn and Bornan's room was. The door was left slightly ajar, but Leia still gave the wood a light rap with her knuckles. "Aryn?" Leia called out softly, announcing her presence as was only modest. "It's Leia. I thought I'd just stop by to visit. I need someone to talk to." She stood there and waited, but no response came. Leia knocked again. "Aryn?" Still no response. Slowly, Leia pushed the door open wider and peered inside, but she didn't see Aryn resting in her bed or even in the rocking chair that was positioned in the corner of the room, the wall across from the bed. Leia entered, peering by the closet and the dresser, but Aryn wasn't in the room. Leia sat herself down on the edge of the rocking chair and surveyed how the room had changed to accommodate a newborn baby boy. Parallel with Aryn and Bornan's bed sat a crib covered in purple and gold blankets, the colors of House Thul. In the crib was an assortment of different little stuffed animals and pillows. Even the room's walls bore signs of the exciting event soon to change the Thul family. Proudly hung up on the wall above the bed was a professional portrait of the parents-to-be, both lovingly caressing Aryn's belly. Leia quickly looked away. On the nightstand by the other side of the bed was a smaller picture, an ultrasound picture of Bornan and Aryn's baby boy. Leia couldn't help it as her growing maternal side reached for the picture to curiously study it. Such a wonder, it was. Leia didn't want to put it down. But she did and a second later, Aryn came in.

Leia's eyes went first to her midsection which even looked bigger than it had last time Leia had visited. Aryn stood with her back dipped in, her belly protruding far in front of her, and one hand on her back while the other stayed on her belly. The image hurt and Leia flicked her gaze up only to notice in depth on Aryn what Leia had heard called the "pregnant glow". Leia almost winced visibly. Aryn was smiling and so Leia smiled back, rising to her feet to catch her in a hug. "Leia!" the other woman squealed. "It's so great to see you again before you leave. I mean, you are leaving, aren't you? I only heard from Frenéa, but-"

Leia nodded. "We're leaving tomorrow."

"Well, then. It's wonderful seeing you before you go. Sorry for the wait." She put both hands to her belly as she awkwardly sat down on her bed. "It's this little one. If have to excuse myself for the refresher constantly!" She laughed and Leia smiled and nodded. "Now, what brings you here?"

"I was just looking for someone to talk to. I hate to bother you now, but . . ."

"I told you that you can always talk to me. Go ahead."

Leia gave a small sigh and her gaze dropped to her lap as she began to speak. "Honestly, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to explain this to you. I hardly even know what's going on. Everyone is claiming to pick up on there being something wrong with me. None of them can say what it is; they don't know, but Mama and Han and Luke . . . they all keep asking me what's wrong . . . and I don't know what to tell them. Sometimes, I know what's wrong and other times I don't. Right now, I don't. Right now, I don't know what's wrong. Right now, I'm just pretty sure that something is wrong. Something is very wrong." She finally looked up at Aryn. "Does that make any sense?"

A faint and concerned smile touched down on the princess's lips. She said to Leia,"Well, I have to join your family in agreeing that something's wrong with you, but I have no idea either. Only you can know what's going awry down there in Leia Land."

"But how am I supposed to figure that out if I don't already know?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe, you just might need to spend a little time with yourself. Taken a break, sit back, relax. Listen to yourself, Leia. If something is so wrong, you ought to be able to figure it out if you just take a minute to listen to yourself. Nobody else can begin to guess what's going through your head until you figure it out and you can talk to the rest of us. So you tell me. What's wrong, Leia?" Just then, the comm on the nightstand rang and Leia breathed a sigh of relief, saved by the comm. She jumped up to get it for Aryn. She held the device to an ear and smiled. "Bornan? How's . . ." Suddenly, though, her smile disappeared faster than Aunt Tia's pittins when she called them for a bath. She frowned, her gaze fixed on her bedsheets while her husband spoke. "Wait, Bornan, hang on. Slow down."

"What's going on?" Leia asked, but Aryn just shrugged.

"Bornan, calm down please. I can't understand what you're saying. Say that again." She shook her head, handing the device to Leia. "You try," she suggested.

"Bornan?" she spoke into the device. "Bornan, this is Leia. I'm visiting Aryn right now. You need to calm down and speak clearly. What is going on?" For a few seconds, all Leia heard coming from the other end was the sound of Bornan breathing. Heavily and ragged, his breaths came back sounding like he was running. They slowed just a little and Bornan managed to say, "Attacks! Leia, it's attacks! There are reports, it's happening! Leia! Alderaan is being attacked!"


	14. Chapter 14

**AN:** Warning! I am evil and I hold no regrets! I can nearly promise that, within the next few updates, you're all going to hate me! But that's alright because I have a feeling I'll enjoy your reactions. Well, anyway, happy reading!

* * *

 _Attack. Attack. Attack._ There was an attack. An attack was currently going on. Someone was attacking Alderaan. It felt like Leia's heart had ceased to beat for a second before her next breath came. She gulped, sweat already trickling down her forehead. Her hand shook and she dropped the comm. How was this possible? _Why?_ Why would someone attack Alderaan? Peaceful, harmless, weaponless Alderaan. Why attack the innocent and defenseless?

 _The Emperor and his followers rule with fear,_ Leia remembered her father saying and the words echoed in her mind. Of course. What did the Empire care when it came to defenseless Alderaan? What did they care if Alderaan was defenseless? When had they ever cared about anyone other than their selves? _No, we're not defenseless. We can't be!_ She knew she needed to do something, go somewhere, move her feet, help somehow. Her mind couldn't seem to comprehend it all, though. Though there was little to swallow, all of it was too much to stomach. Leia could hardly believe what Bornan had told her; she couldn't even think let alone think straight.

"Leia! Leia!" The yelling of her name helped jerk her back to awareness and she yanked her arm back as Aryn gave it a great tug. "Leia," she held her gaze with her wide, wild eyes. "Leia, what did Bornan say? Tell me, Leia, what was Bornan saying to you?" Leia fell to her knees to grab the comm and when she rose, she came back up on shaky legs. She forced her eyes back to Aryn's heavily pregnant form, intelligible thoughts finally forming in her mind. In mere seconds, a mental list of priorities began to form in Leia's head and she quickly found Aryn's name at the top followed by the magical motivational word. In mental parentheses beside Aryn's name was the word 'baby' and that was plenty to send the rest of Leia's mind crashing back to where it belonged.

Leia shook her head, gasping as if coming out of water after too long under, and her body jumped into action. She took hold of Aryn's shoulders and pushed her out the door. "Who's your first-in-line protector when Bornan's gone?"

"Right now, it would be Jehta. Why?"

"Where is she?"

"I'm right here, Princess." Leia turned her head to see a tall but built woman with long, blonde hair and gray eyes standing in the hall, one hand cautiously slipping under her long cloak. "What's the matter?"

"Take the princess to her emergency spot. Don't let anyone in unless you are _positive_ it is someone from the Thul staff or family. Stay armed and don't leave Aryn."  
"Leia!" Aryn's voice had gone very panicked. Leia couldn't blame her. "Leia, what's happening?! Is Bornan alright?!" And, if even just for a second, Leia honestly wondered if it would be better to not tell Aryn. The last thing the poor expecting and mother-to-be needed was to worry about an attack on the world she would soon be leading. And that her husband was still out there. Leia didn't want to do that to her, but she couldn't leave without telling the young woman what was keeping her husband from home.

Leia took a shuddering breath as though she'd just been running. She took in Aryn, standing there, slightly bent over, her body trembling in pure fear. Tears escaped from the corners of her eyes and gaze didn't waver as she stared Leia down, waiting for an answer. The picture was just about too much to bear and Leia started to lose it, too. A lone tear ran down her left cheek and she shrugged. "I don't know if he's okay. All he told me was that . . ." The words stuck in her throat like dry soypro cutlets. She swallowed again. "All he said was that Alderaan's being attacked."

Like an imaginary weight had been dropped on her shoulders, Aryn leaned for the wall, one hand reaching out for it, her gaze still on Leia. Her back to the wall, she slid down to the floor, leaning heavily against the wall, her gaze still on Leia. Now, she held both arms around her stomach and cried, her gaze still on Leia. "Here?" she whimpered. "On Alderaan? Here?! And Bornan is still out there?! He should be coming home!"

"M'lady," Jehta rushed forward and helped Aryn Thul up, slinging one of her arms behind her own shoulders. She got the pregnant princess to her feet and hurried down the corridor, trying to calm her. "We must get you to safety." She stopped to look to Leia and asked, "You'll find the prince, yes? Send him back home?"  
"Of course," Leia assured Jehta. She was about to turn and leave when sit occurred to her that she should do everything she could to ensure the safety of Alderaan's next queen."Are you armed?" Leia asked of Jehta.

Very few families on Alderaan had weapons, but, when Leia was younger, Bail had decreed that the staff of royal families be armed for any situation. Few actually did carry weapons. To Leia's relief, though, Jehta nodded. "A set of knives and a couple blasters."

"Can you shoot them?"

"Why arm yourself with something you can't use?"

Under any other circumstance, Jehta's response would have earned a properly won smile from Leia, but she was in a hurry, so she just nodded, pleased. "Perfect. Just," Leia pointed to Aryn, turning to take off. "Take care of her until Bornan gets back." And with that, Leia was off and running, trying to fathom what was going on and how bad it might be. Did she really want to know? Subconsciously, she reached a hand to her hip where hung her trusty DL-44. She gave its handle a squeeze, relieved that she always took it everywhere with her. Down her leg hid an extra magazine, too.

She burst outside to be immediately greeted by the sounds of wailing sirens, citizens screaming, fleeing for the safety of the indoors. Everyone went their own ways, arms held over their heads as they fled the streets. What were they fleeing? It took Leia only a few seconds to find out. Laser fire started coming down like rain. White figures stood atop buildings, holding their blasters out and shooting anything that moved. Leia's breath caught. She ducked down and rolled to stop by the wall of the Thul palace and scurried along, now reaching to take her blaster in hand. She peered across the street again, her heart hammering in her chest. From where she was, Leia had a decent view of Ducchi',s mechanics shop. Standing atop the mechanic shop, Leia saw two or three stromtroopers there, shooting at pedestrians who were trying to escape with speeders. Behind them, Leia saw Ducchi, shooing them out and helping them into speeders. Leia took aim and shot the Imperials both in two shots. She saw the mechanic relax and he followed the others. Leia continued on, creeping along the walls. She was reluctant to leave the safety of the walls around the Thul home because she couldn't see much from where she was. Judging from the sick stench of blaster fire and the sounds of shrill screaming, Leia figured she didn't want to see any more, but she had no choice and she bolted out the gates, into the streets. What Leia saw made her want to curl up in a ball and scream.

* * *

"Twenty-one," Han noted with an impressed smile. "Not too bad. It's just not as good as . . ." He reached out to the middle of the table and laid down his cards. "Twenty-three."

Luke lurched forward in his seat, his face aghast. "No way!"

Han just sat back and smiled. "Read 'em and weep."

"A pure sabacc. You're insane." Bail slapped down his own hand, revealing a sadder sum of eighteen.

"Not insane. Just experienced."

Still frowning, Luke muttered, "Bail _was_ bluffing! I knew it!"

Just then, Sabé entered the dining room, her arms crossed. "Done with your little game yet, boys? Memily and I need help preparing dinner. Where are the wives?"

Han shrugged. "Leia didn't say where she was going, just that she was going somewhere and would be back soon."

"And Breha said she'd be getting groceries," Bail added. "For dinner." He sat up straighter and craned his neck to look out the nearest window. "I suppose she should be back."

Just as Bail rose from his seat, an urgent knock sounded on the door and Sabé hurried to answer it. Memily joined the men in the kitchen, all of them wondering what could be keeping Leia and Breha from returning home.

The door opened and they all heard a flurry of discussion, someone speaking quickly and in a nervous tone. There was some shuffling of feet until Sabé came back into the kitchen with Raal Panteer and Bornan Thul. All three looked very nervous, but Bornan seemed shaken. Their faces were a sight in itself and attracted the undivided attention of all three men. Bail addressed them first, beginning to ask, "What brings you both he-"

"Viceroy," Raal sputtered, his voice already clearly quivering. He made an urgent gesture outside with his arm and was practically jumping on he spoke. "Haven't you seen? Haven't you heard?! The troops- there are troops-"

"Outside, Viceroy!" Bornan managed to sputter. "There are Imperials, troops of stormtroopers. They're shooting civilians!"

"What?!" Bail rushed to an exit door in the kitchen and the others quickly followed. Even before they were out, Han was reaching for his blaster. They gathered in the side yard near the garden and watch the scene unfold. What Raal and Bornan had just said was true. Imperials ran down the streets, chasing Alderaanians, shooting them. A woman down the street caught Bail's eye. She was shepherding her children into a group of bushes, but they'd been spotted and a tall trooper caught the mother by her collar, turning her to face her children while he shot her in the head. Her children screamed until, one by one, they died of blaster wounds as the trooper shot them. Their blood spilled onto the ground, running a long path down the street. Bail wanted to vomit.

Screams echoed down the streets and people ran, some to only fall, others to trip in the chaos and go down screaming. Overhead, transport ships dropped off more troopers and turned back around to set fire to different buildings.

"What is this?" Bail managed over complete disgust. "What's going on? We have to stop this!"

"I think you should stay inside, Bail," Han suggested. "Luke and I will-"

"Whoa!" Luke threw his arms in the air and held him where he stood. "Han, what are we going to do? Do you see this? What are the two of us supposed to do against a hundred of the Empire's troops?"

Han sighed, shaking his head and checking the settings on his blaster. "I don't know," he admitted, looking back to Luke just long enough for his brother-in-law to catch the terrified expression on his face. "All I know is that my wife is still out there and so is Breha."

"Let me try the queen on her comm," Raal suggested, watching cautiously as Bail crossed the yard for a better look. Han was already leaving. "Queen Breha? My Queen, it's Prince Raal. Are you alright? Where are you?"

Raal was immensely relieved when the queen's gentle voice answered back, hardly even sounding alarmed. What an epitome of grace under pressure. "Fine, fine, Raal," she assured him. "I'm alright. I'm with a group of people and we're hiding."

"Wh-where are you, Queen? I'll come for you."

She paused a moment. "Southside. Southside of Aldera. Come quick, please. Hurry. And bring Bail, Leia, Han, and Luke with you!"

"Of course, My Queen." Raal hung up and turned back to Bail, Bornan, and Luke.

"I blew up the Death Star," Luke muttered, tears standing in his eyes. "But I can't do anything now."

Bornan was tying his hands up in his hair when his own comm rang. He quickly answered it, his shaky hands nearly dropping it before he got it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Prince Bornan!" a high-pitched, nervous voice issued out of the communication device. "Where are you! We have a problem!"

"Yes, Jehta! I'm watching it!"

"No, no, my Prince. It's Princess Aryn. She-"

" _ **Aryn?!**_ _What's wrong with_ _Aryn_? Is she hurt?"

"No, no, Prince. No, she, she isn't injured. Uh, my Prince, she . . . she's going into early labor."

The comm fell from his grasp. Raal, who was accepting a blaster from Bail and clipping it to his belt, stopped to look at Bornan who had gone pale in an instant. He was back to weaving his hands through his hair, his eyes now blinking like Coruscanti traffic lights. " **What are you still doing here?!** " Raal screamed harshly at him. "You're going to be a father! Go home to your wife and help her! We don't need your help, now **go**!"

"Sabé!" Bail called. "Find Ducchi and start evacuating. Make sure Aryn and Bornan are on the first ship out of here. And find them a medical aide! I'll come back with Breha soon." Then, he, Luke, and Raal hurried off, parting ways with Bornan and Sabé who were headed the other way. "I'll send Memily with you," Sabé was telling Bornan. "I'll call Ducchi and Memily will help you two get to Ducchi's ship. Now, go! Get to Aryn."

* * *

 _Bail loved the sound of_ _Breha's_ _mellifluous laugh as it echoed down the halls while she pulled him up the stairs with her. Her excitement was contagious and Bail had to laugh as he followed her. Of course, he was excited too, but_ _Breha's_ _level of elation was a fierce competition. They were newly married, but_ _Breha_ _was bubbling over with exhilaration now that they had plans to start a family._ _Bail was thrilled by the thought of starting a family and he was well aware of how anxious_ _Breha_ _was. Part of his excitement was more excitement on his young wife's behalf. She would make an amazing mother, he knew. She had the right personality, as his mother often said about her daughter-in-law, and_ _Breha_ _had come into their marriage with her research done._

 _Breha_ _stopped in the middle of the hall and pointed to one door. "This one," she said with a bright smile._

 _Bail studied the door that she'd chosen, nodding. "Hmm. And why this one, may I ask?"_

 _"Well,_ that one," _she pointed to the floor directly under them. "Is ours. So, this way we'll still hear her, or him, from our room, but still let her, or him, have her, or his, space."_

 _"I thought we were talking about a room for while this child is still a baby."_

 _"Oh, well,"_ _Breha_ _bounced on the balls of her feet, looking away nervously. 'I was thinking we could just keep the baby in our room." Her face quickly brightened again as she went straight back to convincing Bail. "We have the room! Bail, I already understand that the baby will be up all night for the first months. Do you really want to be getting out of bed that often? We can have the baby right next to us. We can put the crib at the foot of our bed! Then,"_ _Breha_ reached out and tugged on _Bail's arm until he was following her into the room of question. Then, she was off on her rant again. "Once the baby starts sleeping through the nights, we can have this room ready. It's perfect! It has its own_ refresher and there's a small balcony out the window and it overlooks that spot in the yard where I want to start the garden _-_ _ooh! We might need to paint, though. This wet gray is really depressing. What about a light blue or green? No, I think blue and brown would look really nice for a girl or a-"_

 _"Breha, my dove, calm down!" Bail laughed at her. He took her hands in his and had her sit down with him in the middle of the room. He held her in his arms, held her close. "You know what, my dove?"_

 _"What is it, B?"_

 _"I love watching you when you get excited."_

 _Breha_ _laughed, trying to wriggle out of her husband's grasp, but he kept her there, pinned in his arms. He sneaked his hands around her waist and laid both over her flat abdomen. "Aren't you, B? Wasn't it just the other day you were telling me all about how you don't care if we have a boy or girl, just as long as we do get a child?" She put both of her hands over his._

 _"Of course, I'm excited. You know I am. It's just that I didn't come with my homework done and our child's life planned out like you did."_

 _Breha_ _chuckled again and relaxed in her husband's arms. "I don't want to plan our baby's life out._ That should _be their job. I just want to know what I'm doing when the baby gets here."_

 _Bail took his turn to chuckle deeply in her ear. His arms went around her waist and he reminded her, "Don't you forget that we have to make this baby first before we plan on bringing it home."_

 _Breha_ turned in his arms to look at him. He smiled at her, at the sight of her, her beautiful, dark eyes and elegant lips, the bottom one caught between _her teeth. She was beaming at him, her cheeks rosy with color. She said to him one simple word, one single word that would leave Bail reeling, that would change his life forever. "Check."_

* * *

Luke crouched behind an overturned speeder, his mind spinning, his stomach lurching, and his gut screaming at him a list of all his mistakes. Now being in the middle of this disaster, he didn't know what to think, how to react. Should he be fighting? Should he run? What about all the people? The ones who were still running? What were any of them supposed to do?

And the streets. The streets- the streets were bleeding.


	15. Chapter 15

The desperation rolled over Leia like a huge tidal wave and Leia had to stop a moment and let her stomach settle. Her senses were on overload and everything was too much too handle. Leia didn't want to watch any longer. She wanted to cover her eyes and ears, block out the sounds of all the screaming, wash out the images of the dead bodies lining the streets, wash out the smell of blood and blaster fire. The iron-like smell of blood hung so thick in the air, Leia lost her breakfast and could hardly keep going. Then, she had to watch it. The body count was rising and the stormtroopers merely left the bodies where they were, how they were. They kicked the bodies as they walked by, walking as a single army all together, marching through the streets to their next destination. A river of blood was collecting and was starting to flow downhill like a steady stream. Leia could barely bear the sight even by watching its reflection in the ironically squeaky clean windows of the shops.

The streets were bleeding. Desperation was taking over.

Her nightmares were coming true.

"All Alderaanian citizens report outside," a betraying warm voice blared through giant speakers as the troops marched on. "Lord Vader and Emperor Palpatine have ordered the punishment of your people for restricting the greater authority and rebelling against His Highness Emperor Palpatine. Please wait outside for further instructions."

More blaster shots rang out. Her mind racing, a migraine building, Leia cell to her stomach, holding one arm with her blaster under her chest. She hid herself against another wall behind some bushes and waited. Through a small gap of twigs, Leia could make out the view of a squad of stormtroopers walking along the road with an Imperial med-van. A second med-van followed and, from it, other Imperial stormtrooper men unloaded crates labeled in big, bold, dark letters, ' **MEDICINE'.** They handed it out in large quantities, offering with the promising bottles friendly handshakes. One man accepted a full crate, pointing back to his family as he spoke with one Imperial man. The Imperial nodded, approaching the man's wife who smiled gratefully, her lips quivering. She held out her arms to hand the Imperial a baby with light, curly hair. The Imperial smiled and dripped some of his medicine into the baby's bottle. The scene was weird enough, but it was something else, something Leia couldn't quite describe, that took over her body and raised her arm to shoot the baby bottle and the Imperial in one blast. Call it . . . a motherly instinct.

Leia shot to her feet and started rapidly firing all the Imperials she could. "Don't take the medicine!" she screamed to all who would listen. "Don't Drink it! It's poison! That fluid will kill you! It's not medicine!"

Nearly everyone dropped their medicine, but one man looked doubtful and Leia ran to slap the small bottle out of his hands. "We cannot trust the Empire!" she screamed. "They're going to kill us all. Stand up, Alderaan! **And fight!"**

She chased the vehicle, shot out the main structures and took out the driver and company in a mere five shots. _I love you, Han,_ she silently thought, grateful for all those lessons he had given her prior to their marriage. She'd always known how handy they could be, but Leia agonized in the fact that she would find herself in such a massacre and have to use the skill.

She hurried over to the med-van and climbed into the driver's seat, pushing the driver over into the next passenger seat. Her hands ran their way about all the knobs and switches and things, looking for any tracker or device that could alert other unfriendlies to an issue with their "medicine" distributors. Pulling out a drawer, she found a few comm devices and crushed them under her boot before they could crackle with life. She pulled another from a hideaway bin on the roof of the vehicle and flung it to the gravelly road, jumping out of the high seat to stomp repeatedly on the device. Next, she scanned the troopers, pulling the driver from where she'd shoved him aside and stripped off the outer layers of his uniform. Under the shining white plates, he wore a black suit. She searched his armor to find three syringes (probably for an emergency injection of difficult citizens), two Imperial Light Grade blasters, and three detonators. Leia clipped two of the detonators on her belt and set the third aside. Next, she found a bag and filled it with the other troopers' possessions and proceeded to leave the vehicle.

"Everyone, move out!" she yelled down the street. "Run! Get out of here! Everybody, move! Grab what you have and go!" Leia removed the detonator's safety pin, flicked the switch and threw it under the med-van, already running for the next block as she threw it.

Her heart hammered in her chest, but Leia didn't stop until she came to the stormtroopers' next stop. Leia ducked and rolled for a large tree and tucked herself underneath its long branches, cautiously peeking out for a look at the Imperials. They organized themselves into several lines of rank, the front row shooting one more round before they came to a stop, satisfied that nothing living was left anywhere near.

The troops marched past and Leia slowly came out of her hiding spot, her gaze merciless as it scanned the area. She found herself standing in what was once a beautiful strip mall on the north side of Aldera. This was the same street where her favorite bakery had once, just hours ago, attracted so many customers daily. Now, blood smeared the windows to those shops and bodies lied limp in piles of decaying matter, the stench of burning skin almost as strong as blood. More accurately, Leia found herself standing in the middle of a cemetery.

They'd started their own bonfire here. Leia could smell the embers that were still burning. The air was muggy with that campfire feel and Leia was sure she was going to choke on the embers. The smell of charred flesh crept up her nose; she could hardly stand the sight anymore. And then her Force instincts had to pick up on it. Cries of the dead reverberated in her mind and Leia cringed, her facial muscles twitching at the feeling of the Alderaanians' horror, their despair washing over Leia as one tidal wave, drowning her, suffocating her. She wanted to run away from it all, but it was everywhere. No matter where she ran to, the horrific feelings seemed to follow her along with a sense of foreboding like a bad omen when the storm already seemed to be at its strongest. It terrified Leia.

She heard a cough nearby and her neck turned so quickly, it should have snapped. She saw a young man with unruly, dark hair lying on his stomach on the red pavement, his whole body covered in blood, his clothing soaked. A gush of blood spurted from his mouth and he winced. "Hey, you," he croaked. "You . . . you have a . . . blaster." He wasn't asking. His hands flat on the ground, he raised a single finger to try pointing. Leia looked to her right hand which weakly held her DL-44. She didn't respond but looked back to the man. "Shoot me," he sputtered, another leak of blood trailing out his mouth. He coughed again, his breaths now coming out with a heave. "Please."

There comes a time in every case when a situation deems for different "acceptable" morals. As horrible as it may feel, as wrong as it may seem, it can be debatable whether or not to take an extreme is okay. Opinions may vary, but the argument remains. Watching the man die ever so slowly of his blaster wounds, knowing that Alderaan's medics would be completely overwhelmed with thousands of patients in a few minutes, Leia could only imagine how long it would take for the man's heart and lungs to finally give out. So, she took a deep breath and approached the man who smiled gratefully as she came. Leia kneeled before him and said, "This is going to hurt worse than your blaster wound."

The man nodded. "I'm already dying, Princess. Besides, you'll make it real quick, won't you?"

Nodding, Leia put both her hands under him and rolled him onto his back. He grimaced and yowled in pain. Then, nodded. "Do you have any family?" she asked.

"Three little girls and their mama. But they didn't make it this far."

"I'm sorry."

"Please, Princess," the man begged. "Don't think too much about this. I really do miss my girls. I wanna see them soon-"

Without allowing herself another second to think about it, Leia pressed the blaster to his heart and killed him. She felt him go in the Force. It wasn't horrifying or shocking like she had anticipated. He went away peacefully, anxiously. Happily. She flinched at the sound of the shot and slowly drew back her weapon. She turned her head up to the sky, to the bright, bold, beautiful blue sky and closed her eyes, holding her arms out to try and find the sun's warmth. " _Alevu_ _me_ _gata_ ," she muttered in the ancient Alderaan tongue. The short phrase, when translated to Basic, meant 'have mercy on us'. She got back up and started for the other side of the street.

Leia started to run as she came to a part of town where a little under half of the citizens around still alive. Women wept over their children's bodies, men wept over their wives, children wept over their fathers. It was a never-ending cycle of death and mourning and it made Leia so sick. She didn't know how, but she had to help them.  
Leia peered farther down the road where a few men were helping each other carry each dead body and line them across the sidewalk. Shoulder to shoulder they were laid, their clothes straightened out and their eyes tightly closed. Following after their careful work came others with tarps and they laid their tarps and sheets over the body, concealing the gaunt, haunted looks on their pale faces. Leia spun away from the scene, covering her mouth in fear she was going to vomit again.

Her comm buzzed in her jacket pocket and she quickly reached in to grab it. "Organa Solo," she said, surprised by the shaky quality to her voice. She'd always been so much better than that at concealing her own fright.

"Leia, it's me. It's Raal. Where are you?"

Leia glanced at the end of the street, looking for a blue sign. She found it and read it aloud over the comm. "Gracemount Street, North side of Aldera. Where are you?"  
"South side of Aldera Capital. I called Queen Breha earlier to ask where she was."

Leia's heart jumped into her throat. "I talked to her just under an hour before this started. She told me she was going out for groceries."

"Yes, and when we asked where she was, she told us she was in South side Aldera."

"And have you found her there yet?"

"Leia . . ." Leia didn't like that moment as he hesitated, taking a long, deep, shaky breath before letting the silence continue to hang. She had to cut it down. "What, Raal?" she demanded, her sacred patience running low. "What is it? Tell me!"

"She isn't here," Raal finally answered. His voice soft, he spoke to Leia as gentle as he could. "We've looked everywhere, asked everyone. No one has seen her in the last hour. Leia, she wasn't here."

A sudden realization hit her and horror began to suffocate Leia. At first, she could hardly speak. Her eyes burned and Leia closed them. "She wasn't ever in South side." When her words finally came out, her voice was squeaky, higher pitched as though she was about to cry. Leia tried to hold it in.

"She begged me to come with you, Bail, Luke, and Han," the Panteer prince continued. "To hurry."

"She was sending you away. Raal, she sent you away! You left her!"

"I-I'm so sorry, Leia! I didn't realize that's what she was-"

"You left her! She could be dead!"

"Leia, I'm sorry-"

Leia didn't have the time. She shut her commlink off and wasted no time, dashing down the street and headed in search of her mother. She was tired, exhausted really, but she couldn't let that slow her down. Her heart was racing in her chest, her breaths coming ragged, her legs pumping faster than she'd ever run before. She didn't have the time. The Empire was destroying her world, her people. That was motivation enough to keep going. Faster, harder, farther. Leia was deaf to all else but these thoughts. She was still a Princess of this world, of Alderaan. And Alderaan needed her now more than ever.

* * *

 _Bail wasn't entirely sure he'd heard her right. Or, perhaps, had he heard just fine, but mistaken his wife's meaning? But what else could she mean? All she'd said was 'check'. Check what? Check like,_ 'you're right. We should go do that right now' or . . . check like . . . like his wife was meaning to tell him _. . ._ she was already _pregnant? No, Bail couldn't let his own hopes get so high._ _But what then did she mean?_

Breha laughed at him and so he figured he was wearing a dumb look on his face. He quickly tried to regain _his composure as he backed away, still trying to make himself understand. She gave him a little nod, sitting on her knees while she waited. Gently and lightly, she gripped his forearms, waiting for his wheels to resume their turning. It was taking a while and Breha was losing her patience. She threw her arms around Bail, laughing like something was hysterical before she whispered in his ear, "I'm pregnant, Daddy."_

 _Breha_ _counted the seconds until Bail actually reacted._ One . . . two . . . three . . .

 _"Breha, my love . . ."_

 _She laughed again, bringing her hands up to hold Bail's face. "Are you happy, B?"_

 _"Ha!" His mouth fell and his arms hurried to wrap around her and pick her up. He squeezed her and cried, "Am I happy? Well,_ Breha, I'm only rejoicing in the glory that _-_ wait. Am I hurting you?" He quickly set her back on her feet. Gently. "The baby _-?"_

 _Breha's smile didn't fade. "Bail, it's fine. We're fine. Bail, the baby is so tiny, there's no way you're going to hurt it."_

 _"Are you sure?"_

 _"Positive. Bail, our baby is fine." She took Bail's hands and raised them to just an inch above her waist and laid one hand there. "Right around here," she told him. "I'm taking care of her. Or him."_

 _Bail's smile turned softer as he tilted his head to the side, reached out to pull Breha into his arms, and reached in for her lips. "And I love you even more for that."_

* * *

Sabé did everything she could which, in her view, felt like next to nothing. The death toll was rising as well as the injured and Sabé wished Memily could help her. Of course, every medic on Alderaan had been sent to the site where they were gathering civilians to evacuate, but Sabé had spent the last twenty or so years working side by side with Memily and it scared her to be on her own now with so many patients. And with nearly all of them in critical condition, Sabé was overwhelmed, but she did as well as she could.

"Another dead," a voice said quickly, shoving a hovergurney to another nurse before turning back to the crowd. Sabé turned and helped the woman lift the body, setting it next in the line. Pulling her hands out from under the dead woman's shoulders, she lifted her mask back to her mouth. "563," the nurse said, tossing her a black marker.

"64," a male doctor corrected. He pointed to another body, a young girl with her dark hair in a long braid. She couldn't have been older than nine. "Already marked her."  
Sabé acknowledged his correction with a nod and labeled the dead woman at her feet with the number **564** on her forehead. Getting a better look at the woman's face, Sabé gasped. She had dark curls for hair that were now crusted with mud and streaks of dried blood. And then there was a tiny river of blood trailing down from the corner of her mouth. Almost like a flashback, the image hit Sabé hard, leaving her chest heaving like a heavy weight had settled on it. She remembered it like yesterday, accompanying Padmé, who had been a senator at this particular time, to a vote along with a few of the other handmaidens including Cordé who was playing decoy as Padmé for the event. The shot rang out in Sabé's head again and she saw Cordé fall, Padmé and Captain Typho rushing for her body. Sabé stayed where she was, too shocked, too horrified to move. With a wet wipe, Sabé cleaned off the blood, dirt, and grime from her face. Now, it was her lady she was seeing in this dead woman. It was Padmé as Bail had presented her to Sabé and the Naberrie family. Appearing somehow peacefully dead. And yet, not. Some hint of a tortured look remained there, just behind the eyes. Just as it had been when Sabé had seen Padmé's body.

Turning back to the crowd of sick and wounded, she called out, "Another child!" Immediately, a woman a few rows back rushed forward to thrust her child into Sabé's arms. She took the child and realized it was a baby. She held the child gingerly and assured its mother, "I'll do everything I can. You'll be reunited with your child soon." She drew a thick, dark **15** on the mother's wrist and wrote the same number on the child's. "Soon," she promised, carrying the child back to her examination table.


	16. Chapter 16

_"Bail!" he heard his wife's cries and screams sounding like a shrill siren from another floor up. She was screaming incessantly, over and over, begging him to hurry and come to her. He came running. As fast as_ _he_ _could and even skipping a few steps, Bail hurried to find his wife, following his own mother and an aide. "Bail!" she screamed again. The alarm and terror ringing in her voice tortured Bail and he felt like he was battling an obstacle set to get to her._

 _The small party of three came to the long corridor of the second floor and found_ _Breha_ _kneeling on the white, tiled floor of the refresher, her hands held up level with her chest and her eyes shedding tears. Her expression was dashed with a spike of fear and she looked as though she'd been shot, but that wasn't what shook Bail, made him collapse beside his wife, fear starting to course through his body, too. It was the fact that she was splattered in blood. It wasn't like a pool, but a very noticeable large spot on her skirt and her hands were covered in the thick, sticky substance. Also, presumably from touching her face, there was a blood print around her mouth. The blood also trailed around the toilet and on the floor._

 _Another aide was already with_ _Breha, kneeling at her side, holding one of her shoulders in a comforting grip. "Calm down, Princess. Take deep breaths," she told her in a soft and soothing voice, but_ _Breha_ _would have none of it. "Bail," she whimpered. "Bail, what's wrong? What's happening? There's so much blood!_ _Ohhh, Bail!"_  
 _Bail's breath had caught and words failed him. Even if he could speak, Bail wasn't sure what he would say. So, he looked to his mother who was wearing a dark, gaunt look. She stepped closer to_ _Breha_ _and told her, "Stand up, dear. Let's get you cleaned up."_

 _Breha_ _vigorously shook her head, asking again in her quivery voice, "What's happening?_ _Mazicia, what's wrong?! Someone! Tell me! Tell me what's wrong!"_

 _Mazicia_ _Organa and the aides helped_ _Breha_ _to her feet, stripping off her skirt and guiding her to the sitting_ _sanisteam. "Calm down,_ _Breha. You must relax. Panicking won't help anything."_

 _"What's happening to me!" Her shrill, frenzied cry pierced Bail's heart and it was at that moment that he realized he knew what was happening. His heart sunk, but he tried to keep above the water. Though his heartache showed, Bail didn't let it pull him down. He knew he had to stay calm for_ _Breha. She would need him to keep her going and Bail would never leave her._

 _Mazicia_ _started filling the_ _sanisteam_ _tub, trying futilely to hush_ _Breha. "What's wrong?! Tell me now!" she still screamed_ _and_ _Mazicia_ _gently hushed her again, squeezing her hand._ _"Breha_ _. . ." she spoke her daughter in-law's name so softly._ _"Breha, you're miscarrying."_

 _There were sleepless nights, long sleepless nights when the pain seemed unbearable, but Bail stayed at her side. He helped her through all the kinds of pain and rocked her to sleep and assured her that they'd get their baby someday_.

Looking back on those nights now, Bail frowned slightly at the thought that it would be years until they got that baby. It would be years, after suffering several more miscarriages, until a certain baby girl's life would be flipped upside down the day she was born, effectively orphaned by her parents the same day, and have Fate drop her at Bail's feet and have him taking her home to his suffering wife. Nor had he ever thought that that baby girl would change their lives more than any child with their own blood could have. But all that would happen and so much more . . .

* * *

The omen feeling, for Sabé, had started when she'd gotten herself out of nurse duty and went searching for Memily. She found Ducchi still loading freighters with Alderaanians and she asked him, "Aryn and Bornan have already left, right?"

The mechanic shook his head, reaching for the hand of a young woman and helping her into a large freighter. "Nope. Not yet. I would have sent them off right away, but-"

"But what?! Aryn's going to-"

"Sabé, trust me. I know. Memily's being stretched as thin as she can be and she's been running back and forth between different freighters. I've been loading them-"

"Are Leia and Han even here yet? The Organas?"

"Memily also doesn't want to leave without them."

Sabé held her hair back from her face and sighed heavily. "I feel like I'm living some sick dream."

"Don't we all?"

"Do you even know where Leia is?"

"No idea."

"We closed our camp!" a new voice called, approaching Ducchi with a clipboard. Sabé recognized the person as a doctor from the site where she'd been helping care for the injured. "I've got the body count right here." Ducchi traded a look with Sabé. Honestly, Sabé felt emotionless. A numb sense of loss had settled over her and she was so tired, she sat down, unfazed by it all. She felt like she could cry and not even feel a thing. Ducchi accepted the clipboard and skimmed over it, running a hand through his thinning hair. "How many were identified?" he asked.

"Few," the make doctor answered. "Mostly random civilians. One body looks like this one guy . . . ohh, I don't know his name, but I think he was the Organas' chauffeur-"

"Valden?" Nothing like another name from the dead to supply Sabé with a fresh stab of pain.

"Yeah, him! He was one of the few that we could identify. All the rest will have to be autopsied."

"This is a joke," Ducchi said, nearly laughing. "Why don't they just figure out how to kill the rest of us already? I'm done." He shook his head, tears sliding down his round cheeks. "I'm done."

* * *

That omen type of feeling Leia had been detecting earlier had been steadily growing the last several miles and she didn't let her legs give out. She kept going, going faster, running harder as her fear mounted and the Force screamed at her, sending her running scared. Leia had never run so fast, but she was nearing something. _Something._ It was pulling her in and Leia had to get to it.

A blaster shot sounded off somewhere near and Leia put on an extra burst of speed until she found herself outside what appeared to be an area purposefully barricaded off with tall vehicles. Stormtroopers stood guard along the perimeter and three raised arms as Leia approached. Two of them shot and Leia quickly ducked and rolled forward, out of their line of fire. She dashed between two of the vehicles and stopped, finding herself in the middle of her nightmare.

* * *

"I commed Leia," Bail heard Raal saying. "She's looking for the queen. All we can do is wait for them to get back."

Luke pointed past them and said, "We might as well board a ship and wait. We could wait for Han in the _Falcon_ -"

"We can't leave without them," Bail insisted. "They're coming; we just have to wait."

"Han's looking for Leia," Raal reminded him. "Leia's looking for Breha. They'll be fine. Luke's right. We can wait in the _Falcon_ and get out of here as soon as they come back. What good will it do anyone for us to be standing in the middle of town, waiting to get shot?"

Bail turned to look at the younger men, an omen-like feeling clouding his focus. His body was tense and he couldn't shake the feeling that something here was very wrong. "You talked to Leia and Breha just a little bit ago," Bail agreed, his shoulders still tense. "But is Han okay?"

* * *

Three stormtroopers stood to her left. Tall and broad-shouldered, under any other circumstance, Leia might have feared them just the slightest bit. But not now. Leia's mind was already elsewhere, taking in what lay to her other side. It was first the gasp that turned Leia's head so she was now looking to her right. From that moment on, it was merely the sight. There, sitting on her knees in the grassy spot, was her mother. Her eyelids looked ready to fall, but she kept one hand held to her stomach. And then Leia saw it. All the blood. It was dripping from Breha Organa's hand, soaking her navy blue dress, pouring mercilessly from her stomach. Her mouth opened and then she closed it. She fell onto her side, rolling onto her back, all with a light thud.

" _ **Mama**_!" Leia screamed a blood-curdling scream and she fell to her knees, scurrying to reach her mother. "Mama," she cried in a mutter. She turned her mother onto her back and pulled her into her lap, her eyes darting back and forth between the bleeding wound and the scene around her, looking for something to wrap around the injury. Her jacket. Leia quickly shed her own jacket and laid it over her mother's stomach, removing her hand from the spot. Then, Breha's eyes flitted to look at her. Her bloody hand came up and weakly cupped Leia's cheek. "Lel-Lelila," she struggled to get the word out, somehow managing a light smile for her daughter.

"Mama," Leia repeated, pressing one hand down on her makeshift tourniquet, trying to slow the blood flow. "Calm down. Everything will be alright. I've got you. I'm gonna' get you to Mem-"

"I don't think . . ." Breha took a gulping breath. " _I_ need . . . to calm . . . down," she joked, but Leia didn't find it funny. She shook her head and pulled Breha's body closer to her. "Just hang on, Mama. I've got you."

"Think you're going somewhere, _Princess?"_ one stormtrooper spat at her, but Leia ignored him. She wasn't sure how she'd get past the troopers, but she knew she had to get herself and her mother out of here. Breha needed medical attention immediately. Leia's mind raced and she gulped, trying to figure out what to do. She told Breha again, "Just hang-"

Breha stopped her, laying a shaky finger over Leia's mouth. "You . . . hang on. You need . . . to leave . . . now."

Again, Leia shook her head. "Why did you lie to Raal?" she begged her to answer. Of course, she already knew the answer, but her body and mind were both in denial and left room for anger to take control. "Why didn't you tell him where you were?! We could have found you earlier-"

"At what price?" Breha frowned. "No. No, Lelila. You know why. I love you, Daddy, even Han . . . and Luke. Your lives are worth . . . the sacrifice. Don't . . . dishonor that . . . please. Listen to me, Lei . . . eia." Her eyes closed for a second and Leia squeezed to make sure she was still there. Her eyes fluttered back open and she opened her mouth wide for the biggest breath she could take. "I love you . . . love you like . . . my own blood. Daddy and I . . . we lost so many . . . but we got you. You came . . . and I still don't know . . . what I ever did . . ." A bright smile touched down on the queen's lips and Leia's tears started falling at the pace of a downfall of rain. "Ever did . . . to deserve . . . such . . . a wonderful . . . perfect daughter. I hope . . . I did well . . . in your eyes . . . and your mother's."

"No," Leia cried, bending her head so her nose almost touched Breha's. "No, you're- you _are_ my mother. Mom! You raised me and loved me and taught me! You're the only mom I ever want! You're the only mom I've ever needed, ever known. Padmé, I've never known her, but you-!"

Tears had started to pool in Breha's eyes, but her joyous smile remained. She licked her lips before speaking. "You were my joy . . . in life. My pride and joy. And Daddy's, too. I want you . . . for me . . . figure out what's wrong." She pointed to Leia's head, then chest. "Be happy for Mommy. Talk . . . to Han. You need . . . baby. Now. And know . . . Mommy loved you." Her eyes turned up to the sky and her smile remained. "Tell Daddy . . . I love him. Tell Bail . . ." her eyes closed and her head fell to the side, her one hand falling from where it had been caressing Leia's face.

Her last words spoken, Breha Organa, queen of Alderaan, died then and there, in her daughter's arms. A smile still on her lips.

A profound emotion flared in Leia's chest, for a short moment leaving behind an empty shell. Then, the feeling returned and Leia could react. It was a few seconds before she could tear her gaze away from her dead mother, but her eyes eventually left the sight while her arms pulled Breha closer yet. Her gaze turned up to the stormtroopers who stood before her and she asked them, "Is this what you came here for? To kill the queen? To kill my mother? Are you happy now?" Her teeth were now gritted.

"No," one shook his head. He squatted down before her and Leia could sense the smile that hung behind his mask. "Actually, it wasn't. Your people ticked the Emperor off, so he told us to make you all pay. _This,"_ he gestured to the body in Leia's arms with both hands. "Was just a bonus."

"You cowards!" Leia sneered, her gaze burning them with all her fury. "You kill and destroy all that lies in your wake, but you're too scared to show your faces."

"We're not scared. You are. And you can't be upset with us. This was your doing, your planet's. We're just serving the justice. Sometimes, Princess, life happens."

Leia could take no more of it. She felt a kind of fire building up inside of her. Hot and furious, Leia admired its lethal beauty and something about it just felt so _right._ Leia reached for it, encompassed it, embodied it. She became one with it and unleashed its, and her own, fury upon the ones who had angered her.

"So does death," she responded simply before letting her new friend take over. She thrust forward a hand and one of the two troopers farther away from her dangled above the ground, his hands flying for his neck. He scratched at his neck, clawing at it, trying to pluck off invisible fingers. But he couldn't get them off and he fell to the ground, dead. The stormtrooper standing before her could only watch on in horror. Leia turned her head to look at the other one beside the dead one and grabbed hold of his neck. Then, with a sickening crunch, his neck snapped and he too crumpled to the ground, dead.

The final trooper turned back to Leia, too shocked to do anything or even say anything. Leia beamed at him. "Guess what," she said. "It's your turn." Lightning danced on her fingertips and Leia laughed just before making the forks of energy grow long enough to reach the stormtrooper. His body shook and convulsed as Leia's Force lightning danced around his body. He screamed and begged her to stop, but Leia kept it up, watching her energy slowly kill the man. "You killed my mother!" Leia screamed at him. "I'm just serving the justice." And he was dead before Leia let him drop to the ground.

* * *

Han felt like it was a year ago again. Standing on the balcony to Leia's bedroom with her, saying what he'd thought would be their last goodbye. The worry that he had felt for her then, he felt again now. He needed to find her, but what if he was too late? What if she'd been shot, killed, left for dead by the Imperials, her body already loaded with the rest on a separate freighter? He couldn't bear the thought. He shook it away and continued racing through the bloody streets, screaming his wife's name, hoping to get a response back. However, none came.

Han kept running. He would find her. She would be fine. Everything would be fine. He had to make himself believe it. He would find Leia. She'd be fine. Then, they'd get out of here as fast as they could, away from this unbearable, forsaken sight. But Leia would be fine.

He found her after hours of searching. There was an overturned vehicle lying between two more huge speeders and it was past them that Han found the awful sight. There she was. There his wife was, sitting on the ground, sitting in a pool of blood, holding a body in her arms. It wasn't until Han approached that he realized, his heart skipping a beat, it was Breha lying dead in her arms. It was too much and Han had to look away for a second. Lying several feet before Leia were the bodies of three stormtroopers, none of them bleeding. Han looked back to Leia. Her gaze found his and Han gasped aloud. Leia's eyes were dark as coal, dark bags already encompassing them. Her look was cold, but another element was surfacing from just behind that. Pain. Both emotional and physical it seemed as Leia muttered to him, "Hurt."

Han gulped, at first only managing a nod. "I know, sweetheart."

Leia shook her head and repeated, "Hurt." She clutched her stomach and said yet again, "Hurts."

Han frowned, but nodded again, approaching her. "Alright, honey. Let's get out of here." He pulled out his comm and, in his most somber voice, spoke through the other end, "Luke, I found Leia. I need to carry her and I need someone else to . . . I need you to come here. Without Bail."

* * *

Luke slowly set down his comm, perturbed by the somber quality to his brother in-law's voice. So, he'd found Leia, but what did the solemn quality to Han's voice mean?! Was Leia hurt? Shot? Dying? His mind jumped to the worst conclusions, but, looking around, he had good reason.

"Bail," he said to grab the viceroy's attention. "Why don't you go tell Sabé we're coming? I think Han found Leia and Breha."

Bail's face lit up and he nodded, hurrying off to find the Nabooan woman.

Luke turned to Raal and warned him simply, "Something's wrong."

* * *

"My Queen," Raal stammered upon seeing Queen Breha Organa lying dead on the ground. His heart had stopped. What seemed to be very backwards to everyone, her face looked very peaceful and the woman was even _smiling._ Raal gulped over a lump in his throat, tears already prickling in his eyes. He turned to Han who was carrying Leia in his arms. Now, the facial expression Leia wore was the complete opposite. She looked so haunted, her eyes dark and sunk, her lips quivering, and her hands shaking. Raal asked Han, tearing his gaze off of his childhood friend, "How are we going to tell everyone? The Alderaanian survivors, the Organa staff . . . _Bail._ Fierfek, how are we going to tell him his wife is dead?"

Han tightened his hold on his own wife. He didn't say anything.

"Bail is getting Sabé," Luke told Han. "He'll be back soon enough and . . ."

"We'll have to tell him. What I want to know," Han frowned at the dead stormtroopers, thinking hard. "Is what happened to them? No blaster shots, Leia was way over there . . ."

Leia whimpered in Han's arms, but, when they looked to her, she wore the faintest of smiles. "I killed them," she explained.

Han's frown deepened. " _How?"_

Her voice weak and feeble, Leia elaborated. "They made me angry." Then, her eyes fluttered shut.

* * *

Sabé, much like Ducchi, was done with this day. She was ready to collapse, laugh herself to insanity, whatever it took to get out of here, out of this picture. The loss of Valden was a blow to the chest. Although, Sabé had no idea that it wouldn't take very long for things to become a hundred times worse.

She left Ducchi to his work, making her way back to the first freighter where Memily was with the Thuls, assisting Aryn in her labor. They were waiting for Leia, Han, Luke, the Viceroy, Queen, and Raal before they left. There was too much on her mind to spend the rest of her energy worrying about them, though. She waited inside the freighter, sitting cramped with everyone else, her knees drawn to her chin. She focused on the sound of Aryn's cries to further numb the pain she felt ebbing at her. No one else said anything. All but Aryn's cries and screams and Memily's soft-spoken reassurances and comforts remained silent. Sabé joined them in it.

She lost track of time, of how long she'd been sitting there wearing a blank expression, but it wasn't long until Bail came, casting a smile toward Aryn and Bornan as he entered. Turning to Sabé, he told her, "Luke and Raal are coming back with the others."

Sabé drew herself back up, bringing her shoulders up, knees down, and rested her hands on her knees. "So, Han found Leia and Breha? That's good."

"Yes." Bail stroked his stubbled chin, considering. At that moment, Aryn let out a sudden cry and Memily was holding up a baby boy. The crowding Alderaanians burst into cheers. One man stood up and announced in a loud and clear voice, "Survivors of Alderaan, may I present to you the next ruling prince of Alderaan!"

Everyone packed inside either bowed, tipped their hats, or offered some kind of gesture of respect to the newborn and Aryn and Bornan blushed, smiling over their new baby son. Some light for the dark tunnel.

Bail sighed. "What are we going to do, Sabé? How are we going to heal after this?"

"Hang onto all that you have left, Bail," Sabé told him with a nod to the noble baby. "It's our only hope."

As if on cue, Han swept inside, carrying Leia. The sight of her niece was enough to break Sabé's slight depression and she jumped to her feet, already reaching for the young woman. "Is she injured?" her voice jumped. From behind her, Memily was cleaning her hands off on a towel and rising to check on Leia. "I don't think so," Han said softly, setting her down where Sabé indicated. "But she's not what we're worried about."

(At the same moment, Bail asked, "Where's Breha?")

Han held Sabé's gaze and, truly, she'd never been so terrified. Immediately following the pregnant silence, Luke and Raal both came in, carrying a long, wide board that held a body on it. Memily slowly approached, surveying Luke and Raal's solemn looks. She reached for the drape covering the body and peeled it back just enough to find the face of her queen. Bail came up from behind her and went _white._

" _Breha_?" his voice quivered and that was enough to put Sabé in tears. Memily was backing away with her hands on her mouth, just as pale as Bail. The passengers of the freighter had gone silent, everyone completely shocked and utterly devastated by their queen's death, but simultaneously unbelieving. Aryn and Bornan traded a shocked look, realizing that their turn to lead Alderaan was fast approaching.

Trying to recover herself and remain calm, Sabé quickly took Memily into her arms, the poor woman now bawling. Her shoulders shook with sobs, but Sabé watched Bail over her shoulder.

"Breha, my dove," he cried, stroking his dead wife's cheek. Luke and Raal gently set the board down and Bail dropped to his knees to stay level with his wife. Or, at least with what remained of his dear, beloved dove. "No, no. Why? How? Breha, how . . . h-ha! Why? My love, my dove." So torn was he, Sabé could see the struggle, the war in his eyes. Bail was so shocked, so shaken and destroyed, he didn't know what to do. Sabé could tell that he was in such shock, he could hardly even believe that Breha was really dead. Sabé felt similarly, but she wasn't Breha's husband.

Bail was slowly easing into hysterics, reality setting as Breha didn't move, didn't acknowledge her husband's light, feathery touches. He shook his head, muttering her name quietly, then a little louder and a little louder. "Breha . . . Breha . . . Breha! No! No, no. How could this happen? Why would they do this? Breha, my dove . . ." He trailed off into violent sobs, holding his wife's face between both of his hands.

A mournful silence had settled and Sabé didn't know what to do to break it, to ease the tension and relax everyone after this disaster. She was still trying to calm Memily, rocking her in her arms, hushing her persistent cries. Leave it to an Alderaanian, though, to know how to properly deal with such a moment. The Thuls had been given a bouquet of flowers earlier by a civilian who had seen that their heir was to be born. Picking up the bouquet, Bornan picked a long-stemmed, elegant arralute and pulled back the drape further to lay the flower on the queen's chest. Raal reached down and folded her hands over the stem and sat back, staring at the unmoving scene. Then, in a low, mourning tone, one of the freighter passengers began to sing a funeral hymn. Slow and sweet it went, those who didn't sing cried, but those who sang all cried, too. The birth of the next noble generation had produced a sense of hope only to be swallowed down and overshadowed by the funeral shroud of their great queen. The passengers went through their meager possessions and found enough perfume and incense to spread over the queen's body for the ride. Then, it became silent again. Silence was fine with Sabé. It was better than the hysterical cries. Besides, she had a new patient to distract her.

Once Memily had calmed herself enough, Sabé suggested to her that they check on Leia and the woman had agreed. They moved her to the most spacious spot there was and checked over her vital signs, quickly assured that the young princess was fine, just unconscious. Sabé assured Han of as much, telling him she probably just passed out because she was exhausted. Sitting beside Leia's unconscious form, Memily at her side, she was sure she'd had her fill for the day, but that omen feeling still hadn't faded. Sabé nearly laughed aloud at that. No, she told herself. Things couldn't possibly get worse than this.

Sabé fell asleep sometime during the trip. Somehow. It must have been a few hours into her nap that Sabé woke up. She wiped her eyes and quickly glanced over at Leia who was still out. Fear suddenly shot up Sabé's spine and she jumped to her feet, tapping Memily's shoulder. "Wake up!" she urged, stepping around Leia's body. "Wake up! Something's wrong with Leia! She's bleeding!"

That snapped Memily to full awareness. Her eyes went wide with alarm and she hurried over. "She wasn't injured, though," Memily reminded Sabé, her brow creased in confusion. "We checked for a blaster wound."

Sabé was already stripping Leia down and checking her over for an injury, carefully examining where Leia had a heavy stain of blood. She shook her head. "There is no injury."

Memily did her own check over Leia, deeply frowning, helplessly. She stood there for a long moment, thinking. Her eyes wandered across Leia, to the floor, then suddenly flicking up to settle back on Sabé.

"What?"

Memily grabbed her medical kit from the floor, rummaged through it in a hurry, and soon came out with a small tool.

"What?!" Sabé begged her, grabbing her shoulder while Memily rushed to work. "Mem, what is going on? Tell-"

"I don't know. I mean, I might know. I think I do. It's just . . ." She paused her work for a moment, not meeting Sabé's gaze. "Pray that I'm wrong."

* * *

The sound of silence had been swallowing Han whole for the last several hours. He couldn't get any sleep, couldn't even try. He just couldn't shake the feeling that the worst was yet to come. He peered out a mini viewport, watching for enemy ships, but none came near.

Concern for Leia still nudged at him even though Sabé had assured him that neither her nor Memily could find anything wrong with Leia, no injuries at all. "It's been a long day," she'd said, suppressing a sigh, rolling her lips between her teeth. "She's just exhausted. Shocked, for sure. She just needs her rest." Han had agreed with that, positive that Sabé was right. Leia had been exhausted lately and Han was sure that that was exactly what Leia needed. Just some rest. She'd witnessed the death of her mother. Han believed that, by any and all standards, Leia held the right to pass out if she felt like it. But what was wrong with Han remaining worried for his wife?  
Footsteps sounded down the hall leading to the quiet, dark place Han found to hide in. Soon, Han could see Sabé coming. Her solemnity remained and Han found himself feeling much the same. She sat down beside him with a sigh and watched him.

"Is she okay, still?" he asked.

Sabé instantly looked away, picking dirt from under her nails to busy her hands. "Leia . . . Leia is fine."

"It doesn't sound like she's fine," Han noted. "The way you said that, it sounds like it's really bad."

Torn between reassuring Han and breaking the news, she turned to fancy medical terms, trying to explain, but not really. "I still don't doubt that it was the sudden trauma of seeing . . ." Sabé stopped, squeezed her eyes tight. "Han, something happened."

Han found himself at a loss for words. He nodded, studying his folded hands in his lap. "Yeah. I noticed."

"No, I mean . . . I mean, Leia is . . . she's _fine._ Sort of. Not really. No, I'm sorry." Sabé moved to sit in front of Han. She took his hands so he wasn't staring at them, but at her instead. "I'm so sorry, Han. Something horrible has happened. I don't know how to tell you."

"Why don't you just spit it out?"

"I don't think that's the right way to break this, either." She sighed, her eyes now pooling with tears. She wiped them away, but her eyes immediately refilled. "Han, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry . . . but Leia's miscarried."

* * *

 **AN** : So . . . how many of you still love me?


	17. Chapter 17

**AN:** _Viola!_ A bonus chapter because . . . I don't know why. Lucky you, I guess I was just in the mood. Haha! I made my fellow Wattpadders wait a week!  
It's always funny when I think about the differences between my audience on this site and on Wattpad. When I published Chapter 16 on the other site, I was a little scared for my life by the comments! You guys . . . are almost too . . . _calm_. You're not supposed to be able to forgive me! You're supposed to hate me! I'm evil! *Sigh* Fine, whatever. Guess I'll just have to kill more people.

No, I'm kidding, but before I end my (as always) ridiculously long author's note, I'd like to take a couple sentences here to thank jeanmarie3 over and over and over and over and over again because she is just amazing! Thank you so much for your support and feedback and reassurances when I start tearing myself apart. It means the world and I just about started bawling after our little conversation about Chapter 16. Again, thank you so much and I love you for it!

* * *

"I'm so, so, so sorry . . . but Leia's miscarried."  
Here's what you do when things don't make sense or you're just too kriffing tired to try and understand or you simply don't want to. At least, here's what Han did. First, he laughed because that didn't make sense. Next, he frowned, his brow creasing because he was too tired to try and understand. Then, he shook his head and looked away because it had been a long day and he simply didn't want to try. "Sabé . . . " What was he going to say? Han had nothing _to_ say. His thoughts went disarrayed and he had no idea what to think, couldn't think. Han settled to shake his head again.

"Han. Han, say what it is you're thinking," Sabé gently coerced.

Han first responded with a short laugh, studying the floor. "That's not-" He stopped himself, started over. "Sabé, that's not possible. Leia isn't pregnant. She's made sure of it! She isn't pregnant, Sabé. She doesn't want a baby right now."

"Han, I know this must sound insane considering neither of you even knew she was _pregnant,_ but . . . Han, it's true. I don't know what else to tell you."

"Where did you get this idea from that Leia was pregnant and now she's miscarrying? Where do you just come up with that?"

"I think you should come back with me so Memily can explain to you."

"Explain what? Leia isn't pregnant. I have no idea where you would even get an idea like that . . ." Han came to a sudden stop, suddenly trailing off. His gaze wandered and he was rubbing his hands together, his anxiety shining like a thousand rays of a single sun. He shuddered a sigh like his throat was constricting against tears. "She- she really . . . Leia was actually pregnant?"

Sabé stood, offered him her hand, tears still standing in her own eyes. "Come on, Han. Let Memily explain."

* * *

What was he supposed to think? How sad was he supposed to feel? Han didn't really feel sad. He was still trying to understand what had happened. It was as though when Sabé had spoken to him, Han had heard her words, but not registered them. He couldn't even be sure that he'd heard her right. All he knew for sure was that something awful had happened. And things were now worse.

Was it really true? His wife had been pregnant? Han had had everything he wanted out of life, but, apparently, now it was gone? Over? Gone as soon as had he had known about it. Maybe, this was for the best. Leia had made it crystal clear that she didn't want to start a family now. Han had argued with her, tried to make her see and understand his reason, but Leia had been firm in her decision and made it clear that he was to respect that. And so he had. But Leia was pregnant. Han's mind refused to believe it. He couldn't believe that it had really happened. He wondered how Leia would feel about that when she found out, how she would take it. Would she be grateful it was over?

Han could take no more of guessing how positively Leia would react and he shook those thoughts away as he followed Sabé. She stopped inside a smaller hall where Leia was lying with Memily bent over her. Memily glanced at him, her eyes red and puffy. "Sabé told you?"

Han looked past the Alderaanian to Leia, to her pale face, to the bloody towels lying at her side. And it all suddenly clicked. He managed a nod, the shock flooding his system.

"I don't know exactly how long the pregnancy lasted," she said. "Probably only a few weeks. Maybe a month post conception. We should be able to tell once we get her to a proper medcenter. We're headed for Kuat, Bail told me, so it shouldn't be much longer now . . ." Memily trailed off now looking at Han, studying his reaction. She suddenly doubted he'd even been listening as her gaze fell on the tears that were now dotting his cheeks. He was falling apart, breaking. Memily longed to do the same, but she and Sabé had scheduled their turn for the moment they were on Kuat, Leia in the medstaff's hands, and they'd excused themselves to go use the refresher facilities. It wasn't time yet, no matter how horribly it hurt. Memily pushed all her pain down and turned her focus back to Han and the current situation. Han deserved the best explanation she could give him.

Han was kneeling at Leia's side, staring at all the bloodied towels and the nest of sheets they'd put under her to soak up the mess. Though his cries were silent, the tears fell like a heavy rainfall down his face and it astonished Memily. She'd never seen Han cry before; she highly doubted anyone had. Maybe, if anyone, he'd cried in front of Leia, but Memily still heavily doubted that. Han was strong, just like Leia. This was a rare glimpse into his weaknesses.

"How did you figure out . . . everything?"

"Sabé realized that she was bleeding. We checked her over for physical injuries, blaster wounds, cuts, abrasions, scrapes. There was nothing to suggest that she _should_ be bleeding like this. Then, I remembered how strange she's been acting lately. The throwing up; even though we just thought she was making herself physically sick with worry over everything. Anyway, fatigue, nausea, lower back pain, mood swings, food aversions and craving. It was then that I realized . . ." Memily sighed. "She was flashing signs of pregnancy like crazy. We were just too busy to think much of it. I took a urine sample and fed it to a home kit pregnancy test. If the test is to be believed, her hormone levels indicate that she is, or was, pregnant. Her hormone levels have yet to balance out again." Gesturing to the red towels around Leia, the Alderaanian added, "And now she's miscarrying."

Memily could see the struggle, the war with his grief that Han was now fighting. It was evident. From his look of horror that matched the one seemingly carved into Leia's unconscious features to the rush of tears racing down his face. Memily couldn't imagine the pain it must be as a _parent_ to the lost fetus, but she mourned with him, laying a hand on his shoulder.  
From beside the mourning Corellian, Sabé caught her eye and the look there! Oh, that look! Memily hoped they were nearing planetside and would be landing soon. So much grief and horror locked up on one small ship . . . the current was sure to flood Kuat as the landing ramp descended.  
"I think I'll go check on Aryn and the baby," Memily suggested for herself, but instantly regretted saying it aloud. Han visibly winced. So this was how it was going to be, Memily realized. Life was going to become very long.

* * *

Kuat had been given a two-hour notice before the flood of refugees came. Gracious them, they prepared as best they could, but they were not ready for the flood of tension, grief, pain, and people that all came on those small ships. Prior to their arrival, they'd cleaned out as many patients as they could, either sending them home early or transferring them to a smaller medcenter. Their full staff would be busy with the new Alderaanian patients.

As soon as the first ship landed, they were off, doctors rushing about, gurneys and IVs at the ready, and several morticians standing to the side. It was Memily and Sabé who first came rushing out. She met with the head doctor and told him, "We have a list of our dead, the identified, at least. We also have a list of priorities if you don't mind."

"Of course. I was just about to ask. Who tops that list?"

"We have the planet's next queen who went into early labor when the attack started. She and the child come first. After that, there's a noble who . . . miscarried. She's currently unconscious." Down the list Memily went. Meanwhile, the head doctor sent off nurses and gurneys, having each patient taken in to be cared for. When Leia was rushed into the medcenter, three nurses racing her on a hovergurney, Han tried to keep up, chasing them down the hall, intent on staying with his wife, a few other medical professionals pushed him back, blocking his path to Leia. Memily could see the panic flaring in his eyes and she rushed to calm him. "You'll see her soon," she assured the Corellian. "They're going to take care of her. They're going to make sure everything is alright and then you'll get to see her again."

"Everything's not alright!" Han yelled, still fighting the entourage of nurses and doctors. "She . . . she. She miscarried." He stopped, fell in a heap on the floor, sobbing again.

Memily slowly turned from the scene, deaf to all else but Sabé once they found each other and ran away to cry. The head doctor called for her, but she was gone, running away from it all, the grief, the horror. She ran, her heart racing and her pulse pounding in her ears. She ran until her legs gave out and Sabé had her in a hug, sobbing with her, their cries filling the horrible peace.

"They're gone!" Memily shrieked, watching over Sabé's shoulder as a few interns sorted their way through the rest of the ships' inhabitors. "They're all gone!" Memily was horrified by the reality of what had happened back on Alderaan. To see such a vivid, gory example of the Empire's tyranny and evilness left Memily petrified, astonished that anyone could do that to a planet without feeling remorse. She'd heard the screams, seen the blood, felt the pain. It had already been bad enough . . . before Luke and Raal came in carrying her beloved queen's body. At that moment, when she'd peeled back the sheet to see Queen Breha's smiling face, shock had shot up her spine, wracked her nerves, grief attacking her so unexpectedly. Her queen . . . her queen was gone.

Memily could remember growing up in the small Alderaanian town of Ladliba; a closely-knit place where everyone knew everyone. She'd grown up there with her grandparents, sitting at her grandpa's feet while reading every cooking magazine by the founder of Heart of Aldera, an exquisite and gourmet restaurant. She'd flip through every page, mentally cataloging every recipe she wanted to try. Memily would wait until her grandmother got home from her job and they'd hurry to the kitchen and try whatever wonder Memily had found that day. Soon, though, when the money was just starting to run out and Grandpa's medcenter bills were beginning to pile up, the food magazines stopped coming and Memily was left to ponder each coming meal by herself.

It was enough for her young self to hope the old man would wake up every morning and that Grandma would find the strength to make herself useful, but, not even old enough to find proper work, Memily had to scavenge every credit she could. It was selling papers by day and begging just before dinner and crying at night, flattening out the wrinkles of her nicest skirt to wear again the next day as she went. She wasn't privileged enough to attend school and the nearest one was too far to bike to. Her life was a sorrow, she'd heard the neighbors say. If only she had the opportunity to display all her talents.

That day came when she was fifteen. Memily had marched into Heart of Aldera and begged the owner, "Please, sir. I have not a credcoin on me, but let me show you what I can do." She'd presented him with a frosting she'd made herself, smeared it on a customer's plain muffin and stood hack. Little had she known, hiding under dark navy wraps, that customer was Alderaan's queen. A smile had slowly graced the woman's lips and she'd pulled back her hood to reveal her face. Memily instantly fell to the floor in a bow and, in response, Breha had laughed. "Get up off the dirty floor, girl. I don't need your bow. Look at me." Memily quickly stood, licked her lips, and looked into Breha's loving eyes. "What else can you make?"

"A-anything, Your Highness. Any recipe at all."

"Do you only bake?"

Memily shook her head and folded her hands nicely behind her back, forcing herself to stand up straight in the queen's presence.

"Do you have a job?"

"No, ma'am. I don't have the education."

"You speak like you have."

"I teach myself . . . everything."

Breha sized her up briefly, nodded and motioned her to join her outside. Memily quickly followed. Standing outside under the sun, Breha's face lit up with a brilliant smile as she told her, "I'd like to see what else you can do. If it's alright with your guardians, the palace is looking to hire fresh staff. You'll be offered a wealthy pay if you accept."

"You're offering me a job at the palace?!"

"Would you like to?"

"My Queen! My Queen, I'd be honored!"

Following their first meeting, Memily had been invited by the queen and viceroy to the palace where they asked her to prepare the night's dinner as somewhat of an audition for the role of cook in the palace. She'd wowed them with a two-course meal of well done nerf steaks glazed over with a thick and creamy white sauce and light seasoning, then a frozen cream recipe of her own for dessert. Immediately, between mouthfuls of delicious mixed bright berry frozen cream, Breha had insisted on hiring her and Bail had agreed. It was only a few weeks later that Memily had started working for the Organas. She'd arrived with all she had in two travel bags and Breha, who had seemed to be in a state of panic, had quickly pointed her to the third floor and told her her room was up there.

She'd wandered down the hall, peering into each room to find the one Breha said she'd prepared for her. Amazed and dumbfounded, Memily had been rendered speechless. She found a room with a light on, a chandelier hanging over the bed. Memily went in to find a woman older than herself sitting on the floor, sobbing. Her hair was dark and shiny, floating down her back in long waves. She looked up when Memily came in, wiping at her big brown eyes. "Who are you?" she quickly asked. "This is my room."

Memily stepped back. "I'm sorry. My name is Memily. The Queen hired me as a servant. I was just looking for my room."

"It's the last room on the right."

Memily gave the crying woman a nod, stepping out. "Thank you. And what's your name?"

"Sabé," she answered and quickly shut her door.

Now, in the present, Memily looked to Sabé, sniffling. "She brought me here. She gave me this life when I didn't have the opportunity to before. She brought me here and gave me everything . . ." She stopped, rolling her lips over her teeth. "I've been with them just as long as Leia. The Organas, they've been my family for two decades. They gave me their home. I've served my queen faithfully for 20 years!"

Sabé nodded, her eyes red and puffy too, now. "You know my story. I grew up with my first queen. Padmé." She gave a little laugh and smiled at all the old memories. "She was my best friend, my sister. Work rarely felt like work when we got to do it together. We were inseparable. Everywhere she went, I was just a step behind. We told each other everything . . . I thought. And then, the last time I saw her, she was dead!" She wiped under her eyes with the side of her hand. "My sister, my queen, whom I had served for about 20 years, inexplicably dead! . . . And then Breha called me. She told me she'd heard about Padmé's death and she asked if I'd be alright. And then she offered me a job where I'd get to spend every day with my queen's daughter. So, I serve her for 20 years. . . . And I grow close to her. She made me feel understood like she knew what I was going through. I never thought it would hurt me so much to lose her. To lose another queen, another friend. You've always been closer to her, though. This hurts you almost like it hurt me to lose Padmé."

Memily turned sad eyes Sabé's way. "So, now you've lost two queens."

The Nabooan woman nodded, wiping away more tears. "It doesn't get any easier."

* * *

Han remained at her side. He would never leave her side. He would always be right there, never let anything happen to her. Unpermitted tears rained down his cheeks and he buried his face in her hair, grasping her shoulder in a desperate hold. _Please wake up,_ he thought. _Please, wake up and assure me that everything's going to be okay. No. Do I want you to be okay after this?_

Since the day they'd married, the topic of starting a family had been somewhat of a controversial issue. Leia had assured him that she wanted a baby just as badly as him, but would those feelings even matter to Leia if she didn't want that baby right now? Would it even hurt her that they'd lost a child? Hardly even a child, their baby had been nothing more than a tiny, oddly shaped fetus as a Kuati nurse had explained tersely to him. Han could hardly care, for the mere idea of a baby sounded beautiful to Han. He would be lying if he denied having dreamt and envisioned a child of his and Leia's thousands of times before. One of those pictures he'd drawn himself was all that he could see now.

Han gently laid a hand over Leia's abdomen. He soon removed it, replacing it with his lips. He murmured against the cloth of her medgown, pressing lightly on her abdomen. "I still love you, Baby Solo."


	18. Chapter 18

That image, it refused to leave her mind. Blood dripping off Breha's hand, her hand clamped over the blaster wound from which all the blood was pouring. And still, Breha Organa died smiling. Leia couldn't understand why. Her skin still crawled with horror at the thought, but her body was so numb with grief, it didn't bother her much. Leia was too focused on the darkness that was beginning to shroud around her heart, striking down an shred of hope or happiness that had managed to survive thus long. After watching her mother die, holding her close, completely and utterly helpless, Leia had enjoyed letting her anger take over. She actually kind of felt proud of herself. The stormtroopers had killed her mother and she, in turn and a measure of equality, had killed them. There had come a sudden rush through her veins, a cool wind that had been so inviting, and Leia couldn't resist using it in full. Masters Olin and Kenobi ought to be proud of her. She'd never been so close to the Force, never embodied it so greatly and powerfully. She'd never felt so strong in her life. Leia had brought justice to her mother's death.

She woke to an ache in her abdomen, an uncomfortable feeling like strong cramps. She folded her legs up, grimacing at the feeling. Her mind was a clouded mess as she came to. Images of the last day, the whole attack, wouldn't leave her alone and Leia battled them, trying to push them out of her mind. The heavy, iron scent of blood still lingered just under her nose, but she didn't hear the rapid fire of blasters shooting all around her anymore. What did that mean? Was it good? Bad? Part of her didn't want to know.

Leia opened her eyes with a moan. She found herself lying down on some kind of bed and staring straight up at a white ceiling. She lifted her arms in front of her eyes to see that she was wearing a blue and white medgown with short sleeves and the words _'_ Kuat _Emergency Medcenter'_ stitched into it over her chest. In her right arm was a fluid drip, on her left hand's finger was a fat gray clip, and covering her mouth was a rebreather. Leia was quick to start pulling at it, her fingers frantically pulling at its straps until she pulled them over her head and the equipment fell into her lap.

Leia sat bolt upright, taking in her surroundings as she, quite panic-stricken, jerked her head back and forth, looking around. She understood that she was in a medcenter, but there was no one else in her room. She kept looking around, simultaneously trying to pull different medical equipment off of herself. Immediately, a loud buzzing noise filled her ears and Leia jumped. A tall monitor stood at her bedside, displaying a frantic dancing disfigured line Leia figured to be her heart rate. It was erratic, but Leia couldn't help it.

On cue, a few nurses rushed in. All of whom hurried to, of course, put the instruments back on her. Leia fought them, flailing in their grasp, trying to shake their arms off of her. "Princess!" they shouted at her, only panicking her further more. "Princess, you need to calm down! Relax! We're here to help, Princess! You need to lie back and rest! You've suffered some extreme trauma. Please, Princess, lie back and let us work-"

One hand clamped the rebreather back over Leia's mouth and she immediately responded with a gurgled scream. She swatted it off, slapping the hand and screamed, "Han! Han! Help me!"

"Princess!"

 ** _"Han!"_** Leia kept up with her relentless cries and struggle for a while longer until a doctor came running in, followed by Han and Memily. _"Han!"_

Han's gaze darted to her and Leia felt a surge of relief. He ran over to her, shoving nurses aside as he came. "You're awake!" He sounded even more relieved than Leia felt. Looking into his eyes, Leia found terror there, nearly the same she felt. "You're awake!" He swept her into his arms and Leia could have melted there. Her head still swimming, she burst into sobs, her head burrowing into Han's chest. "Hey, sweetheart," he said, holding her close, rocking her. "Hey, honey. How are you feeling?"

Slowly, Leia turned up her chin to look at him, still crying. She gave a little shrug.

"You're feeling okay?"

The room now quiet and she was lying peacefully in her husband's arms, she became aware of the cramping again and cringed.

"Hey."

Leia settled a hand over her abdomen, but said nothing. "Does it hurt?" Han asked. Leia frowned. How could he know? "You can ask Memily for more painkillers, but I'm not sure it's been long enough yet."

"Han?"

"Shh," he whispered into the crown of her head. "We're on Kuat. Alderaan was evacuated as soon as your father heard about what was going on. He's here, too."

"D-does he know?" she asked simply, her voice shaking with each cry she tried to hold back.

"Luke and Raal carried her body to his evacuation ship. . . . He's hanging in there."

"I saw!" Leia sobbed into his chest. "I saw, Han! I was there! She-"

"I know, sweetheart. You don't have to even think about it if you don't want to."

Leia fell silent, just sobbing into Han's shirt. Han struggled then, sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her close while Memily cleared out the Kuati nurses and doctors. Was he supposed to tell her now? Quickly, suddenly, just rip off the bandage? That sounded cruel to Han, but what else was he supposed to do? What about this wasn't cruel, unfair? Sabé had had no light way of breaking the news to him. Now, he was faced with the same dilemma. There was no nice, sugar-coated way to tell his wife that she'd become pregnant and subsequently miscarried.

"Leia?"

"Please just hold me, Han. Just hold me."

Han lied her back on the bed and lied down beside her, his body spooning hers. He figured it would hurt worse to tell her if he dragged it out and waited. He had to tell her now. While she was already hurting, mourning her mother, too lost for words. Han needed to tell her. "Sweetheart, something else happened, too."

"Han, I don't want to-"

"No, Princess, you need to hear this. Leia, honey . . . Sabé and Memily found out that something happened . . ."

Leia looked at him, frowning deeply.

"Leia . . . Memily found out that you were pregnant."

First, Leia's eyes went wide. Han saw her hand go to her abdomen and that was when she smiled. That smile killed Han. It lit up her face, chasing away nearly all the darkness there and her body somehow seemed stronger, less fragile. He'd fed her false hope. "You're kidding," she said through a breath. "You're kidding, Han. We're pregnant?" Tears of joy slid down her face while tears of agony slid down his. "We're having a baby?! Han, just a couple days ago-"

"No, Leia." Han shook his head and gently touched Leia to calm her, mute her excitement. Immediately, her smile vanished, alarmed by Han's attitude. Her eyes ran across his face, searching for answers Han didn't want to have to give "It's not like that. . . . Leia, you already miscarried."

Han had felt his own war when Sabé had told him and, now, Han knew what it looked like on the outside. Leia lowered her gaze and her jaw slowly dropped, her brow creasing. "I . . . what? Han, I don't understand."

 _I didn't either, Princess._ "Leia, Memily put a pad in your underwear because you're bleeding. You're miscarrying, Leia. We already lost the baby."

Leia's gaze went to a small blood stain on the lower front of her medgown. Then, her slow slip into hysteria began. "No," she whispered, one hand going to touch the small red spot. "No, that's impossible! I'm not . . . pregnant. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I didn't even know I was pregnant."

"Leia."

Leia's breath caught and her other hand went to join the first, laying over her belly. In what even looked like a protective grip, her arms moved to wrap across her stomach, holding her sides with the opposite hands and doubling over. "No," she whimpered, starting to cry. "No, Han, no. That's impossible. Han, we aren't- I'm not . . ." The simple word seemed to be stuck in her throat. There is a list of words that are used so often, hardly anyone thinks twice as the word rolls off their tongue. Yet their meanings, one would think, should mean a little more. Pregnant. What an average, everyday word. It happens all the time, but you only know what it really means when it finally happens to you, when the desire seizes you and has it twisted up in the claws of Need. Leia already knew what all that was like. Now, though, she would get to learn about all of Miscarriage's friends. In fact, she was about to meet a couple now.

Their names were Shock and Denial. Leia shook her head and sat up by herself, scooting away from Han. "No. No, Han! No, this can't be happening! Why would you even think that?!"

"Leia," Han quickly reached for her and Leia pushed his arms away. "Leia, Memily checked. She took a pregnancy test and it came back-"

"No!" Leia shouted, one arm still wrapped around her midsection. Her voice was dark and deep and Han leaned back in alarm. "If I were pregnant, I think I'd know." Instantly, though, Leia froze, shock hitting her as her words sunk in and did their damage. _I think I'd know_ , she ran the words over in her head and the last several weeks replayed in her mind.

That morning in the palace, at breakfast. She sat down beside Luke and immediately became repulsed by a potent smell her nostrils wished they could reject. She felt nauseous as her father held up the milk pitcher.

The meeting before the Death Star run. She sat beside Han, her mind screaming in panic as the scene played out. She couldn't let him die. She had to stop this. Her stomach twisted up with worry and it was getting so strong, Leia was starting to think she really was going to vomit. She sprinted out of the conference room, making way to the closest refresher. She barely made it to a toilet when her stomach emptied itself.

During the Death Star run. She was sitting with Han right behind her, her worry overcoming her. She'd hardly slept the night before, but she'd been tired before that, too. She yawned, also noticing an ache in her back. Han's hands worked their way around her shoulders, but she asked, "Mmm. That feels really good. Go lower." Han found the spot.

She was in the kitchen downstairs with Breha, cooking dinner, when, suddenly, something else was controlling her body, sending her up the staircase and hurrying for her room. Even as she crawled along the floor in search of something, she'd had no idea what she was looking for. Nor had she known what urge had overcome her. . . . It was the onesie. She'd picked up the onesie, holding it before her to stare in wonder at, marveling the mere thought of carrying a child.

 _I think I'd know._ Had she known, somehow? That day in the 'fresher had she somehow known? No, Leia had had no idea. But, what if, someone or _something_ else had been trying to tell her? The Force? The _baby_? Both? Masters Olin and Kenobi always insisted to her that the Force was just as strong with her as it was them, her brother, her father. Could it really have been the Force trying to make her understand? If so, how could she have missed it? With all the signs, the premonition-like feeling, everything.

But. Now. It was already gone.

Leia's mind tripped over that thought, stumbling there, unable to continue. It was already gone. Her baby. Her and Han's. Their first child . . . was gone.

Leia gave an involuntary gasp, her head bobbing forward then back and Memily immediately rushed over. "Leia?" The princess gave a light gasp again and Han's hold on her tightened.

"No," she moaned, tears filling her panicked eyes. "Nooo." Suddenly, the heart monitor resumed its blaring and Memily was moving to sit beside Han, reaching for Leia, trying to keep her calm. "Leia," she spoke the younger woman's name, maintaining her soft voice as Leia's moaning quickly turned to yelling and screaming. Leia started to flail in her fit and Han pulled her tighter into his embrace. Memily took her knees and locked them together, forcing them between Han's own legs. He seemed to get the idea as he held down Leia's arms with his.

With Leia restrained, Memily went back to talking, trying soothing words over and over while the princess's wails grew."Leia, you need to relax," Memily insisted. "Let your body heal-"

 _"Why?!"_ she screamed, fighting Hans firm grip on her body. _"Why did this happen?! Why? Let me go! Let me go! Let. Me. Go!"_

"Stop that, Leia. You're going to hurt yourself."

Leia arched her body and tried kicking her legs. Han responded by crossing his legs and pulling her tighter back in. She screamed relentlessly and fought to no end while Memily and Han could only watch on in pain. Memily's heart ached for the poor woman, but this tantrum wasn't going to help anything. She kept u her soothing talk for only a short while longer until several medical professionals came rushing back in. Memily and Han were both pushed aside as they pinned Leia to the floor, a single person per leg and arm on her. While they kept her held there, Leia's screams became cries for help and she screeched Han's name until a nurse managed to poke her neck with a syringe and Leia's body instant;y relaxed, her eyelids falling shut. The nurses all stepped back.

Slowly, numb with horror, Han walked back to his wife, just staring at her motionless body. Upon approaching close enough, he gingerly picked her up and carried her back to bed. He laid her there and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders, unable to move any further.

"You can all go now," Memily said to the med staff and waited until they'd gone before returning to Han's side. With him, she gazed down at an unconscious Leia. "Does it help to at least know she cares?" Memily asked him.

"No," he answered quickly. "Now I have to be strong for her."

Memily allowed a long silence to settle as she considered that. It made sense, she supposed. She knew Han was already hurting from this, left broken by the loss of his and Leia's first child. How was a broken Han supposed to hold together a broken Leia?

Memily wasn't sure what kind of reaction she'd been expecting from Leia. At best, she figured she'd been looking for a levelheaded Leia who would take it all in stride. Acknowledge the news with a nod, cry some, hug Han, and understand. Now, Memily wondered how she could have been so foolish. Maybe, she didn't really understand the first thing about grieving over a child, but Leia's hysterics were only to be all, Leia had wanted a child, too.

Memily remembered talking to Leia the evening of that first day when she, Han, and Luke had arrived on Alderaan. She remembered herself, Sabé, and Breha offering Leia all the advice and comfort they had been so torn Memily had seen it in her eyes, the struggle. Of course, Leia had remained levelheaded then. It was just who she was, but who could remain that way after enduring this? Leia's struggle had never been about whether or not she wanted to start a family, but when.

Now, Han understood that and he'd have to help her through her grief too. "She wanted this just as bad as me," Han realized aloud. "She told me. Time and time and time again. But, for some reason, I never thought she could want it as much as me."

"I don't think she wanted you to know," Memily told him. "I don't think she even wanted herself to know how much she longed for it. She was at war with herself, Han. She wanted to make the decision that would be best for any child of hers and yours. And it wouldn't have helped her to make that decision if she let herself understand how badly she wanted to have a baby."

"I guess that wouldn't have mattered, anyway," Han said, bitterly.

Memily' heart constricted. "Most miscarriages happen for inevitable reasons, Han. Genetic abnormalities, the egg wasn't fertilized quite right. Or, the pregnancy would have ended badly anyway. This was an unfortunate coincidence, You two can always try again."

"No," Han said and it came out bearing resemblance to a choked-off laugh. "That's not how this works. That's no solution to this problem. There is none. It's not going to be like that, Memily. I know that we can try again. I get that, but we . . ." Han stopped, fighting futilely as tears pooled in his eyes. "All that we've wanted since we got married has been to start a family. Now, you tell us that we were going to get that. That was going to happen for us, but it ended before we even knew about it. We can't just try again, Memily. We lost our first child.." Then, without another word, Han briskly left the room.

* * *

Bail was trying desperately to hang on to his sanity. As if he thought it would help, he stared at the bare, white wall ahead. Somehow, he still had an ounce left, just enough to keep his mind thinking about more than just his wife. To help occupy his mind, he tried recalling what else had happened aboard the transport ship while they'd been waiting to evacuate. Bail first remembered Aryn and Bornan. Memily had been with the couple, assisting the princess in her labor. He remembered watching, wistfully wondering how long it would be until his own daughter would gift him and Breha with their first grandchild.

That was enough a pleasant thought and Bail seized it, basking in its happiness and wonder. Of course, he and Breha had given the intriguing idea plenty of thought. First, they'd mourned the thought; back just before they'd adopted Leia and Breha had, so sadly, noted aloud that they'd never be grandparents either. Then, they'd joked about it. After Han and Leia had left their wedding to honeymoon on sunny, beach planet Mon Calamari, the two had shared a steaming pot of fresh caf, joking about betting how soon their daughter would comm call to announce she was pregnant. Now, Bail mourned the thought that Breha would never get to be a grandmother and spoil Leia's children like she'd always planned to. _It's alright, my dove,_ he thought. _I'll spoil them for you, tell them how much you would have loved to meet them._

No longer could Bail bear the thought before he came to the realization that, no matter what turn his thoughts took, he'd always find himself back to Breha. Breha as she'd been a couple days ago, Breha as she'd been twenty years ago . . . Breha as she'd been fifty years ago, his young new bride. A young twenty and full of life she'd been . . . ah. Here the memories came, but Bail had no desire to stop their procession.

Bail and Breha had been something of enemies, but on a very low scale. Alderaan's royal House Antilles had put a great many heirs on the throne and, when the Organas ad started to become more powerful among the ruling houses, the head of Antilles had not taken it lightly. House Panteer,w ho had even more names to the throne, hardly cared anymore. The throne had suddenly become war between Houses Antilles and 's grandmother had won the throne for their family and Mazicia, Bail's mother, had upheld the position righteously, winning the Organas' favor in Alderaan's eye. However, the Antilles' grudge remained.

Bail still remembered entering the marriage market, remembered how chaotic and controversial it had been. With the Antilleses growing restless, Mazicia had become worried of a civil war sparking. With their combined minds, it had been her idea as well as Bail's to unite the two houses. Press from the far reaches of the galaxy had been all over it once it had leaked and gone public. Everyone had had their own opinion on it and everyone wanted to be heard.

Bail laughed as he recalled meeting with the Antilles that first time. He'd had to present the idea to the Antilles' head first, Breha's father. Now, the man had two daughters: Deara and Breha. The first few negotiations consisted of Bail marrying Deara, but the Antilles princess wasn't much for the idea of uniting the houses. Then, Breha had opened up her own negotiations.

Of course, Bail had met her before, always stuck in formal settings, greeting each other with gracious bows before Bail turned to attempt in marrying her sister. (Chuckling to himself, Bail remembers thinking, of the two sisters, Breha was prettier anyway.) Breha had approached the table, turning to Bail and suggesting that they marry instead.

Youthful, lively, intelligent, and independent, Bail had often suspected and feared that she wouldn't marry him if she wasn't really in love. Throughout negotiations, Bail had had his fears and they persisted. Until he fell in love with her.

She was free-spirited, kind, compassionate, and Bail literally fell out of a canoe when he realized it, catching himself staring at Breha while she stared out onto the lake. Watching him flail about, hurrying back for the canoe, Breha had giggled, saying, "Hang on, B. I'm coming." She'd jumped in after him. Just like she always had.

Bail felt like he was suffocating, his heart racing as it realized a half of itself was gone. He felt like he belonged on the floor, spasming endlessly like a dead fish. At least, he felt half dead.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when from the corner of his eye, Bail saw Sabé approaching; carefully and slowly she came. She sat on the bench beside him and sighed, looking ahead. "You should go rest," she finally spoke up.

Bail responded. "I couldn't sleep if I wanted to."

"That's why I said 'rest' and not 'sleep'. Really, Bail. No one's going to blame you if you aren't there to reassure every refugee. Everyone's lost something, someone. Go, Bail. Get some rest."

"I can't, Sabé. You know I can't." That was all he said for a long moment until a thought occurred to him. "Give me a reason to keep going."

Sabé's neck should have snapped with how quick she jerked it to look at Bail. His simple statement left her feeling blindsided. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I miss Breha. I want to see her again."

"Bail Organa, don't talk like that!" Sabé moved herself to the ground and kneeled in front of the Alderaanian. "You still have Leia. Leia was there,they did to Breha. She had to watch her die! Bail, Leia lost her mother too. She needs her father to keep her going. She needs you, Bail."

Bail thought about her, his daughter. He thought he remembered seeing her on the ship, but he couldn't be sure. "Didn't she sit next to me on the ship?" he asked Sabé.

"No, Bail. She was unconscious. Han carried her in just before Luke and Raal . . ." Sabé stopped herself in her tracks. She knew Bail remembered Luke and Raal boarding. "Memily and I had her lying on the floor. Bail, something happened else happened to her, too. I already told Han and I think he's going to tell Leia soon but so much happened to her! She needs you, Bail. She needs you to stay. Mourn _with_ her."

Bail looked to Sabé and he felt it as a bit of life returned to his body. Filled with concern, he asked her, "What happened to Leia?"

Sabé brought her shoulders ad head back up, sighing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. It's not in my place to tell you what happened."

"Is Leia alright? Was she hurt-"

"She wasn't injured-"

"Then, what happened?! Is Han okay?!"

"I already told you. He carried her in. Remember?"

 _"Then, what's wrong?!"_

Sabé uttered another sigh, thinking it over in her mind. She had told Han and she doubted the poor guy would feel up to telling someone else. Especially if he told Leia already. She could rip the bandage off for him. For the umpteenth time today, Sabé's eyes filled with tears as she prepared to tell Bail. "Leia was pregnant and she miscarried."


	19. Chapter 19

Dear VaderMater,

Don't even get me started on the current presidential election. I'm in the middle of convincing my parents we need to hurry up our move to Canada. I don't want to be on the other side of that wall. (Haha! That was funny! . . . Not really.)

Just had to say that. Now back to your regularly programmed reading.

* * *

Lying on her side, staring blankly at the bare wall, Leia felt empty. She was now a hollow shell stripped of any purpose, meaning. As she was hardly able to understand everything she was feeling, Leia hardly felt anything at all. _This isn't real,_ she kept telling herself. _This isn't real. None of this is really happening. It's all just a nightmare._ She kept squeezing her eyes shut, telling herself that, when she opened them again, it would all be over. But it never was.

Honestly, she was still trying to figure out how her original nightmares had been so easily superseded. Leia's thoughts were simultaneously running the track of twenty different, yet similarly negative, emotions. As though she had to choose one, she didn't know what to think, what to feel. So, again, she was an empty shell, torn between mourning her mother and her child.  
A part of Leia, most of her, really, felt so angry with herself. Like part was to blame on herself, she scorned, _How could you be so foolish?! It wasn't Han you saw dying after all; it was Mama!_ Leia shuddered at the thought, thinking of all the effort she'd put into assuring Han's safety. _When, really, it should have been Mama you were so concerned for!_  
"Leia," Memily's soft, soothing voice interrupted her grieving thoughts. "Come on. Turn over so Han can undress you."  
Leia moaned, jerked out of her own thoughts and now forced to become reacquainted with the growing ache in her lower abdomen. Even in just this last day, it had strengthened from tolerable to unavoidable. Memily was calling them strong cramps, but they were the worst cramps Leia had ever had.  
Han came around to her side to get her looking at him and gently straightened out her legs. "Come on," he said, dropping a kiss on her temple before rolling onto her back. She let him, but didn't move on her own. Han pulled her medgown up to her waist, his fingers reaching for the waistband of her underwear to pull them off. Leia didn't bother watching. She knew what it would look like; a thin white cloth hanging heavily with the weight of deep cherry blood. She heard Sabé sigh. "It's getting heavier. Why don't we just put her in an adult diaper? Then, we at least won't have to worry about staining more underwear."

"Sabé, I think stained underwear is the least of our worries," Memily was bold enough to say. "But I think you're right." She grabbed a package from the supplies closet, ripped it open, and tossed a diaper to Han. Leia let him put it on her, hoisting her hips up in the air so he could pull it up. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered into her hair. "You're being so strong." Leia wanted to punch him. _No, I'm not, Han. I'm broken. I'm so broken._  
Leia flipped herself back onto her side, curling her legs in sympathy with her cramps. Now facing the other side, she watched Memily and Sabé as they looked through her pools of blood. The night before, once they'd calmed her enough, the two older women had asked her if she wanted to see the fetus if they could find it. Against Han's own judgement, Leia had insisted she wanted to see it. She really did. In case they actually found it, Sabé had tried preparing her, telling her it wouldn't even look like a person. It was exactly what it sounded like. The fetus was no more than an 'it'. But Leia knew better than that. 'It' was her child and she could not express all her love turned grief for the loss of that child. Her child.  
She moaned a cry, rolling t her other side. Han took her hand and she flicked it away. Leia caught a brief glimpse of his face and he looked hurt. It hardly bothered her, though. He didn't reach for her again. Now, he only tried to comfort with words, saying anything he could to occupy her mind. "Are you hungry yet? It's been a while since breakfast. What do you want? A sandwich? Some crackers?"  
Leia was getting annoyed with Han, adding to her mounting anger. N longer could she stand these comforts like everything was okay. Everything was not okay. She'd lost too much in so little time; how could Han and Sabé and Memily stand to ignore all this pain? How could they just push that all aside? Without anyone's help, Leia forced herself into a sitting position and threw one leg off the medbed at a time.

"Leia," Sabé quickly spoke up. "I think you should stay lying down."  
"No," Leia said, easing herself to her feet while Han stood close by, unsure whether he should help or not. "I need to get out," she cried and pushed past Han, stumbling her way towards the door. Hurriedly, Sabé and Memily came to intercept her, blocking her path. Leia's gaze darted between the women and the door, desperate in her search. Growing frantic, she brought her hands up to her chest, then head, and told them, "I need to get out of here!"

"Leia, you can't run from this. You have to face the pain."  
" _I already have, Sabé!_ I feel it _**now**_!"  
"No, Leia. Go lie down."

Vigorously, violently, Leia shook her head and fell in a heap on the floor. Her throat raw from screaming, Leia's cries had turned gurgled. She lay there on the floor, shaking with each sob she uttered. Han finally came back to her side and picked her up, carrying her to bed. "That's enough," he said. "You rest. I'll go get something for us to eat."

Han left and Sabé and Memily floated back to Leia's side. The younger woman shut her eyes tight, rolling her lips between her teeth. The other two sat on her side and watched the tears that marked her cheeks. Her nose twitched with each cry Leia silenced and, suddenly, Sabé saw a flash of a much, much younger Leia, young, happy, and still free from the grief doomed on her. She shook the image away; she had to deal with the Leia of here and now and that Leia was broken. "Is there anything else we can get you, Leiá?" she asked. "Frozen cream, crackers, comfier pajamas? What do you want?"

Leia rolled over to face the wall and cried, saying something that made Sabé's heart shatter. " _I want my baby back!_ "

"Leia . . ." Memily began, but trailed off, out of words. Sabé knew what she was thinking, how she felt. Everything she considered saying to Leia sounded hollow somehow. There were no sentiments for Sabé to express and help pull Leia out of her own abyss. None of it meant a think in the grief-stricken wold Leia was living in. Sabé could use any nickname or pet name she wanted and it would only push Leia further away. Sabé was utterly helpless.

Quickly, they learned that nothing was going to help. So, they let her be. They listened to her screams as they walked away, tried to ignore the anger and devastation radiating from her. Bail was taking everything better than Leia was, Sabé noted once. A couple days into their time on Kuat, Bail went for himself to see if he could talk to his daughter. However, he came back out shortly, his jaw hanging open, his eyes frantic. All Sabé said to him was, "This is how she is now."

* * *

Lucky others were able to take the aftermath in stride. Luke, who had tried visiting his sister once, had sought out work to keep him busy. After the attack on Alderaan, an emergency Rebel Alliance meeting had taken place and Luke had attended along with many members of Alderaan's royal houses, flying to Yavin IV for it. The rest of the House members, including the Thuls, were constantly holding their own meetings. They stayed on Kuat to support their people and it really did help. Bail was now attending is first meeting and the other Alderaanians seemed almost afraid of the viceroy blowing up like a bomb as they'd been hearing Leia was doing. But he entered their makeshift meeting room calm and collected. He chose a seat by Bornan and Aryn who were trading off their baby as he entered. Brushing down his robes as he sat, he managed a soft smile and said to them, "There's the new heir! Congratulations, Aryn, Bornan. I wish you the best of luck in your new lives as parents."  
Aryn appeared baffled by his casual talk and could hardly even nod in response. Bornan smiled softly back, though, saying, "Thank you, Your Highness. And I'm sorry about your loss. Queen Breha will be remembered in fondest memory by us all. May she rest in peace." Bail could only nod this time, turning his attention away from the new parents. He could hardly bear the image as he remembered what he'd been thinking about a few days ago just before Sabé had talked to him about Leia. _Wouldn't it be great if Leia had a child?_ Bail silently mocked himself. _Wouldn't it just be wonderful of she made me a grandfather?_  
So, he mourned for his daughter who now understood exactly what he and Breha had suffered so many times. Bail wished she didn't though. He would never wish that understanding on anyone let alone his own precious daughter.  
Soon, Prince Thireron entered and began the meeting, wearing a proud smile and smoothing out his robes of glittering gold and blue. He took his seat beside Elsie, his wife, and started off with a glance toward Bail, saying, "Ah, Bail," now wearing a mournful frown. Out of irritated frustration, Bail sighed at this unwanted and hollow try at sentiment. And that he used his first name in a formal setting! He was the higher authority! Like he wished to convey what sympathy he didn't have. "You made it! How wonderful it is to see you. Please, allow me to offer condolences on behalf of everyone here for your-"  
"Thieron," Bail said in his deepest voice, slowly turning the prince the same look he used to give Leia when he had to punish her. "You mustn't tell lies nor must you say something you don't mean. Don't give heart if you have none."

An odd silence had zipped around he table, only interrupted by Raal, Bornan, Gram, Freneá, and Heeth's quick snorts. Quickly, they all grabbed handkerchiefs and coughed into them.

Bail's sense of grief suddenly returned, antagonized by Thieron's lack of genuine care. He'd never cared much for the fellow prince, but he knew things about the man he thought it time everyone else knew. Plus, Thieron was ticking him off like the bomb they were all scared of.  
"You once told Breha that she was 'about as great a leader as Palpatine'. You threatened her to try and get her to relinquish the throne or convince Leia to marry Gram." Suddenly, all eyes flicked between Bail and Thieron, the latter whose cheeks were turning a deep red. "What? You thought she never told me? You thought I didn't know you and Elsie had Gram right after _we_ adopted Leia so you could take the throne? Because you were hoping it would bother the other Houses that Leia wasn't Alderaanian."

The room went absolutely silent. Awkward looks were exchanged while Theiron and Elsie didn't even have the words to defend themselves. And Gram was left to ponder his birthday which happened to land roughly ten months after Leia's . . . Frenea held her nose up to her parents, hugged her brother, and quickly left.  
"What? No words to defend yourself, Cortess?" It was Corlin Thul, Bornan's father, who spoke up, one hand fondly caressing his grandson's head while Aryn held him. "Did you threaten the queen?"  
"Ha!" Thieron laughed. "This is no time to discuss such frivolous matters! Clearly, the viceroy is distressed by Breha's passing, but-"  
"Fine, we aren't discussing," a woman of House Ulgo said, her face glowering, looking at him at an imperious angle. "We asked you a question and we'd like an answer. Breha Antilles Organa was the most compassionate and loyal of us all. She hardly cared to hold the throne, but she held it righteously, caring for her people like a family. And, not only did she hold herself responsible as Alderaan's queen, but as the Head of Educa-"  
" _Ohhhh_ , she's dead! You ought to leave her dead, don't you think? So, we were attacked! We lost a great deal of our people, but whose fault is it? You all go on and blame the Empire. I think I'll arm myself against the one who _lured_ them to our home! Yes! The Organas! 'Let's go out today, and destroy the Empire', they say. To pit a defenseless planet against the Empire, Emperor Lord Vader. _This_ is what we need to be discussing."  
"What do you think the Reellion's for?" Raal had immediately jumped to his feet, his face twisted in anger. "Never mind that, though. Let's start a separate war within our own group, shall we? Born out of such foolish, vulgar, obscenity! How dare you enter this room, insult the queen, and expect everyone to follow your lead! And to extend the insult to Viceroy Organa and Princess L-"

Bail interrupted Raal's rant with his usual calmness regained. "Never mind any of this," he said, shaking his head and rising from his seat. "I apologize, Prince Thieron. Let us act like the civil men we are, yes?" He clapped Gram on the shoulder. Still, the younger man appeared so shaken. "I suppose I shouldn't have said anything." He gave Gram's shoulder a squeeze and turned for the door. "Oh. And I did come here for a reason. I think t time Aryn and Bornan take over. I, Viceroy Bail Prestor Organa, am relinquishing the throne to Prince Bornan and Princess Aryn Dro Thul." Wit that, Bail left.

Aryn and Bornan couldn't even speak as everyone else murmured anxiously, raising eyebrows at Bail though he was gone. The young couple exchanged baffled looks, startled by the viceroy's sudden decision. But Raal stood and smiled encouragingly at them. He took Aryn's hand and helped her to her feet, gesturing to Bornan to rise as well. Then, he took a knee and dipped his head, bowing to the new leaders "All hail Her Highness Queen Aryn Dro Thul and Viceroy Bornan Thul . . . of Alderaan." All the others followed Raal's lead and bowed before the Thuls. Even Thieron and Elsie. "My Queen and Viceroy," they all said.

* * *

With the week almost over, Leia's bleeding had slowed enough that she could clean it up herself. Though; even several rolls of 'fresher paper could only do so much and she had to take her first shower in a week. Dropping her medgown in an empty laundry bin by the refresher door, Leia hurried into the sanisteam, hoping to miss Han before he returned from getting breakfast.

This was how the week had gone: Han wouldn't leave her alone. Sabé and Memily had finally stopped babying her, but Han refused to leave her side. He kept saying he was there to help her, but the last thing Leia needed was a constant reminder of all that she'd lost. How long until he got the hint that she didn't want him there, following her around, peering over her shoulder? Frustrated and freshly furious, Leia clenched a bar of soap, her nails biting into it. She threw it across the sanisteam; once, twice, over and over again. When it refused to break apart, she screamed, falling to her knees, beating her fists on the wet floor. Tears stung just behind her eyes, but Leia refused to let them fall. She wasn't weak like that.

Still sitting in the sanisteam under the shower head, Leia heard the door to her room open and shut and Han's voice. "She's up? How is she?"

"She got up and went straight into the sanisteam," Memily answered. "She's been in there for over an hour."

Han sighed. "Well, I brought breakfast for her and myself. Hopefully, she'll feel up to eating."

"Han, I've been thinking about how to help her. Maybe, it's time you let her be, Han."

Silence. It took Han a few seconds to respond. "What do you mean?"

"I mean . . . it upsets her when we constantly crowd her. Maybe, it might help if we all just let her be. I get that you're only trying to help her, but you're only irritating her-"  
"You want me to leave her alone to deal with this by herself?"  
Pause.  
"I think she needs some time to think by herself."  
"No. No. I think she needs help, Memily. I'm not leaving her to this dark mess. She doesn't need to be alone. She needs support-!"  
"She _needs_ to heal, Han-"  
"And I'm going to help her. Memily, if I leave her to it, I'm scared of what will happen. I'm scared she'll hurt herself. I'm scared I'll never really get my wife back, that I'll only get her body and not the sharp-tongued, intelligent, witty woman I fell in love with. I need her back. I can;t let that Leia slip away while I'm not looking."  
 _She's gone, Han. Gone with your child._  
"I suppose," Memily said. "What more do we have to lose, right?"  
Leia pondered this conversation. She thought bout all that Han just said, and his unwavering faith in her. A part of herfelt bad for him, seeing what he refused to acknowledge. Like someone looking at her from the outside, she surveyed the broken body and the shattered soul they called 'Leia'. She searched and searched and searched for whatever light Han was looking for in her, but all _she_ could see was a mess of broken, dirty, mangled skin and bones. She saw a hollow shell, home to nothing let alone life. She saw something worse than weakness. She saw nothing. Nothing worth saving.

Leia wanted to sit in the sanisteam longer, but her stomach detested the thought, growling with hunger. She'd have to suffer through another meal with Han. Reluctantly, Leia stood in the sanisteam, turned off the water, and wrapped a long white towel around her skinny body. She stepped out and padded out of the refresher Both Memily and Han quickly looked up and Han refrained from jumping on her.  
"Hey," he greeted. "If you're hungry, I got breakfast for us." Han held up a small bag with a restaurant's flashy logo on the front. "It's your favorite: breakfast gorba melts from that restaurant chain you like so much."  
Leia didn't say her thanks or smile, but just gave a short nod, already turning to Memily. "Can I take my pain meds, now?"  
However subtle the Organa servant displayed it, her response was so motherly. The way it was delivered, how she handled it. Han nearly gaped. Her gaze worn and weary, she looked to Leia shortly and shook her head. "After you eat some first."  
Leia's sigh was barely audible. Slowly, she dressed behind a shade and dropped her towel beside a counter. Now staining it was a large spot of blood. She joined Han at a small table near the foot of her bed and accepted a wrapped-up melt Han handed her. She ate it, taking small, tiny bites at a time. With a feeling of satisfaction, Leia noted that Han seemed to be watching her less, no longer looking for every single move of hers like he used to. Respectively, he kept to himself, not even trying at conversation today. Maybe, he was trying out Memily's suggestion. Whatever was the cause of Han's change in behavior, Leia didn't mind it at all.

Halfway through her silent meal, Memily laid a couple pills beside her cup and Leia quickly threw them down her throat with a gulp of water. "Still hurts?" Memily asked and Leia nodded.  
Upon finishing her meal, she laid back down in bed. The latest HoloNet articles were out and so Leia paged through those, skipping over all the stories about Alderaanian survivors and their lost ones. There had to be at least a dozen articles on her mother's death alone. Leia read through many of them, internally laughing at all the ridiculous theories these writers had come up with. 'Alderaanian Queen Dies In Attack On Palace,' one headline read. Another said, 'Pacifist Queen Goes Down Without Fight'. _Without a fight_ , Leia thought in disgust. _She fought to save as many of her people as she could._ Fed up with the articles, Leia tore them up until the pieces were too small to tear anymore. She let them fall tot he floor. And then felt the threat of falling tears. She swallowed them down, holding back the pain.  
The room remained so quiet for a while longer, the hours ticking by so slowly, until Sabé entered Leia's room. She crossed over to Han's spot in a chair at Leia's side. She whispered something to him. He nodded, rising to his feet. Grabbing another diaper from the supplies closet, he said, "Let's get you changed real quick. Sabé says Olin wants to see you."  
"Why?" Leia asked him, lying back.

"I don't know."  
After Han was finished changing Leia, Sabé guided them down the halls of the medcenter until they came to an exit door near the back. Waiting outside for them was the Jedi Ferus Olin and Memily. Ferus stood with his eyes closed and his hands folded behind his back, his head tilted up towards Kuat's bright sky. "Leia," he spoke her name clearly as she stepped outside. "I heard about your miscarriage." Leia cringed visibly. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sure you are," Leia responded back coldly.  
Ferus's soft brown eyes opened to first look at Leia, next Sabé, then Leia again. "You are filled with much anger, hate, and fear-"  
"I'm not in the mood for your stupid Force nonsense right now."  
"All of which are of the dark side," Ferus continued is gaze suddenly turned sad. He dropped his hands and knitted his brows together. "I fear for you, Leia. You may not understand why, but that's the problem. You don't understand what the dark side will do to you, yet you follow it." Leia rolled her eyes and uttered a quiet, but long, sigh. "You need to understand, Leia-"  
"Just because I'm angry doesn't mean I'm going to the dark side."Such mumbo jumbo was this, Leia found it laughable. What exactly did Ferus expect from her, then? Cool and collected? Laughing in the face of grief? No, Leia was broken and the only feelings she was capable of feeling were fear, anger, and hate.  
"I understand that, Leia, but your anger is leading you to the dark side. You used to have this war within yourself, but you're not fighting anymore. Leia, you must understand that, if you don't control them better, your emotions _will_ bring you to the-"  
"Dark side," Leia interrupted, finishing his sentence for him. "So you keep saying. I'm not going to the dark side, though," she insisted with a sort of sardonic laugh.

Rather doubtful of Leia's words, Ferus narrowed his eyes. He asked her, "Do you even know what the difference is between the dark side and the light? Because that's the path you're going to learn about real soon. Because that's the path you're headed down right now. Because you're not listening. So, listen now. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Suffering . . ." He spread is arms out to his sides. "Is what the dark side gives you. What you feel now, what's eating you up, is the dark side. Just because you call yourself a Jedi doesn't protect you from the dark side." Ferus stepped closer to Leia. "It's done something to you. Already. See, Leia, the dark side isn't free. If you're going to use it, even just take a quick trip, it'll make sure you pay before leaving. Leia, I need you to answer me truthfully. Those three stormtroopers that were there when Breha died . . . did you kill them?"  
Leia threw her arms out. "Yeah. I did. So what? Olin, I already paid. For nothing. Those three stormtroopers killed my mother! They killed the woman who raised me and was always there for me and who kissed me before bed every night! Is what I did not fair? A life for a life?"

"Leia, forget about getting equal. I want to know _how_ you killed them."

Leia stopped to think about it. Her gaze lowered to the ground and a smile found its way to her lips. "It felt good," she began. "Not like relief, but . . . but it was this cool breeze-like feeling. A cold wave crashing over me when I'm hot, sticky with heat. It felt _so good_ to watch them suffer like they made Mama suffer."  
"Leia. How did you kill them?"  
"The first one, I snapped his neck. He didn't really have to suffer. He was lucky. With the second trooper, I made forks of lightning come shooting from my fingers. It didn't hurt me at all." "And what about the third?"

Leia looked back to Ferus. Grinning. "The third one wasn't so lucky. He was made to suffer because he made Mama suffer. He was still holding his blaster up when I saw her. _He_ killed Mom. He was proud of it." Her voice choked with held-back tears now. "He called it a bonus; her death. I made sure he paid."

"Leia," Ferus's voice was stern. "What did you do to him?"

"I choked him." Leia's smile returned. "I choked him, closed his throat, took away his breath. And I didn't need to use my hands."  
She watched his mouth work as his jaw was about to drop, but he closed it and his eyebrows flicked. "Leia. Leia, you can't let the darkness take over you. You've already paid enough. To have paid with yet another life . . ."  
Leia frowned at Ferus's words. "What do you mean? 'Paid with another life'?"  
"I mean your child, of course."  
Leia gritted her teeth, her anger resurfacing. "My miscarriage has nothing to do with that day!"

"Is that what you think? It was all just a coincidence? An unlucky day?"  
"What else?"

"How about this. The Emperor wears a cloak to conceal his features because he embodies the dark side. The dark side is so sickening and vile, it's damaging his body, slowly destroying him, eating at him. That's why his skin is so palid and his eyes are sunken and yellow. Now, here's you. Pregnant and you don't even know. There's a life inside of you, completely dependent on you. Leia, it's the same thing as what I explained with Palpatine. When you killed those men like that, when you used the Force like that, it hurt that life, Leia. What you did _ended_ that life."  
The long silence that followed wasn't uncomfortable nor was it awkward. It was heavy, alarming, thick with dread and horror. Sabé' gaze flashed to Ferus, looking furious, ready to pounce. She was in Mother Bear mode. On the other hand, Leia appeared horror-struck, her mouth hanging open, unable to move. Her eyes drifted away from Ferus and into space, letting the Jedi's words sink in. Han's reaction was almost in between, but less horror and more anger directed towards Ferus Olin. Pushing aside Memily's suggestion from earlier, he jumped back to his wife's side and slipped an arm round her shoulders. Gently. he pulled her back and stepped in front of her. "What did you just tell my wife?"  
From the way Ferus stepped back, the others could tell he was starting to bite is tongue, but he didn't apologize nor make any effort to take the comment back. "I'm sorry if this is harsh, but it's the truth. Leia, this is what the dark side does. Hopefully, you've learned from this." Then, Ferus left.

The others watched him go, looking on in anger. As for Leia, she still hadn't moved a muscle. The moment Ferus had shut the door behind him, Sabé rushed over to Leia and held her face between her hands. "Don't listen to him, Leiá. Don't listen to a word he says. He's wrong, Leiá. He doesn't understand."  
Leia, still seemingly frozen with shock, barely managed to move her mouth and mutter, "I killed my baby."  
"No! No, Leia. You didn't. You wouldn't. This isn't your fault," Sabé insisted. Slowly, Leia unfroze and her features twisted into a look of horror. She stepped out of Sabé's grip and turned back for the door. "Leia, listen to me!" he Nabooan cried. "This isn't your fault!"  
"I . . . " Leia stammered, her tongue tripping over her thoughts. She wrapped her arms over her midsection and that was when the tears started. "I . . . no. Noo!"  
"Leia," Han spoke her name softly, but firmly. "Leia, come here."

She shook her head, slowly making her way back for the door. "I . . . how?"

"Leia." Han hurried to catch u to her. He caught her by her waist and tried pulling her into his arms, but Leia snapped and she shoved him, jumping back. "What are you doing?! Didn't you hear what Ferus just said? All that grief you feel, all that pain over your lost child-"

" _ **Ours**_."  
"- is _my_ fault! Get away from me, Han! I'm a murderer! I killed our child!"

"Leia, stop that! This isn't your fault!"  
"How?" Leia spun on him, her arms still wrapped tightly around her stomach. "Were you not listening at all? Ferus was pretty clear about it. Han, this wasn't just some random . . . 'genetic abnormality' like Memily said! This wasn't an unlikely coincidence! This was my fault! Han, that baby we were both dying to have . . . I killed it. I killed our baby."

Han took a large step forward and held her arms down. He said to her, "Leia, stop it. He's wrong; I'm sure! There's no way you did that. Don't even consider it any longer."

* * *

Somehow, Han knew Ferus Olin's words to be true. He didn't know the first thing about the Force, but he knew how to read his wife. Her eyes were filled with a terrible dread and it was there that Han found the truth. Somehow, Leia knew it was true. And what was he supposed to say now? What words of comfort could comfort his wife now? What words could heal her broken heart and bring back the Leia that Han had fallen in love with? Speaking of, where had _she_ gone to?  
Again, Han was conflicted with his dilemma, wondering how his broken self was supposed to heal his broken wife. Besides his own broken-ness, Leia made it clear she didn't want his help. Han was pretty sure she didn't even want him around.  
 _Please_ , Han silently pleaded as he watched Leia throw her fit. _All I want is my Leia back. Not just any Leia,_ my _Leia. I want_ my _Leia back. Now._

Sabé took a step as though to try and talk to her again, but, tears streaming down her face, Leia shook her head and ran back inside.

Memily came up from behind Han to rest a hand on his shoulder, but Han shook it away. "I can't do his," Han muttered. "I can't stand this anymore."

"Han," Memily tried to soothe.

"Han, I know what you're thinking." Sabé turned to him and approached, her face stern, concerned, fearful all at once. "But Leia needs you. Whether she's showing it or not, she needs you to help her. Maybe you're not feeling quite whole enough, but who else will be able to get through to her? No one can understand this loss like you. Both of you have lost something and you lost this together. Leia isn't going to listen to me or Memily who have no idea how awful this must be for you two. Whatever we say to her is automatically hollow. We can't even begin to imagine how horrible this is. You understand. Only you have the words to get through her borders. When you first came to Alderaan, you broke through all of Leia's layers. You need to do it again." Her gaze grew, not hard but, persistent, concerned as she pointed back to the exit door. "You know how much I care for her. Han, you've saved her once before. I need you to save her again."

One more chapter after this and an epilogue!

Up until Ferus's scene, I can't stop cringing at my own writing. The last thing I want to do is give you all a week to sit on _that_. Sooo, extra updates! And then, I figured that my epilogue has to be posted with the last chapter, soooo . . . I have to be the most inconvenient writer. Ever.

I'll have more inportant information to explain at the end of my epilogue. Thank you.


	20. Chapter 20

Han ran into his father-in-law in the medcenter's lunch room which mostly served the medcenter's staff. He was dumping his tray when he caught sight of Bail who, at once, came hurrying over. "There you are," he greeted with a slight look of relief. Absentmindedly, he ran a hand back through his hair. Frighteningly, Han realized that Bai's hair- though it had been slightly gray as long as Han had known him- had been graying significantly over the week. Han swore e could even see some white hair on Bail's head. In an odd analogy, Han decided that was exactly how he felt too. Just looking at Bail seemed to stress him even more.

"I was hoping I'd find Leia with you," Bail continued, an anxious and fearful look occupying his usually warm and loving eyes. "I thought I'd try talking to her again for you. I thought I might be able to help you."

Though Han doubted even Leia's father would be able to help pull her out of this, he didn't admit that to him. Instead, he just shook his head. "She's in her room still," he said, answering his actual question. "She hasn't left her room since . . . " Han stopped. Bail's look had turned frightened in less than an instant. His eyes had gone wide and his mouth had opened, scaring Han. "What?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"She isn't there."

"Yes, she is," Han insisted. "I was with her in the room just before I came here for lunch."

"No, Han. I was just in there. I went there to talk to her, but she wasn't there."

With no idea where else Leia would have gone, Han's heart dropped to his feet. Dropping his tray n a stack of them, Han ran off, wondering where he should even go to look for her. He figured Sabé and Memily would be a good start. He found both of the women sitting in the waiting room, scowling and speaking in quick, angered, harsh tones to Ferus Olin. Han wished he didn't have to interrupt it. At the sight of Han and Bail running in, all three quickly looked to the two men. Han wasted no time in asking, "Where's Leia?"

"Excuse me?"

"I can't find Leia," Han spoke in a rush, his mind and body frantic. "She's not in her room and she didn't come down to the cafeteria with me. I don't know where she is."

Immediately, Sabé looked to Ferus whose eyes were already closed. "Hang on," he said, raising a hand. "Give me a second . . . Outside . . . south exit-" He stopped, opened his eyes to see Han already racing out.

* * *

Han loved fear. In his view, you need it to survive. Besides, fear had done him plenty good over the years. Fear of Jabba had sent Han racing for Alderaan where he had first met his wife. Now, fear had him darting in search of her, worried to death of what she would do when left by herself. A thousand of the worst case scenarios raced through his mind, leaving images of Leia that terrified Han. _You terrify me, Leia. You always have._

After racing through the medcenter's halls and squeezing through passing nurses and doctors, Han found his way to the south exit . . . and there she was. The back side of the medcenter was a vacant space, a small "field" of grass. Some rocks were scattered around and Leia was sitting on a particularly large one, facing the wind that whipped about. She had undone the braid Sabé had put her hair in earlier and her long chestnut tresses soared with the breeze, tangling up a huge mess in the back. From Han's view of her back, all that he could tell about her hands was that they were resting in her lap. He approached her slowly and, when close enough, touched a hand to her right shoulder. She hardly started under his touch. "Leia," he spoke her name softly, slowly leaning forward to look over her shoulder.

Han immediately took a step back at the sight of the blaster in her small hands. That was when Leia finally looked at him. She spun around to stare at him with cold, dark, sunken eyes and, with trembling hands, she held the weapon up."Go!" she demanded of him. With a weak grip, she held the blaster so it pointed in his direction. "Leave me alone!"

"Leia," Han repeated, putting his arms in the air. "Put that down. Please."

There came a wild look to Leia's eyes, but not wild in the usual sense. Her eyes were wild with desperation, with grief, with fear. She appeared so weak to Han at that moment, so fragile. He marveled at how she was still standing while she swayed on her feet, so unsteadily. Her face was paler than the moon orbiting in Kuat's spacious sky. And her lips . . . they trembled, but no tears escaped her raging eyes. Han took a cautious step toward her. "Just put it down, Leia. Let's do this the easy way, alright? I don't want to have to call in help."

Leia held his gaze, shaking her head. "No, you won't."

"Says who?"

She blinked. "I know you."

Han looked away for a second, nodding. "Alright. How about you tell me what you're doing out here with my blaster?"

Leia glanced at Han's weapon in her own hands. "Isn't it obvious?" she asked.

"No, Leia. No, sweetheart, please don't do this. Just drop the blaster and we can go inside and eat."

She snorted, shifting her grip on the blaster. "So that's the game plan, huh? Just get me through each everyday task. Feed me with a baby spoon, get me through every day. That's the goal, right?" Leia bit down on her trembling lip.

"No one blames you. I just think you should put the blaster down."

Leia looked back to him, her expression staying the same. With a less-than-funny laugh, she tossed the blaster aside and told him, "I can't. You should know me." She shook her head, risking a brief glance back to it. "It just felt good to hold," she muttered.

Han's sigh of relief was audible. His hands caught his head as the relief flooded his system. "I do know you," he said. "I know my wife anywhere and you aren't her."

"So, you noticed she's gone missing."

"Yeah. It was hard not to. Half of me just suddenly vanished. Listen, Leia." Han took a brave step toward her, reaching out his hands to hold her face. "I know you're int here somewhere, in pain, should know I am 't you forget that I am too. You aren't the only one who lost something." His hands moved down to her waist, thumbs rubbing the small area of her belly over and over. "We lost this together."

Smoothly, Leia slipped out of his hold. "She's already gone, Han. Don't waste your time. Your unwavering faith is a waste of energy."

"Too bad it's unwavering, then."

"You need to stop. Run away before the darkness overtakes you too."

"Sweetheart, if you're lost in darkness, I will jump in to join you. You think you can run away from this, think you can deal with it on your own, but you can't. Trust me, Leia. I tried. I tried because you forced me to. You haven't been here to help and it's been killing me. When are you going to realize that this won't get any better until we fight it together?"

Before Leia could even get the chance to answer though, Sabé, Memily, Bail, and Ferus came running out. Leia glanced quickly at the Jedi before turning away, wrapping her arms around herself, trying to fight the tears. Olin turned back, guiltily, shamefully. Sabé approached Han. She rested a hand on his shoulder and asked, "Is everything alright?"

Han picked up the blaster, handed it to her, and told her, "I think I got this."

"She looked to the weapon in her hand, then Leia. Fearfully, she swallowed over a lump in her throat and stepped back. "I hope so." Slowly, she went back inside. Slowly, the others followed her. Just before Bail went back through the door, he caught Han's eye. His own eyes fearful and sad, he said to him, "Han." Han looked to him. "Please save my daughter." Then, he left.

Han let those words sink in before turning back to Leia. With Bail and Sabé's pleas for help fresh in mind, he let go and showed Leia what she really needed to see. At once, the tears came raining down his face. He held nothing back, letting all his pain and fear show as he thought about the baby he and Leia had lost, as he looked at her now. "You don't need to hide it, Leia. It hurts, I know. So let go with me. I'm right here, Leia. Let the tears fall. Please break down. I'll be right here to put you back together. Come on, Leia. It has to be better than doing this alone. Please cry, Leia. Cry with me. I get it. I know how much it hurts. Trust me. I'm right here with you and I'm never leaving."

Leia spun on him, that wild look returning to her eyes, making them livid. "Don't you remember what Ferus said? What about that doesn't make sense?! Han, I killed our baby! I caused all of this-!"

That was enough for Han. He ran to her and caught her in his arms. She yelped out of surprise, even more surprised as he held her close, squeezing her tight. "I love you, Leia," he whispered into her hair. "And nothing- _nothing_ \- will ever be able to change that. I love you, Leia Solo, and I plan to dive into this abyss with you."

Slowly, Leia turned in his arms so they faced each other. She relaxed somewhat as Han's arms slipped around her brought one hand up to tuck her hair behind her ears, revealing her facial features which Han still found so alluring. From his back pocket, Han pulled out a small box. Out of that box, he took a pair of earrings. Red, light blue, and dark blue, the earrings were spirals made up of separate spirals. One first, then the other, Han hung them on Leia's ear lobes. " _This_ ," he emphasized as he began to speak. "Is who you are to me." Next, Han pulled a ring from his pocket and slipped it onto her finger, leaving a kiss there. " _This_ is someone I will go to no end to save, to bring back into the light." Lastly, Han held her face again, using his thumbs to tilt her chin up so she was looking into his eyes. Her own, Han was overjoyed to note, now flickered with life. "This is someone I love enough to face that grief and darkness with. So we had a plan to start a family. Yeah, this hurts, but I'm going to stick around still. We're going to deal with this together. And, when we're ready, we can try again. But, first, we both need to heal. That's not something I want to try and do by myself. What do you say, sweetheart? Still want to face this alone?"

Leia dropped her head and her fist suddenly landed on Han's chest. He gave a light gasp of surprise, but what surprised him even more was when her fist unclenched and she splayed her fingers over his chest, her head still bowed. Then, her chin started to come up slowly, bringing the rest of her face up with it. Now, Han could see tears falling down her face, a steady stream of sorrow. A shuddering sob escaped her and her shoulders started shaking. Han quickly responded to her cries, wrapping his arms back around her and holding her close. Leia's cries came at a regular pace now, not stopping, and Han was thankful for it. He cried with her, just as he had promised.

"It hurts, Han!" he heard her cry, her face buried in his chest. "I know it does, Princess," he responded, stroking her long chestnut tresses. "I know it does."

Leia looked up again and Han wiped her tears for her, flicking them away with his thumbs. She returned the favor by wiping his. He watched her eyes carefully, watching all the emotions swirling in there. He had to ask to make sure, though. "Leia?" he asked.

She blinked, her arms now looped around his neck. "I'm here," she assured him. "It's me."

Han's face twisted with a relieved smile and he picked her up into his arms, capturing her delicate lips in an urgent kiss. Her mouth responded in dance until her air ran out and she parted for a breath. Han's lips lingered above her crown. "I love you," he whispered. Leia's heart melted, finally starting to heal. Rising on her toes to meet him with another kiss, she responded in kind, "I know."

* * *

Leia's heart weighed heavily in her chest with grief, but it relieved her. She could feel again. Though her heart wanted to drag her down, she didn't let it. Whenever she felt like falling to her knees, she'd give Han's hand a squeeze and he'd squeeze her back, buoying her up. So they walked together hand in hand. That's how they entered the meeting room that same day. Without a word, Leia walked in with her husband, hanging on tight to him. Heads turned and everyone stared at her. Leia felt her legs go weak., so she squeezed Han's hand. And he gave her all the support she needed in one squeeze back.

Leia ignored their stares and found her father and a couple empty seats. She and Han sat down there. "Hey," Aryn was quick to greet. She appeared as though caught off guard by Leia's presence. Carrying her and Bornan's child, she shifted the baby to her other arm to lay her now-free hand on Leia's shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Leia nodded, her eyes stuck on the infant. "I'm alright."

"Oh, Leia! We heard about . . . " Aryn's brown eyes flicked to Leia's stomach, then back to her eyes. "I'm so sorry. About everything."

"No." Leia shook her head, managing to hold Aryn's gaze for a few seconds. "I'm . . . we're going to be okay. Now, quite clearly, I've missed a lot." Leia peered over at Aryn's other side, back to the baby. "Is this _the_ Prince Raynar Thul we've all been awaiting?"

Aryn gave a little laugh that bore some nervousness out of her surprise. This wasn't the Leia that Bail had been warning her about. She held her baby son so Leia could see better and asked her carefully, "Would you like to hold him?"

* * *

There was a flash of eagerness in the smile Leia gave her and Aryn had to stifle down a laugh. She gently laid her son in Leia's arms. Leia, for her part, seemed almost nervous to be holding the baby. She handled the child oh so carefully, using both arms to support the newborn baby. Her eyes were filled with such a light; Aryn ached _for them_ over the loss of their unborn child. At that moment, she realized that Han and Leia really needed this. Aryn truly believed that the two's purpose in life was to be even caught Bornan smiling as they watched Han who stood right behind Leia, his hands on her hips, peering over her shoulder at their son.

Aryn's throat constricted and tears filled her eyes as she watched the same happen to the Solos. Never before had she seen such a moving moment.

After a long moment, Leia sniffled and carefully handed Raynar back to Aryn. "He's very beautiful," she said and sat down with Han beside Bail.

* * *

The difference between Leias was visible. Bail knew that the young woman sitting at his side was _his_ Leia. She was filled with life, a faint flicker of hope slowly regrowing in her eyes. She was no longer empty, overtaken by darkness and despair. She had hope. She had let Han back in.

Bail took his daughter into a hug and told her, "I'm glad you're back, Lelila."

She smiled softly. "I am, too."

"Are you alright?"

"I will be." Leia glanced at Han. " _We_ will be."

Bail nodded. He and Breha had been alright. They'd pulled through together over and over until they got Leia. This was a pain Bail understood, but he also understood that no one would be able to help her like Han.

He gave Leia's shoulder a comforting squeeze, comforting himself in the knowledge that Han would always be right there for his daughter. No matter what.

"Daddy," he heard his baby girl say.

"Yes, Lelila?"

She paused a moment, gathering her words. "Daddy, I was there when they killed Mama."

"Leia, you don't need to talk abo-"

"No, Dad. I was talking with her. Her last words- she wanted to tell you . . . Daddy, her last words were meant for you. She wanted to tell you she loved you."

Bail was rendered speechless, unable to react at all. Now that image was stuck in his mind; Breha, his beloved, dying, muttering her last words. To him. I love you, B, a voice whispered in his head. Bail longed to hold her in his arms one last time, but he could see her, somehow, in Leia now. He managed a nod, trying to hold together, but Leia shook her head. "Daddy, please cry with me."

 ** _One Week Later_**

Leia knew she was fortunate despite her recent losses. Unlike too many others, she still had a standing home, her husband, brother, father, and plenty of friends, and just enough hope to keep her going. She clung onto that, clung onto all the hope she had and thrived in thoughts of the future. Leia didn't ignore her sorrow or stifle it down, but she faced it with all her stored-up hope and her head held high. She faced it with Han at her side which strengthened her even more. She had Han and- together- they had a hopeful future.

Leia Organa Solo came from the latest meeting of the royal houses to her -and Han's- room. There, she found her husband standing the wall opposite her their bed, pounding a nail into it. As Leia entered, he picked up a shadow box from the bed and hung it on the nail. He eyed it a bit before turning to Leia and asking, "Does that look straight to you?" Then, he stepped aside so she could see. Now hanging on the wall in the shadow box . . . was the onesie. Quickly overcome by Han's notion, Leia lost her words and the tears began to fall. Her knees buckled so she sat down, so simply overwhelmed. Her heart flooded with love and gratefulness for Han as well as sorrow that didn't quite feel like sorrow anymore. It was after she deciphered these feelings that she stood to get a closer look and noticed the phrase Han had spelled out in long, looping, gold letters; _'you took a piece of our hearts up with you when you went to Heaven'_ , it read.

Leia cried and fell back in Han's arms once he came to hold her. He held her tight, held her close. "Do you like it?" he asked. Leia nodded her head against his chest. "I love it," she assured him. "It's perfect."

"I was going to put the names we chose up there too, but I figured I didn't have to. Every time we look at this, we'll always remember exactly who it's for."

Leia nodded again. She pulled Han's arms tighter around herself, saying, "Breha or Breham Solo."

Han pulled her to their bed and they sat there together. He slid his hands down to her flat belly and whispered in her ear, "Leia Organa Solo, one day, I want to have kids with you."

Smiling her complete agreement, Leia settled back into his arms and responded, "Someday, I do too."

Han continued, drawling in her ear, "And we're going to have a _big_ family." Leia chuckled. "Lots of kids."

"You've really thought this through, haven't you? she asked with a long laugh.

Han shrugged. "Maybe. I know you have, too."

"Maaaybe," Leia smiled. "But, first, I'd like to hear about the family _you've_ been planning."

"Alright. I think you'll like it. Like I said, _huge_ family."

"I remember that."

"We're going to have triplets."

Instantly, Leia turned in Han's lap to look at him. "That's a bit ambitious."

"Are you against that?"

"Hm." Leia turned back around and thought about it. "Well, no. Actually, I would _love_ to carry your triplet children. Or, what if we have more than that? What if we have quintuplets or something?"

Han squeezed Leia's shoulders. "That's a bit ambitious."

Leia erupted into uncontainable laughter and she, again, turned in Han's lap, but also pulled her legs over his, straddling his hips. She quickly made her tone and expression appear serious, reminding him, "Well, we're going to have a huge family, aren't we?"

Han laughed shortly, eyeing her down, his hands now resting on her hips. "I love you so much, Leia Solo."

"I know."


	21. Epilogue

_**Twelve Years Later**_

Despite the on and off pain that gripped her, despite Han's nervousness, despite the whole situation . . . Leia felt surprisingly relaxed. She was controlled. Thinking past her pain, she knew there was nothing to worry about, that everything was running smoothly and she had no reason to fret. The pain was bearable (now that she knew what to expect), Han would relax soon enough (it always took him a while), and she was ready for this (Hadn't they waited long enough?). Leia couldn't complain at all.

Her eyes closed, she took measured breaths, focusing on anything other than the constant pain. With one hand, she caressed her belly, stroking it affectionately. Her other hand was caught in Han's, his strong hold squeezing her hand reassuringly. "You all right?" he asked, his own other hand rubbing her rosy cheek. At first she only nodded, a spike of pain catching her attention. Leia blew out a sigh, reaching out to the Force and almost pulling it _to her_ as she dialed down the pain. She did this to the best of her ability, at least. Too often, it became difficult as the assault of contractions strengthened in intensity and frequency. It was still difficult even though Luke and Master Olin had taught her this trick back for her first labor. She'd complained about the difficulty of it and both, along with Master Kenobi, kept insisting she needed to clear her mind. Although, none of the three men had ever been in labor and given birth before, so Leia supposed that was their problem.

Finally, when Leia was able to, she answered her husband with, "Just fine. Nothing I can't handle."

Han smiled softly at her, moving one hand to join the other in grasping Leia's hand. "I'm so proud of you," he told her and dropped a soft kiss on her knuckles. "You're doing great, Princess. Just a little bit longer until this baby comes." An easy silence settled while Leia braced against another contraction. Her face contorted in such pain and her mouth opened a little and Han knew she wanted to cry out in sympathy with her pain-racked body. Once it finally subsided somewhat, Han relaxed her with another one of his wisecracks, asking his laboring wife, "Do you think eight kids is enough to qualify us as having a huge family?"

Leia's eyes flared at that, but Han knew she was amused and proved him right when she managed a smile for him. "Our last little one," she said, following the remark with a grimace of pain. "Han, we aren't ever doing this again," she reminded him. As she looked at him, her eyes were warning him. Han wanted to laugh. "I mean it this time. Not like last time and I swore we were done. Han, I will make you sleep on the couch if I must. We are stopping at eight."

"I know," Han said with a little laugh. "But this is it. I know it. That little piece we were missing, we found it."

"Yeah, we did," Leia agreed. She closed her eyes again, her grip on Han's hand suddenly tightening. She gave a long moan.

Han held her, comforting her as a contraction ripped through her body. "Almost there," Han told her. "We're getting so close, Princess."

Before the next flash of pain hit her, Leia caught Han's eye, smiling softly, and told him, "This is what we've always wanted. This family, this life. It almost doesn't seem real that we're finally getting it."

"I know what you mean, but I'll assure you . . . We've got it, sweetheart. We've got our family."

Han watched his wife, held her, stroking and caressing her face, offering any comfort he could. After doing this a few times, Leia was handling the labor well, but Han could still tell that their baby was coming soon. Though this may be Number Eight, it still overwhelmed Han thinking about how they were going to have another little one on their hands. And though this may be Number Eight, the excitement hadn't faded. They were already parents, they had children, but this was the critical piece they knew they'd been missing for a while. They loved their kids, but this was what would complete it all. This was the family they'd always wanted.

And they were finally getting it. They finally had their family.

* * *

And this is the end. Sort of.

I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed with myself (*cough*Chapter 19*cough*). I do think I like the first one a lot more.

Well, here's the story. When I was trying to write this last scene, I had fifty different ideas for what I wanted it to reveal and how it should be. I finally settled on this scene. Then, I decided to write a bunch of one-shots depicting what happens down the road and revealing more and more. I promise the one-shots are better than Chater 19. I swear.

My question is: are you guys interested in reading those extra one-shots or not? I don't have a defined number of how many there'll be. I've written and published about 30 of them on Wattpad already. And I'm not done. Also, I should warn you that I lost control with the realistic factor I tried to keep and created a new ship (among other things). People loved it, but it happened and that became a huge thing. (And I'm fighting creating another ship!) It's started to take on a story of its own.

Um, I think that's all I have to say, so thanks for reading!


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